Why is he lurking non-stop but does not speak to me?

[glows]

He could be viewing stories while on the toilet. If there’s anything I learned in relationships is that people take their phones when taking a dump. OP - the point I’m making is that this isn’t really a big deal or it is what you make of it. You do seem to pay him a great deal of attention and are piqued by his online activity.

I think I checked IG last month so I wouldn’t know - is there no setting that blocks off certain people or accounts from any notifications? 

I do agree if anything is making you feel uncomfortable get rid of. Beyond that I think you’re paying this guy too much attention.

[Kassieee]

There's no doubt that he finds you interesting in some type of way to be religiously watching your stories. But that's not really flattering, really think about it.

[CuriousGirl77]

38 minutes ago, Alvi said:

He would not be the first guy who is trying to get his feet wet in a very murky water of infidelity. There are plenty of married men on social media and dating sites, who just want to see what is out there. They check women out, chat, flirt, sext, talk about their fantasies but never meet anybody in person. Some men don't consider this behavior as cheating since there is no actual physical contact involved. This guy probably finds you attractive but how far he wants to take it is another question. But it is irrelevant what he wants. Do you want to have an affair with a married guy? Perhaps the best option here is to block him on your social media page. Only talk to him in a professional way and about anything that involves business and nothing else. Don't discuss any personal stuff with him and put a stop immediately if he tries to go there.

Thank you so much for this. All very well said.  Excellent, helpful response

[CuriousGirl77]

57 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

It's best for you to nip this in the bud - even if there is a spark that you're feeling, it's for the best to resist it, and not encourage things any further. It's a tricky situation to be in, because it can make things awkward if you confront him - I would recommend cutting ties with him online, perhaps even temporarily blocking him. If you do need to interact with him professionally, do it politely and professionally, without engaging in any deeper conversations beyond what's strictly necessary.

I am NOT at all going to confront him. I have a lot of extremely important work stuff unfolding right now and the last thing I want/need is some stupid BS gossip making the rounds right now, no thank you.  The fact is, I've kept it so clean in terms of separating work and personal life - I don't mess around with men I've worked for a number of years for a reason. You don't want a reputation. 

My thinking is this.  I will post saying I have a new project (I do) and I have to dedicate time to it, so I'm 'taking a social media break' shut down IG and then 'restrict' him on FB so I'm essentially 'blocking' him without overtly blocking him - if that makes any sense. 

[Kassieee]

2 minutes ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

I am NOT at all going to confront him. I have a lot of extremely important work stuff unfolding right now and the last thing I want/need is some stupid BS gossip making the rounds right now, no thank you.  The fact is, I've kept it so clean in terms of separating work and personal life - I don't mess around with men I've worked for a number of years for a reason. You don't want a reputation. 

My thinking is this.  I will post saying I have a new project (I do) and I have to dedicate time to it, so I'm 'taking a social media break' shut down IG and then 'restrict' him on FB so I'm essentially 'blocking' him without overtly blocking him - if that makes any sense. 

I think that's a good idea. Doesn't Instagram have a mute option so that you don't have to see his stuff without blocking?

[CuriousGirl77]

1 hour ago, SlimShadysWife said:

I think that's a good idea. Doesn't Instagram have a mute option so that you don't have to see his stuff without blocking?

It's already done.  I made a story AND a post on my IG feed that due to work reasons, I needed to lay off the social media distractions for a while.  I informed everyone that my IG profile would be down as of later today.  

Of course, within 2 minutes of me posting it, he was the first one to view the story. 

Over on FB, I went ahead and 'restricted' him and since my posts are private, he won't see anything I post unless I choose to make it public. I had no idea about the mute option, lol, but too late now

[flitzanu]

it does seem really weird that a person is using social media the way it was intended, to look at people's posts and react to them

[Kassieee]

2 hours ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

It's already done.  I made a story AND a post on my IG feed that due to work reasons, I needed to lay off the social media distractions for a while.  I informed everyone that my IG profile would be down as of later today.  

Of course, within 2 minutes of me posting it, he was the first one to view the story. 

Over on FB, I went ahead and 'restricted' him and since my posts are private, he won't see anything I post unless I choose to make it public. I had no idea about the mute option, lol, but too late now

That's good. Maybe now he can focus on his wife rather than other women. Even when using such apps theres still online etiquette....and those who are heavy on social media will recognize his behaviour like you have. 

Edited August 17, 2023 by SlimShadysWife

[basil67]

Add me to the list of people who aren't seeing his behaviour as problematic.  As it is, you did try to bait him into conversation that one time and he chose to not engage so this tells us he's not interested in anything other than your posts. 

