Wiseman2 Posted October 25, 2023 Share Posted October 25, 2023 Sorry this happened. You made the right decision,it seems like you dodged a bullet. Hopefully you have deleted and blocked her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. How did you meet? How long were you dating? What exactly do you mean by "emotionally unavailable"? Was she trying to just be friends? Was there a lack of intimacy or sex? Even if it was the right decision, there may be some downtime to process the whole thing. All you can do is regroup. Perhaps take a break from jumping on dating apps just a few days after the breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
EmergencySandwich Posted October 25, 2023 Share Posted October 25, 2023 41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. You made the right decision,it seems like you dodged a bullet. Hopefully you have deleted and blocked her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. How did you meet? How long were you dating? What exactly do you mean by "emotionally unavailable"? Was she trying to just be friends? Was there a lack of intimacy or sex? Even if it was the right decision, there may be some downtime to process the whole thing. All you can do is regroup. Perhaps take a break from jumping on dating apps just a few days after the breakup? We met on Hinge and were dating for five long, exhausting months. There wasn't much of a honeymoon phase if I'm being honest and it was a constant emotional rollercoaster. Her history includes a loving, yet failed marriage where her ex husband was the one who divorced her. And then nothing but failed relationships after that due to what I believe to be some toxic patterns that she engages in for her own reasons. She has been in therapy for a while and acknowledges that she has stuff to work on but she even admitted to me the other week when I broke things off that initially when we started dating she was 100% emotionally available and ready to date but then about two months into us dating, she experienced "some heavy s***" that knocked her back a few steps and she's been emotionally unavailable ever since. I never bothered to ask her what that "heavy s***" was, but I definitely noticed a shift in the dynamic between us after that point. She started pulling away and I felt like the interest level wasn't the same as it was before. She had no problems being vulnerable and talking about deep heavy topics with me, but something relating to her past trauma left her guarded and surrounded by this fortress of walls. She told me that she's had a really hard time bringing down her walls consistently, which was the main problem and what I think gave things a platonic vibe. When the walls were down the dates were incredible and she was fun, flirty, playful etc. But any time she saw a glimpse of progress or success in the relationship the walls would go back up and the following dates would down right suck. Sex never happened, we hooked up only a couple of times, but it never went as far as sex. I was always to the one to initiate any physical touch whether it was sexual or non-sexual. Being that my love language is physical touch I brought this up to her and after expressing my needs, she would initiate very basic physical touch like holding my arm or putting her arm around me but then after a few days it would go back to me being the one to initiate things every time. Basically she just didn't make me feel wanted or desired and after she became emotionally unavailable she continued to give the reason of "I feel more like friends"... What's absolutely crazy to me is that I've already seen her back on the dating apps which obviously sucks to see but a sliver of me feels bad for her because it's like she can't be alone even though she knows she's not anywhere close to being in a healthy position to date. She's probably going to end up repeating the same patterns with the next poor guy, expecting a different result. 🤷♂️ Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 25, 2023 Share Posted October 25, 2023 2 minutes ago, EmergencySandwich said: Sex never happened, we hooked up only a couple of times, but it never went as far as sex. You definitely dodged a bullet. 5 months of this seems exhausting. Even though she hopped right on dating apps, she probably needs a psychiatrist, not a BF. Delete, block count your blessings that it's finally over. Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted October 25, 2023 Share Posted October 25, 2023 2 hours ago, EmergencySandwich said: This woman has come from nothing but failed relationships Don't we all? Link to post Share on other sites
EmergencySandwich Posted October 25, 2023 Share Posted October 25, 2023 9 minutes ago, semble said: Don't we all? Lol touche'. I suppose if we didn't this site would cease to exist. But in her case after talking with those close to her and those that know her ex husband and ex partners it seems to be a case of her engaging in the same toxic patterns over and over again with her being the common denominator, and the end result being the same - She ends up pushing the guy away and moves on to the next victim without truly getting to the root of the issue and the cycle repeats. I really liked her and wanted to do everything to make it work. I was all for being supportive and helping her through this in anyway I could, simply because I've been there and I know what she's going through. But after months of getting the bare minimum with no reciprocity, constantly questioning her attraction for me, and lack of any physical touch it's exhausted me and my tank is empty. But at this point I can chalk it up as not mine problem anymore I suppose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 26, 2023 Share Posted October 26, 2023 Were there any differences? She might have realized she wasn’t attracted after all. What did you mean in speaking with those who know her? Are you meaning you went behind her back and asked around or talked about her or her exes? Was she aware you did this if this is what you meant? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted October 26, 2023 Share Posted October 26, 2023 10 hours ago, EmergencySandwich said: I’m not sure why this is now hitting so hard, but a week ago I left an emotionally unavailable woman after not getting what I needed or deserved for months. I know it was the right move and when I first ended it and walked I was feeling great. Full of confidence and felt like I left the situation with my self respect and some control over the situation. But now I’m left sad and lonely feeling like she was the one who broke up with me. I’ve started going on dates but part of me feels like I’m not entirely into it yet because this past woman has left me emotionally drained after I was the one putting in all the effort and constantly left questioning her attraction towards me. I wanted the relationship to work with her so bad and put everything into it only to get back the bare minimum and listen to her tell me multiple times that she feels more like friends even after I did all the things to try to make things feel more than “just friends”. This woman has come from nothing but failed relationships and then unfortunately was put through the ringer by a toxic ex before me that left her emotionally traumatized. I really think that her emotional unavailability prevented her from engaging in any emotional intimacy consistently. And without emotional intimacy there’s no way for romantic intimacy to develop hence why she was left feeling like just friends despite my best efforts. On top of that any kind of physical intimacy would cause her anxiety and added to the feelings of platonic friendship. Worst part is when her walls would come down things between us were great and we started feeling more like romantic partners but then shortly after when the walls came back up, it was back to those platonic vibes preventing us from getting anywhere. Long story short, I’m trying to forget her and move on knowing it was for the best but I keep getting hung up on her and don’t know how to move past this considering I feel like it’s taking away from new experiences with other women😔 That was your cue her low level of interest to begin with. Nothing you can really do to raise that interest level nothing at all if she's got low or no interest to begin with you just end up convincing her to be in something she's not into. Sorry this has happened but the best lesson you can take away from this for next time is move on from a woman and quickly who is not interested and to find a date with a woman who shows interest it will be soo much easier Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted October 26, 2023 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 26, 2023 @WorldTraveler and @EmergencySandwich are the same member. Thread will continue under the former username 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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