Why is he lurking non-stop but does not speak to me?

[CuriousGirl77]

Ladies and gents, I'm really trying to understand what this man is doing, or shall I say, WHY he's doing it.  It's been going on for about 2 weeks solid - maybe a bit longer.

I know this man online and in IRL (remotely) as we work in the same industry and our paths have crossed on projects before over many years - so we have professional ties. I also brought him on my podcast before (last year) and we had a nice interaction.

I did NOT 'notice' him, nor he I but then like a month ago, I posted some pics in a few tight dresses that really showed off my figure and since we were connected on FB he messaged me just saying hi, and I didn't get it, I talked about work, lol, and he was nice enough.  I then connected with him on IG and then things became different.

He started looking at my stories the INSTANT I posted them. Mind you, this guy literally has THOSANDS of followers and people that he follows.

So, I started doing the same back to him. 

I thought that, like all other men, he'd at some point talk to me in terms of messaging me. 

Nope. 

I posted new pics, he did like them and some of my posts, but it's more in my IG stories where he's just THERE all the time, non-stop, all this time. Day and night. Every day. 

I did some digging and found out that he IS married, kinda-sorta newly married, about 3 years ago - no kids. I suppose that kind of explains things. 

Anyway, I may not be the biggest dater in the world, lol, but this I've never had happen to me before. Every other guy that liked me or was interested in me actually went beyond obsessing over the music/stories I post on IG.

I did, on purpose, post some thing on my FB (where we're still also connected) about one of his work projects to help get some positive reviews out there, all he did was 'Love' the status but again, he said nothing and then immediately started doing the same thing by immediately viewing my story.  

While I'm not creeped out by his behavior (because it is sort of stalker-ish) our real-world ties means that I know he's never harmed anyone - he's very dedicated and serious about work and very well-liked.  But I just don't understand why he's doing this and if there are men out there reading this, I would love your two cents.

Some part of me is wondering if I need to somehow take him off my IG this week... 

 

 

[JTSW]

He's married and his wife is probably on his Insta so he can't interact with you.

If it bothers you then why don't you block him?

Unless you like his attention?

What exactly do you want from him?

[CuriousGirl77]

Yes, I do like him. Look, being very honest, he's not handsome and yet he's tall, has a deep voice, blue eyes and rides a motorcycle, lmao, he's very intelligent too. Yes, I like his attention and I'd say I wanted more of it. But this what he's doing just like he's doing it on purpose because he likes me, and he wants him to like him.

Conflict here because I KNOW he's found a way to stay on my radar without getting busted - it's sneaky and that indicates he's probably done this before with women online. 

I don't know. I think that if I do block him, it'll just be because I want this to stop but I will feel bad when I do it. 

[JTSW]

8 minutes ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

Yes, I do like him. Look, being very honest, he's not handsome and yet he's tall, has a deep voice, blue eyes and rides a motorcycle, lmao, he's very intelligent too. Yes, I like his attention and I'd say I wanted more of it. But this what he's doing just like he's doing it on purpose because he likes me, and he wants him to like him.

Conflict here because I KNOW he's found a way to stay on my radar without getting busted - it's sneaky and that indicates he's probably done this before with women online. 

I don't know. I think that if I do block him, it'll just be because I want this to stop but I will feel bad when I do it. 

He's MARRIED.

Think about his wife.

Do not pursue this. 

It does not matter if he has a little secret crush on you because he can never act on it.

You need to stop with little thing you have for him and block him out of respect for his wife.

You will not be respected for pursuing a married man.

Edited August 17, 2023 by JTSW

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

I did some digging and found out that he IS married, if I need to somehow take him off my IG.

Yes. It would be a good idea to review and reset All your social media privacy settings and review the nature of your content and who has access to it. 

Do you have a crush on him? What inspired you to "do some digging"?

[CuriousGirl77]

I'm not pursuing anything beyond doing back to him what he does to me, so I'm not doing anything. HE'S the one who started it being all over me online non-stop - I promise you.

