Can Someone Explain What Happened? She Vanished.

[Heartbreat]

56 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I don’t think you screwed up by not getting her number. I don’t think it was ever meant to be with this girl.

Why are you trying to date a 20 year old girl? I ask mostly because, if you are looking for a serious relationship - you’re not going to find what you are searching for with a 20 year old college student. She has a whole different set of priorities right now and serious relationship with a 33 year old man is likely not on that list. 
 

That said, she is clearly not interested. Time for you to quit perseverating on her and move on with your life. 

I saw her as a good fit for a wife. She could bear our children, and I'd be the bread-winner of the family because of my relatively high-paying job. Unfortunately, like most 20 year olds, now she'll spend the next five years going in and out of relationships and having to deal with the nonsense from immature, college-aged boys.

Edited August 14, 2023 by Heartbreat
Typo

[Ami1uwant]

11 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

I saw her as a good fit for a wife. She could bear our children, and I'd be the bread-winner of the family because of my relatively high-paying job. Unfortunately, like most 20 year olds, now she'll spend the next five years going in and out of relationships and having to deal with the nonsense from immature, college-aged boys.

“She could bear our children”. What are you looking for exactly?

[introverted1]

4 hours ago, Heartbreat said:

Yes, they've all been in their late teens and early 20s when they've rage deleted like that.

Dude, why are you creeping on young girls?

No emotionally healthy teenager is going to want to date a 33yo man.  And, more to the point, no emotionally healthy 33yo man wants to date a teenager.  You are, or should be, at completely different life stages at these ages.  If you're not, there is something wrong... 

[Weezy1973]

How long have you been online dating? And how many actual dates have you gotten?

 

If it’s any length of time you should realize by now that this type of thing happens all the time. Deleting profiles, ghosting, catfish, etc. All part of it. You have no idea what happened and neither do any of us. Just time to move on. 

[BaileyB]

36 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

I saw her as a good fit for a wife. She could bear our children, and I'd be the bread-winner of the family because of my relatively high-paying job. Unfortunately, like most 20 year olds, now she'll spend the next five years going in and out of relationships and having to deal with the nonsense from immature, college-aged boys.

That’s what 20 year old college students are supposed to do. She’s not supposed to marry and be a stay at home mother at 20 - she’s not even thinking about that at this time. 

You saw her as a good fit for a wife? You don’t even know this woman!

You liked the idea of this woman and you assumed that she wanted what you wanted - but she didn’t. She clearly saw you coming (older man, creeping on a younger woman with inappropriate expectations) - that would scare the daylights out of almost every 20 year old woman, so she ghosted you. 

You are at very different life stages and that’s part of the reason why this was never going to work out. You are not going to find a 20 year old who wants to marry and stay at home raising your children… 

 

Edited August 14, 2023 by BaileyB

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, Heartbreat said:

That makes sense. Also, she comes from a small town, so maybe it made her uncomfortable because people she went to elementary and high school might have come across her profile. The timing still doesn't make sense, though. It makes it seem like my message triggered her deletion of her profile. I can't imagine that my message on a Tuesday afternoon just happened to coincide with her sudden commitment to another man when she had been on that site non-stop for a month. It's a bit discouraging to think that I might have discomfited her. 

Well, maybe it was like @Weezy1973mentioned and she never intended to meet up. I do think you need to dial it back a bit given this is someone you have not met and you're messages come across a bit intense.

Also agree that running for a first date, especially considering her age and as a first meet, is a bit unusual.

Whatever the case, no one knows why she deleted her profile, so try to stay polite and accept the situation as it is. Trying to push for an explanation or pressuring her to meet up is unlikely to have the desired effect and may put her off even more. She has indicated that she is not interested in maintaining contact with you so best to respect it.

I'm sorry when things don't work out like you hoped but try to move on and focus your efforts on other prospective matches. Your age difference is also a bit unusual and I'm not sure why you are going after someone so much younger (without mentioning the obvious) but that may have been a factor for her too.

It also puts you at a disadvantage if that's the pool you date in because you may find many younger people aren't seeking something long-term or may not take things as seriously as you or, you get scammed.

