He's having me evicted

[Lilac243]

I'm not really sure where to start and my life is a mess right now. I've been with my common law husband for almost 15 years. We moved overseas for his career and while I do some freelance work here and there, he's the main breadwinner. We moved for his career opportunity and for me, there was not many options for jobs here. We both agreed on this would work for us. We had some relationship issues in the past. Mostly he would go through periods where he'd decide that for one reason or another I'm horrible and he wants to separate. He would tell me to leave and that he wants to be alone. Then, he would always beg for me not to leave and things would go back to normal. This would happen every few years. Sometimes he would leave and stay somewhere else for a few weeks. 

Now, it's happening again. But this is the worst it's ever been. He told me he's completely done with me and we've never been in a relationship. Because of the past I continued on with the mindset that he will "change his mind" again. I'm starting to suspect he may have undiagnosed bipolar or borderline personality disorder.  Instead, he actually hired an attorney, but instead of a seperation he has filed for my eviction. I'm not sure how this is even possible, because by law I am entitled to half of our house even though he "bought" it. I have contacted several attorneys, but ultimately will need to pay to hire one to represent me. I'm very low on extra money. He has turned all of our shared friends and his friends against me, telling them lies. My narcissistic/abusive mother has told me that she won't help me and "pay for my mistakes". In fact, when I asked for help they stopped talking to me. This is just all unbelievable and I don't know what to do. 

My partner refuses to talk to me about the situation. He said that's what he paid the lawyers to do. He knows that if I leave I will be homeless. He knows about my situation with my family. He knows that I don't have a job and it's because of the agreement we made which was best for him. He says it's all my fault and that he doesn't care. He's acting ruthless with me and like he never even knew me. I'm so concerned on many levels. He tells his lawyers that I just won't accept that he broke up with me years ago. I'm so embarrassed, so lost, so devastated, feeling so alone and betrayed. He has truly been my best friend for so many years. He treated me so well during the "happy times". I don't know what cause this honestly. And I know for a fact he's not in another relationship. He told me if I ask him any questions about the eviction or bring it up he will leave and block me for harassing him. 

I'm completely at a loss right now and feel like my whole life is destroyed. Thanks if you made it this far on my vent. I truly appreciate any insight.

[stillafool]

Sorry to hear this is happeniing to you again.  I saw in your history that he wanted to break up with you back in 2016 and hang out with people in their early 20s when he was 30.  I see you guys worked that out and here you are again.  Frankly I don't know how you could trust that he wasn't going to break up with you again.  He didn't ask to marry you when he took you back before.  Don't ever live with a man who is not your husband without having your own source of income (a job).  The way I see it you need to look for employment ASAP.  Maybe 2 jobs to afford you the money to move out.  If he won't even talk to you about it, he's done.  Is there someone else?  You need to believe him this time and start moving towards an exit.  Do you have siblings in your home country?

[S2B]

I would seek out an attorney asap!

you need to know what your rights are, if any.

[Lilac243]

I have been applying for work ( actually before this happened, just in case). Unfortunately, I don't meet the requirements for most of the jobs and have gotten rejected so far from everything. Even working in a restaurant, coffee shop, etc. I have tried taking on more freelance work, but it's been a little slow. My partner won't let me save up some money or work on finding employment. He told me it's my fault. I'm now getting bills from HIS legal fees. I was charged for them to write up the eviction. Honestly, I have no idea how this is possible, but it must be the way it works here. It's just setting me back even further. He is very aware that I can't afford to move out and that's why I didn't yet. I'm also concerned because we lived together for 15 years and I don't have any rental history or credit to apply for apartments either here or back in the US. Apparently, I have 10 days to legally respond to the eviction. I'm not sure what happens after. I've asked my partner to let me figure this out or have him help me and he says he will block me. I think that legally I am entitled to half of the home, but he knows I don't have the resources to fight it. 

I have a brother back in the US. He's aware of the situation, but can't really help me unfortunately. I even called a women's shelter here to see what they would say and they didn't think I qualified to stay there...

Edited August 15, 2023 by Lilac243

[BrinnM]

Where are you located now?

[Lilac243]

@BrinnM I'm in Sweden.

[S2B]

Well you better start taking some action now!!! 
for way too long - you have handed him all of your power. 

go to the help counter at the court and see if they can help you in any way!!!

[stillafool]

8 minutes ago, Lilac243 said:

@BrinnM I'm in Sweden.