Have you looked at how you invited this into your life?   If he's liking your posts so frequently that it bothers you, then that tells us that you're posting very frequently.  Which combined with posting thirst traps, tells me that you're seeking the kind of likes and attention that this brings.   Not that there's anything wrong with getting attention via social media - many do it-  but don't go complaining just because someone spends their days on the internet and likes the posts which you choose to put up.

In real life, attention which we don't seek is bothersome because it can happen when we're not asking for it.  But online, we are 100% in charge of how much we put out there and how much we are seen .....and getting attention is the whole point of posting.  

I think it's smart that you've pulled back from posting. 

[Alpacalia]

Well she said "I posted new pics, he did like them and some of my posts, but it's more in my IG stories where he's just THERE all the time, non-stop, all this time. Day and night. Every day."

I am not sure if that's an exaggeration on her part and I understand the occasional look that's completely normal online but not to the point where he is constantly staring at her social media.

I'm not sure a lot of wives would be comfortable with that. If her husband is really spending all of his free time watching her IG stories non-stop, she needs to extract herself from this situation. Especially since she readily admits to having a crush on him.

[glows]

6 hours ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

It's already done.  I made a story AND a post on my IG feed that due to work reasons, I needed to lay off the social media distractions for a while.  I informed everyone that my IG profile would be down as of later today.  

Of course, within 2 minutes of me posting it, he was the first one to view the story. 

Over on FB, I went ahead and 'restricted' him and since my posts are private, he won't see anything I post unless I choose to make it public. I had no idea about the mute option, lol, but too late now

Are you really laying off social media though? Or still checking up on him and posting? I guess I’m confused about the announcement. Do you feel there are close friends and family who would worry about you not posting for a few weeks? Why not just… stop? 

[basil67]

15 hours ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

but it's more in my IG stories where he's just THERE all the time, non-stop, all this time. Day and night. Every day. 

Google tells me that there's no way to see who has looked at your posts or how often they do it.

Assuming that you're not posting 50 posts a day which he was interacting with, was he continually commenting on the same stories over and over again?   Because how else would you know that he's looking at you all the time, non stop, day and night? 

 

[Kassieee]

33 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Google tells me that there's no way to see who has looked at your posts or how often they do it.

Assuming that you're not posting 50 posts a day which he was interacting with, was he continually commenting on the same stories over and over again?   Because how else would you know that he's looking at you all the time, non stop, day and night? 

 

She said IG story. You can see who viewed your story. 

Google..

To look at who's seen your story, open your story and swipe up on the screen. You'll see the number and the Instagram usernames of the people who have viewed each photo or video in your story. If you shared your story to Facebook, scroll down see who saw your story on Facebook.

[basil67]

46 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

She said IG story. You can see who viewed your story. 

Google..

To look at who's seen your story, open your story and swipe up on the screen. You'll see the number and the Instagram usernames of the people who have viewed each photo or video in your story. If you shared your story to Facebook, scroll down see who saw your story on Facebook.

Thanks for the clarification.  And does this include how many times they've watched and the time stamps for each repeat view?  I mean, she's talking about him watching her in pretty much all his waking hours

And how do we know that he's not just a regular internet junkie who's on all the time liking many posts from many people?

Edited August 18, 2023 by basil67

[Kassieee]

"I posted new pics, he did like them and some of my posts, but it's more in my IG stories where he's just THERE all the time, non-stop, all this time. Day and night. Every day"

It's obvious to me you said this not to be taken so literal but in a way to emphasize that he's steady watching your online activity like clockwork- you post he immediately views it.

But I could be wrong. Can you clarify what you mean.

Edited August 18, 2023 by SlimShadysWife

[basil67]

1 hour ago, SlimShadysWife said:

"I posted new pics, he did like them and some of my posts, but it's more in my IG stories where he's just THERE all the time, non-stop, all this time. Day and night. Every day"

It's obvious to me you said this not to be taken so literal but in a way to emphasize that he's steady watching your online activity like clockwork- you post he immediately views it.

But I could be wrong. Can you clarify what you mean.

I agree it's likely an exaggeration - hence me not seeing it as anything more than OP posting thirst traps and the guy following her.  No discussion, no reaching out, no flirting.  

Rather than being online all the time, I think it's likely he just uses notifications on some accounts and checks in when his phone dings.  But many others see it differently, so perhaps I'm wrong.   I have no idea why he'd put notifications on, but it makes more sense than watching for her posts all the time

[Alpacalia]

15 hours ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

I am NOT at all going to confront him. I have a lot of extremely important work stuff unfolding right now and the last thing I want/need is some stupid BS gossip making the rounds right now, no thank you.  The fact is, I've kept it so clean in terms of separating work and personal life - I don't mess around with men I've worked for a number of years for a reason. You don't want a reputation. 