Edited August 14, 2023 by Alpacalia

[JTSW]

4 hours ago, Heartbreat said:

I saw her as a good fit for a wife. She could bear our children, and I'd be the bread-winner of the family because of my relatively high-paying job. Unfortunately, like most 20 year olds, now she'll spend the next five years going in and out of relationships and having to deal with the nonsense from immature, college-aged boys.

Ok, that just really creeped me out.

You creep on young girls then act like they are idiots when they don't want to pursue anything with you.

[LynneVicious]

Op, it seems like you have to learn to read the room. She probably just deleted her profile because she was over it at that point. There could be 97 reasons why she deleted it. Any healthy person would not be coming to the conclusions that you’ve come up with in your head about her.

You’ve never met her nor even spoken on the phone with her even, and you’re thinking she’d be a good wife and stay at home mom? That’s very concerning  

Have you been in any long term relationships?

[Will am I]

10 hours ago, Heartbreat said:

Yes, they've all been in their late teens and early 20s

Any particular reason why you’re repeatedly fishing in that pond?

 

[basil67]

8 hours ago, Heartbreat said:

I saw her as a good fit for a wife. She could bear our children, and I'd be the bread-winner of the family because of my relatively high-paying job. Unfortunately, like most 20 year olds, now she'll spend the next five years going in and out of relationships and having to deal with the nonsense from immature, college-aged boys.

Did you tell her that this is what you wanted?   

I would say that it's FORTUNATE that she will now spend the next five years partying and having relationships with young guys....and developing her career, and living with friends in share houses, travelling with other young people.... It's the best part of being in one's 20's!

[Kassieee]

You made it more than it really was. I don't think she was too smitten by you. But, I wouldn't take it personal as you two never met in person anyway.

Or she's a catfish, who reels it back and disappears when the other person seems to be getting too invested. 

She could be using dating sites just to talk to people. As an outlet from real life.

[Heartbreat]

24 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

But, I wouldn't take it personal as you two never met in person anyway.

Does that really make a difference? Conversation is conversation. Just because she met up with some young punks doesn't mean she has more of a connection with them. 

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

 she met up with some young punks doesn't mean she has more of a connection with them. 

It probably does. She's probably enjoying college and college guys.Teenagers don't want to be selected for breeding. 

However ghosting is common so it could be that or just creeped out. 

[Kassieee]

36 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

Does that really make a difference? Conversation is conversation. Just because she met up with some young punks doesn't mean she has more of a connection with them. 

Yes it makes a huge difference. 

She could be having the same convo with someone else online. People tend to enjoy real interaction, being touched, hearing an actual voice. Especially at her age going out with someone will always beat just chatting at home with someone- how boring.

 

Why are you stressing over a girl who can be a catfish for all you know. Could even be a dude.

Edited August 14, 2023 by SlimShadysWife

[basil67]

@Heartbreat I would imagine there are a number of older women who've lived their lives and are now ready to have babies and be at home with them.  Why are you not searching for women who've lived a full live and now know this is what they are looking for?

[basil67]

38 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

Does that really make a difference? Conversation is conversation. Just because she met up with some young punks doesn't mean she has more of a connection with them. 

I would argue that she would have more connection with boys her own age - mainly as they have so much more in common in terms of exploring all the things that young people explore together.

[BaileyB]

43 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

Does that really make a difference? Conversation is conversation.

Have you ever had an actual relationship with a woman? Because, if you have ever dated or had a relationship with a woman you would understand that there is a HUGE difference in conversing with a woman and building an actual relationship with this person over time and in person. 

Edited August 14, 2023 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

10 hours ago, Heartbreat said:

I saw her as a good fit for a wife. She could bear our children, and I'd be the bread-winner of the family because of my relatively high-paying job. Unfortunately, like most 20 year olds, now she'll spend the next five years going in and out of relationships and having to deal with the nonsense from immature, college-aged boys.

Believe it or not, this is what she will want.  Why?  Because she's an immature college girl.  They belong together to enjoy their youth and go through the same things most young people do in order to grow.  A 20 year old woman is far too young for a 30 year old man looking for a wife and mother for his kids.  You would probably end up getting cheated on because she missed out on her youth fooling around with you.  What's wrong with at least a 27 year old woman who is probably thinking about marriage?