Move back to the US.  Get 2 jobs if necessary.  Move in with relatives or a womens shelter.  It's doubtful you not having proof that you were a renter is going to prevent you from renting a room or apartment.  You just need money and a job or 2.  How old are you?  Go to local churches and ask for money to send you back to the US.  They will help.

Edited August 15, 2023 by stillafool

[S2B]

If you are able to leave that area - do NOT sever tell him where you go!!!

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, Lilac243 said:

 I have 10 days to legally respond to the eviction. 

If you don't respond you will lose by default. Please research the legal system and see what your options are. You may be able to respond that you need to secure legal counsel, to buy some time to make arrangements.

Are you a swedish resident?  Have you contacted the US embassy there? You need to know where you stand as far as the swedish equivalent to common law marriage and property rights. 

[MsJayne]

Sorry to hear you're going through this, you must be beside yourself with worry and fear. I believe Sweden recognises common law marriage, however it may be dependent on citizenship status, and you may be eligible for legal aid. Before applying for legal aid, (if you're eligible), you would need to prove financial hardship. This link may help, (apologies if you've already referenced this).  

https://e-justice.europa.eu/37129/EN/legal_aid?SWEDEN&init=true&member=1

Do you share a bank account with your partner or have access to any money at all? It's actually better if you don't, because if you're dependent on him for income the court will likely view what he's doing as a form of domestic abuse, particularly in light of you being an ex-pat with no family in Sweden. It would also reflect well on you if you don't go for half the house, just enough to get you home to the US and get you back on your feet. I say this because it sounds like he's going to go the route of denying your relationship, and I would guess he's doing this so that when you say the relationship's been 15 years, he's going to argue that and paint you as a free-loader that he couldn't get rid of. You're spinning at the moment, but you need to try and focus on survival and force yourself to take the steps you need to to get the legal ball rolling.  

[Lilac243]

@Wiseman2 I am a swedish resident. I haven't tried the US embassy yet. I have been told that I have rights to my property. Interestingly, I went on my partner's legal team site and they answered a question on their home page about how you can't evict a common law spouse since it's shared property. I have no idea how they got around this. I am not evicted yet, but they were able to process the application and charge me for it.

[stillafool]

Is your name on the mortgage?  Do you have receipts from paying any of the mortgage?

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, Lilac243 said:

@Wiseman2 I am a swedish resident. I haven't tried the US embassy yet. I have been told that I have rights to my property. 

Please carefully research your actual rights. Do not contact his attorney. As a legal resident you have rights but you need to know what they are. 

[MsJayne]

7 minutes ago, Lilac243 said:

@Wiseman2 I am a swedish resident. I haven't tried the US embassy yet. I have been told that I have rights to my property. Interestingly, I went on my partner's legal team site and they answered a question on their home page about how you can't evict a common law spouse since it's shared property. I have no idea how they got around this. I am not evicted yet, but they were able to process the application and charge me for it.

Because your partner has probably told them that he's been trying to end the relationship and you wouldn't leave. With regard to your rights to "your" property, I'm not meaning to be disrespectful, but how much have you contributed to the purchase of that property? If you have no children it will likely be questioned in a family law court why you haven't been adequately contributing to household income, and a shortage of work in your chosen field won't cut it as an answer. I only say this because your reasons for not working sound flimsy, it comes across as you enjoying a lifestyle of leisure while your partner works. 

 

[BaileyB]

You need to hire a lawyer, ASAP.

Is the title for the home in both your names? As a common-law spouse, where I live you would have something called homestead rights. You would likely divide half of the assets gained during your relationship. But, I don’t know that you have any claim on home ownership if he purchased and the title of the home is in his name - particularly if he purchased the home prior to your relationship. A lawyer would help you to clarify your situation.

Sweden has a safety net - shelters, legal aid, etc… I would seek a legal opinion and start looking for employment immediately. I find it difficult to believe that you have been unable to find any employment at all.  But, whatever you do, do NOT take this man back. If this is his pattern - it is a horrible, horrible thing to do to another person. I would not advise you to take him back under any circumstance…

Edited August 15, 2023 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

Did he already own the home before you moved in?

[BaileyB]

Just now, stillafool said:

Did he already own the home before you moved in?

You would want to clarify with a lawyer, but when we drafted a cohabitation agreement with a lawyer (also common law), I believe any assets acquired prior to a relationship were considered separately in the event of separation or divorce. 

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

You would want to clarify with a lawyer, but when we drafted a cohabitation agreement with a lawyer (also common law), I believe any assets acquired prior to a relationship were considered separately in the event of separation or divorce. 

Yes that is how it usually works.