We have a time difference, 3 hours apart. It's the FIRST thing he does when he wakes up in the morning, and then it goes on all day long until I go to bed. I didn't know that he was married, he certainly isn't advertising that. 

At the end of the day, you're RIGHT and I am going to delete him at the very least on IG and just forget it and talk to some single guys

[CuriousGirl77]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. It would be a good idea to review and reset All your social media privacy settings and review the nature of your content and who has access to it. 

Do you have a crush on him? What inspired you to "do some digging"?

Once he started immediately and consistently looking at my stories, so yes, now I do like him but it is what it is. He's married and plus again, I think it's super sneaky of him to know how to send signals while he's married and covering his tracks, lol. Once a cheater always a cheater lol

[JTSW]

13 minutes ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

Once he started immediately and consistently looking at my stories, so yes, now I do like him but it is what it is. He's married and plus again, I think it's super sneaky of him to know how to send signals while he's married and covering his tracks, lol. Once a cheater always a cheater lol

Wow, I think you are looking at this all wrong.

I can't see where he is sending any 'signals'. I think you are just imagining it.

He hasn't cheated, and there is nothing wrong with viewing peoples Insta stories.

People get notifications when someone has posted a story.

I look at people's stories the second I get a notification but that doesn't mean I'm sending 'signals'.

I think you have built something up in your head that isn't there, so you need to delete and block him.

 

Edited August 17, 2023 by JTSW

[JTSW]

15 minutes ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

HE'S the one who started it being all over me online non-stop

Again, I think you have misconstrued it as something else. 

[CuriousGirl77]

Could be, could not be.  But yes, just gonna put a stop to it and thank you so much for your input.

[Wiseman2]

30 minutes ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

 Once a cheater always a cheater lol

Responding to thirst traps doesn't really make him a "cheater". If he bothers you block him, if not enjoy the attention. 

[JTSW]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Responding to thirst traps doesn't really make him a "cheater". If he bothers you block him, if not enjoy the attention. 

Agreed. Viewing people's stories doesn't make them a cheater.

if that were the case, everyone who has Insta is a cheater lol

[CuriousGirl77]

The thing is, I grew up with lots of male cousins and we had close relationships into adulthood.  Meaning, I've seen how some men play games with women and their wives. Joey had a wife and yet he never stopped chasing after and sleeping with tons of women all across the US. And the trick he used on his wife was, "Do you have any proof?" because he was always careful and covered his tracks.  No traces of his actions were there for her to ever 'prove' infidelity or intent to pursue connections with other women - in spite of the fact that it never stopped. It's called gaslighting. 

Maybe I've seen too much  

 

[stillafool]

6 minutes ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

The thing is, I grew up with lots of male cousins and we had close relationships into adulthood.  Meaning, I've seen how some men play games with women and their wives. Joey had a wife and yet he never stopped chasing after and sleeping with tons of women all across the US. And the trick he used on his wife was, "Do you have any proof?" because he was always careful and covered his tracks.  No traces of his actions were there for her to ever 'prove' infidelity or intent to pursue connections with other women - in spite of the fact that it never stopped. It's called gaslighting. 

Maybe I've seen too much  

 

Okay.  What does this have to do with the married man you're interested in?

[JTSW]

18 minutes ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

Joey had a wife and yet he never stopped chasing after and sleeping with tons of women all across the US. And the trick he used on his wife was, "Do you have any proof?" because he was always careful and covered his tracks.  No traces of his actions were there for her to ever 'prove' infidelity or intent to pursue connections with other women - in spite of the fact that it never stopped. It's called gaslighting. 

Maybe I've seen too much  

You've been brought up around the wrong type of men that thinks it's ok to go behind their wife's back.

You seem to be basing the Insta guy off of what you witnessed with your cousin and trying to convince yourself that this is what Insta guy is doing..

He's not.

Your cousins behaviour was horrendous.

I get a feeling that you're not really going to delete the Insta guy and that you are going to continue to pursue him regardless of anyone's advice.

Edited August 17, 2023 by JTSW

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

Some part of me is wondering if I need to somehow take him off my IG this week... 