[Alpacalia]

Yeah. If my brother-in-law found out his 20 year old daughter was talking to a 30 something year old man, he would go ape.

Why do you keep going for women that are so much younger than you? I know a lot of men like to date younger women, but it seems like you're not being very considerate of her age.

Maybe instead of trying to find someone to date, you should focus on developing friendships with people in your own age range? That way, you won't come across as a spook and you'll be able to build meaningful relationships.

Even if your intentions are pure, you're not going to be able to give a 20 year old the same advice, experiences, and life lessons that someone closer to your age will provide.

Saying that you have more to offer than boys her age tells me that you don't see women her age as equals and that you're trying to take advantage of her because she's young. That may not be your intention, but it's how it looks. Coincidentally, clearly you don't feel confident in yourself, and that's not okay. I understand wanting to be in a relationship, but respect yourself more than that. You're not doing yourself any favors.

Edited August 15, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Heartbreat]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

I would argue that she would have more connection with boys her own age - mainly as they have so much more in common in terms of exploring all the things that young people explore together.

I'm young too. It's never over. She could always create another OkCupid profile sometime down the line. I'm in a contest for a million dollars, so if I win it, I'll use my power and influence to my advantage. 

[IrinaM]

13 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

You are 33 and she’s 20….that should explain it all.

I agree with the above.

I'm going to try and say this gently, because I feel like you've bought into some romantic notions of how things "ought" to be.

There are certain truths so universal and set in stone that trying to be the exception is completely futile. For example, if you graduated law school two years ago, you won't be making partner in the next year. I'm sure if we scour the entire history of lawyering we can find some wunderkind ingenue who managed to pull it off, but I'd still be willing to bet all my money that it won't happen to me or you.

Twenty year old women are simply not attracted to men in their thirties and prefer to be with men their own age. They're not and they never will be. It doesn't matter that you think they should be. They're not.

You seem to think that men in their twenties are busy getting drunk and playing video games--this isn't necessarily so. Some are some aren't. I assure you is she wants to settle down, get married, and start a family in her 20s she is plenty capable of doing it with a man in his 20s. I know numerous young women who are married with a baby in their 20s to a man their own age.

And if that's not what she wants, then she can also find men in his 20s to do other stuff with. Either way, she has men her own age available to her, and that's what she will prefer. It's just how things are.

[Kassieee]

59 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

I'm young too. It's never over. She could always create another OkCupid profile sometime down the line. I'm in a contest for a million dollars, so if I win it, I'll use my power and influence to my advantage. 

1 million dollars won't give you power, that's nothing.

Girls won't be impressed by a millie. You need to reel it in and ask yourself why this one person is making you think irrationally. Has it brought out some kind of insecurity?

Edited August 15, 2023 by SlimShadysWife

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Heartbreat said:

I'm young too. It's never over. She could always create another OkCupid profile sometime down the line. I'm in a contest for a million dollars, so if I win it, I'll use my power and influence to my advantage. 

To a girl her age, you're ancient.  As for the rest, you're dreaming

[JTSW]

5 hours ago, Heartbreat said:

I'm young too. It's never over. She could always create another OkCupid profile sometime down the line. I'm in a contest for a million dollars, so if I win it, I'll use my power and influence to my advantage. 

That's your problem right there.

You're treating girls like they are a prize to be won.

They are not.

They are human beings.

Here's an idea, how about you look at women more closer to your age and not fresh of kindergarden.

[ExpatInItaly]

You’re projecting an awful lot and talking like you actually know this woman. You’re making the egocentric mistake of assuming that her choices (ie deleting her account) have anything to do with you. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this woman does not care enough about to be so affected that she’d “rage-delete” her account because of you. You’re just not that important to her. 

With respect, you appear be lacking some key socials skills and that is clearly contributing to your problems meeting a suitable match. The fact that you’re avoiding women closer to your own age says a lot, but perhaps someone close to you in real life can help guide you. You are making a lot of basic mistakes that could easily be avoided.