I didn't wear a bra to the store and now my bf is upset

[S2B]

If you were comfortable with it - why is HE allowed to make you feel badly about something (anything)?

seriously, he needs to take care of himself instead of criticizing you for something so silly.

if he really is that controlling - dump him!

[Els]

In case the previous comments weren't sufficiently clear... this would be an absolute dealbreaker to me and I would leave, OP. As long as you aren't breaking the law, there is no situation in which a partner can justifiably get "upset" over what you are wearing. Getting angry over something like that indicates that he feels entitled to being consulted on your choice of wardrobe, that he feels entitled to control what you wear, that he feels like your body belongs to him and not you. He's not just respectfully stating his opinions or preferences, he actually believes that you were "wrong" to go out wearing whatever you wanted. There's also a huge double standard here, since he has nipples too, and presumably he doesn't hesitate to expose them...

There was a case in the media recently that you might have read, where a man (the actor Jonah Hill) was sending his partner (surf instructor Sarah Brady) text messages on "his boundaries", but which were really all things that he expected HER not to do, including working with men, friendships with women "from her wild past", so on and so forth. And the consensus from all reputable sources is clear - he was being controlling, and she dodged a bullet by leaving him.

From https://www.cnbc.com/2023/07/12/how-to-spot-the-difference-between-boundaries-and-control.html
 

Quote

[This] sparked discussion around Hill’s use of the word “boundaries” and how what we know as “therapy-speak” can be invoked to justify questionable behavior. 

“Therapy speak has become weaponized in many ways,” says Lisa Marie Bobby, psychologist and founder of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver. “People take ideas that look, feel, and sometimes sound quite virtuous and healthy, but then use them in ways that effectively control or harm other people and relationships.”

A boundary is about your own actions, not someone else’s, Bobby says. Setting a boundary with your partner might sound like: “You can text me while I’m at work, but I won’t respond until the end of the day because I need to focus.” There is no directive for the other person.

I'm not sure how old either of you are, or how long you've been together, OP. But to me, it sounds like you are young and inexperienced, and he's banking on that. Whatever you choose to do, please take care of yourself. It's absolutely possible to have a relationship with a man who isn't controlling, who respects your right to make decisions for yourself, and who respects your bodily autonomy. I'm married to a man like that, and so are many of my friends. You don't have to put up with this just because you're a woman in a heterosexual relationship.

Edited August 14, 2023 by Els

[Lisa]

Thread has been closed due to posters failing to follow directive