Texted an old crush and this triggered new reflections and feelings

[markedheart]

TL;DR: Went out with a guy once, it didn't work out (distance, mixed signals) but we casually stayed in touch. Decided to ask him for advice no a family situation. And now I have no idea how I feel about him.

So a few years I met a guy at work - basically he was a consultant and we worked closely on a project together. So coworkers but not. We also had great chemistry. While we were working together, things veered into a slightly more flirty place. Nothing crazy, but we got pretty friendly, had lots in common, and talked about non-work stuff. During this time he also moved across the country - which was one of our personal topics to discuss, After some time, I ended up leaving the job for a better opportunity (via a referral from him). And when I was on my way out he was like "hey if you are in my city ever we can celebrate."

I was overdue for a trip to his area and I have friends and family there, and I had a break between jobs. So I decided to go and he planned an outing while I was in town.

He planned a great outing that wasn't labeled a date but felt like one. And by the end of the weekend things ended in a grey land. And after that he started to get settled into his new city and life happens. Over the next couple of years we casually stayed in touch via social and birthday texts.  

Fast forward to last summer, he reached out because he was in town. His sister was moving out of my area and was giving some stuff away he thought I might want. So we met up for a quick chat and exchange. We caught up on general work stuff, family stuff, and even a sidebar on dating. We complained about online dating and how dating is hard. 😆 And extended a casual invite to reach out if I was in his hood. 

Fast forward to this spring, I was in his area for work - just starting a new remote job based in his city.  Ironically staying in walking distance of his home. I reached out and said I am in your neighborhood, he had COVID so he was like "rain check." I said I'll likely be back in town semi-regularly since my team was based there and he was like keep in touch.

Well things didn't really work out that way. And I ended up getting laid off and took a break to deal with a difficult family situation. So things got pretty crazy. 

A couple of weeks ago he randomly texted me to ask some advice about work stuff. I was a little surprised since he probably had other folks in his network knowledgeable about it, but whatever. So that triggered a few texts and I mentioned a little bit about my job situation and quick life updates. He offered to help since it is a rough market and all. I was still in break mode recuperating from my stressful spring, so I told him I'd follow up when I kicked things off. 

Anyway it turned out not long after a mutual old colleague reached out and poof I got a job pretty easily. This week, I started the new job. I also had a weird family situation that was similar to something he had gone through. It was stuck in my head, so I decided to text him. 

I told him about the new gig with that mutual connection, and asked for his thoughts on the family thing.

What I got back was a bit of a surprise. We exchanged a few texts/voice messages and he was super vulnerable in what he shared. He had great advice for me.

And it reminded me why we had such strong vibes/connection when we met. The vulnerability was a little unexpected, since officially we are not super close. Friendly acquaintances if you will. 

When I reflect back on this "relationship" I have with him, there is a little bit of what if. I basically met him right when he was wrapping up with my city. If I had met him a few months earlier, we likely would have been a lot closer and more of a base to build something. Whether it turned out to be a great friendship or something else. But since we met when he was on his way out - there wasn't as much invested other than some fun and vaguely flirty convos. And we probably were both a little scared to explore feelings at that time because it was such a transitory time for both of us.

Who knows what things might have looked like in a parallel universe. But this advice chat opened up this whole set of unclear feelings.

 

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, markedheart said:

 Went out with a guy once, it didn't work out (distance, mixed signals) but we casually stayed in touch. 

It seems like a special connection but unfortunately never worked out on the romantic side. Are either of in other relationships or dating anyone? 

[Lisa]

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