I think you should. He sounds like he is just trying to get attention from you without being honest about his intentions. It's okay if he is married and wants to look, but there is a line you have to draw. If you don't feel comfortable with his behavior, then it's best to remove him from your social media accounts. That way, you will not be giving him any encouragement or allowing him to continue being intrusive in your life.

[CuriousGirl77]

10 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I think you should. He sounds like he is just trying to get attention from you without being honest about his intentions. It's okay if he is married and wants to look, but there is a line you have to draw. If you don't feel comfortable with his behavior, then it's best to remove him from your social media accounts. That way, you will not be giving him any encouragement or allowing him to continue being intrusive in your life.

100%.  In spite of the guys here trying to make it seem as if somehow, I'm taking it the wrong way, nope. Back before my first marriage, yeah, my future husband was just everywhere that I was out of the blue. After my divorce, my next bf and we were together and got engaged and lasted for 7 years, similar behavior at the outset.  Men who like you, are curious, etc., always find a way to let you know that you're on their radar, lol. Anyway, it is harmless mostly but still, the wisest thing is just to be done with it because the way I've handled it encourages it to continue. 

[Kassieee]

Not everyone uses Instagram as a dating site.

Although I think it's out of line he's watching and keeping tabs on other women.

Edited August 17, 2023 by SlimShadysWife

[Kassieee]

3 hours ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

Yes, I do like him. Look, being very honest, he's not handsome and yet he's tall, has a deep voice, blue eyes and rides a motorcycle, lmao, he's very intelligent too. Yes, I like his attention and I'd say I wanted more of it. But this what he's doing just like he's doing it on purpose because he likes me, and he wants him to like him.

Conflict here because I KNOW he's found a way to stay on my radar without getting busted - it's sneaky and that indicates he's probably done this before with women online. 

I don't know. I think that if I do block him, it'll just be because I want this to stop but I will feel bad when I do it. 

Don't you find him corny though. 

A whole grown married man just sitting there just scrolling on Instagram? Isn't there a way to set who can view your stories? Put him on mute.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why do you want him to like you? 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

100%.  In spite of the guys here trying to make it seem as if somehow, I'm taking it the wrong way, nope. Back before my first marriage, yeah, my future husband was just everywhere that I was out of the blue. After my divorce, my next bf and we were together and got engaged and lasted for 7 years, similar behavior at the outset.  Men who like you, are curious, etc., always find a way to let you know that you're on their radar, lol. Anyway, it is harmless mostly but still, the wisest thing is just to be done with it because the way I've handled it encourages it to continue. 

It's best for you to nip this in the bud - even if there is a spark that you're feeling, it's for the best to resist it, and not encourage things any further. It's a tricky situation to be in, because it can make things awkward if you confront him - I would recommend cutting ties with him online, perhaps even temporarily blocking him. If you do need to interact with him professionally, do it politely and professionally, without engaging in any deeper conversations beyond what's strictly necessary.

[Alvi]

He would not be the first guy who is trying to get his feet wet in a very murky water of infidelity. There are plenty of married men on social media and dating sites, who just want to see what is out there. They check women out, chat, flirt, sext, talk about their fantasies but never meet anybody in person. Some men don't consider this behavior as cheating since there is no actual physical contact involved. This guy probably finds you attractive but how far he wants to take it is another question. But it is irrelevant what he wants. Do you want to have an affair with a married guy? Perhaps the best option here is to block him on your social media page. Only talk to him in a professional way and about anything that involves business and nothing else. Don't discuss any personal stuff with him and put a stop immediately if he tries to go there.

[JTSW]

1 hour ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

Anyway, it is harmless mostly but still, the wisest thing is just to be done with it because the way I've handled it encourages it to continue. 

You're right, it's harmless of nothing is acted on.

Yes, you have been encouraging and it's good you realise that so you can put it right by blocking and deleting him. 

[stillafool]

24 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

Don't you find him corny though

Probably not, some people will take attention anyway they can get it.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

Why is he lurking non-stop but does not speak to me?

 It seems like you answered your own question. "I did some digging and found out that he IS married".