[Lilac243]

50 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

Sorry to hear you're going through this, you must be beside yourself with worry and fear. I believe Sweden recognises common law marriage, however it may be dependent on citizenship status, and you may be eligible for legal aid. Before applying for legal aid, (if you're eligible), you would need to prove financial hardship. This link may help, (apologies if you've already referenced this).  

https://e-justice.europa.eu/37129/EN/legal_aid?SWEDEN&init=true&member=1

Do you share a bank account with your partner or have access to any money at all? It's actually better if you don't, because if you're dependent on him for income the court will likely view what he's doing as a form of domestic abuse, particularly in light of you being an ex-pat with no family in Sweden. It would also reflect well on you if you don't go for half the house, just enough to get you home to the US and get you back on your feet. I say this because it sounds like he's going to go the route of denying your relationship, and I would guess he's doing this so that when you say the relationship's been 15 years, he's going to argue that and paint you as a free-loader that he couldn't get rid of. You're spinning at the moment, but you need to try and focus on survival and force yourself to take the steps you need to to get the legal ball rolling.  

@MsJayne

Thank you for the link. I'm extremely worried and scared. I'm physically sick from the stress. I have my own bank account and he would just send me money for expenses or shared bills. You're absolutely correct that he's denying our relationship and painting me as a freeloader. It's also what he's told all of his friends that I've been holding him "hostage" and he's in "prison". I'm sure it's the picture he's painting to his legal team also. I do truly feel like because of the circumstances this is domestic abuse. There's a lot going on that's difficult to explain to people about the situation and it's making me feel sick that he's lying to people. Just the other day he grabbed me sexually, for example and was being flirty with me. Or he'll switch for some hours and act like we still have a future and be very kind to me like this weekend, but the whole time he was planning on serving me the eviction today. I'm not saying he's a flat out abuser and he isn't pysically abusing me.

I'm not sure if he has mental health issues, but it's my only explanation. He also goes on huge spending and non sleeping sprees when he wants me to leave. During the other times we've been extremely close/ We've built a life together and I've helped him in sooooooo many ways and sacrificed so much for his dreams to live in Sweden.  I'm just saying it makes all of the worse and nobody else sees it, and I can't prove it. He's a prominent figure in his workplace and has a great reputation, so I know everyone will believe him. He told one of his friends that i'm squatting in his house... I called a women's shelter and because he's not "abusing me" it doesn't seem like they view this as mistreatment. All this crazy making is making my situation worse. Also the fact the he refuses to discuss it with me. I just need to vent it. 

Edited August 15, 2023 by Lilac243

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Lilac243 said:

He told me if I ask him any questions about the eviction or bring it up he will leave and block me for harassing him. 

If this is the case then ask him.  Let him be the one to leave.  You need to find a job immediately.

[Lilac243]

21 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Did he already own the home before you moved in?

No, we moved from the US together. He purchased the home, but we moved in together and it was intended to be our home together. Before that, we also lived together in the US, but we rented. I should also clarify that when I originally moved here I wasn't allowed to work legally. And then some years ago, when I was renewing my application I couldn't legally work for almost 2 years again because of some permit issues. Now, I can legally work in Sweden, I just haven't been able to find a job yet except the freelance jobs. 

Edited August 15, 2023 by Lilac243

[stillafool]

12 minutes ago, Lilac243 said:

when I originally moved here I wasn't allowed to work legally. And then some years ago, when I was renewing my application I couldn't legally work for almost 2 years again because of some permit issues.

But what about the other 12 or so years?  Why didn't you get a job is probably what the courts will ask.

[Weezy1973]

You’re going to have to see what the laws are in Sweden. In some jurisdictions, if he bought the home and is the only one on title, you wouldn’t have any right to it if you’re common law. If it was jointly owned then you would get half. Do you know if you’re on title as well?

[Lilac243]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

But what about the other 12 or so years?  Why didn't you get a job is probably what the courts will ask.

We were together for almost 15 years. I worked in the US. We've only lived in Sweden for about 8 of those years. Several of those years I legally couldn't earn an income in Sweden. I've always had freelance jobs that I work on and the agreement between my partner and I for several reasons was that I didn't need to have a full time job because that worked better for us and he needs to travel a lot for his job. He actually discouraged me in the past from taking on freelance work. I'm just trying to be clear about the situation that I'm in and why it's that why. During the time it was okay because things were going smoothly. Now it really is difficult to find a job that I don't have a solid work history, don't have a driver's license here, the jobs here don't fit my skills, etc. It severely limits my options. I'm still trying though and have been for a while.