My thinking is this.  I will post saying I have a new project (I do) and I have to dedicate time to it, so I'm 'taking a social media break' shut down IG and then 'restrict' him on FB so I'm essentially 'blocking' him without overtly blocking him - if that makes any sense. 

Sounds like you have figured out a good way to handle it.

I understand that it can be difficult when you like someone. 

Looking ahead, should you encounter a similar situation again, it could be worth exploring the option of using less daring photos. Additionally, taking a brief hiatus from monitoring reactions to your stories might prove advantageous if the responses appear perplexing. Just a friendly suggestion!

It's hard to explain why he would be in a committed relationship and still feeling the need to do this. If this was a single guy, this behavior involves putting forth very little effort. So even if he hasn't reached out to you, the frequency with which he views your stories won't make much of a difference. It may seem tempting to post stories to check if your crush has seen them, yet when you look at the bigger picture, it really means nothing.

Edited August 18, 2023 by Alpacalia

[justwhoiam]

On 8/17/2023 at 12:20 PM, CuriousGirl77 said:

it's more in my IG stories where he's just THERE all the time, non-stop, all this time. Day and night. Every day. 
But I just don't understand why he's doing this

1. How do you know he's in your ig stories all the time 24/7? It's like the pot calling the kettle black. If that were the case, it'd be because you're posting 24/7. So if it's ok for you to be online, it's ok for him too.

2. He's not interacting with you, he's just liking your pictures. You're literally complaining because he's liking all of your pictures and he's liking them as soon as you've posted them. It's obvious that you both have lots of time to spend online.

3. Let's talk about the elephant in the room. You're not bothered by him liking your pictures. You're bothered because he's not initiating conversation with you. You should be happy he's liking your stuff without a further purpose, but you're not. You want more out of it.

4. You can of course block him if he's bothering you so much by liking your pictures. But you also have another option: ignoring him. Stop liking his pictures back.

[Wiseman2]

On 8/17/2023 at 6:20 AM, CuriousGirl77 said:

I posted some pics in a few tight dresses that really showed off my figure. I then connected with him on IG 

It seems like you achieved the attention you hoped for but since he's married it's disappointing it didn't lead to anything more than social media following. That's ok. Perhaps use pics on  quality dating apps for better results.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, justwhoiam said:

3. Let's talk about the elephant in the room. You're not bothered by him liking your pictures. You're bothered because he's not initiating conversation with you. You should be happy he's liking your stuff without a further purpose, but you're not. You want more out of it.

Yes she does as indicated below, but as the thread progressed she tried to back track.

On 8/17/2023 at 7:03 AM, CuriousGirl77 said:

Yes, I do like him.

Yes, I like his attention and I'd say I wanted more of it. 

 I want this to stop but I will feel bad when I do it. 

 

On 8/17/2023 at 7:21 AM, CuriousGirl77 said:

, so yes, now I do like him but it is what it is. 

She likes his attention very much.

13 hours ago, glows said:

I guess I’m confused about the announcement. Do you feel there are close friends and family who would worry about you not posting for a few weeks? Why not just… stop? 

I too am confused why you have to make up a lie to stop a complete stranger from viewing your social media.  Why not just block him and be done with it?  Why do you care what he thinks your reason is for not being on social media?

[CuriousGirl77]

23 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Yes she does as indicated below, but as the thread progressed she tried to back track.

 

She likes his attention very much.

I too am confused why you have to make up a lie to stop a complete stranger from viewing your social media.  Why not just block him and be done with it?  Why do you care what he thinks your reason is for not being on social media?

He's not a complete stranger - if you read the initial post, it's all in there but I did what needed to be done yesterday. Given that, nothing else to discuss from here. 

[CuriousGirl77]

6 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Sounds like you have figured out a good way to handle it.

I understand that it can be difficult when you like someone. 

Looking ahead, should you encounter a similar situation again, it could be worth exploring the option of using less daring photos. Additionally, taking a brief hiatus from monitoring reactions to your stories might prove advantageous if the responses appear perplexing. Just a friendly suggestion!

It's hard to explain why he would be in a committed relationship and still feeling the need to do this. If this was a single guy, this behavior involves putting forth very little effort. So even if he hasn't reached out to you, the frequency with which he views your stories won't make much of a difference. It may seem tempting to post stories to check if your crush has seen them, yet when you look at the bigger picture, it really means nothing.

Yes, I took care of it yesterday. Thank you again for understanding and helping me out here, very much appreciated.  I'm totally staying away from social media for a minute to focus on work. None of my photos were actually daring at all but if they're going to be perceived as such, I thought about it and last night and I took those photos down already.  

[Alpacalia]

18 minutes ago, CuriousGirl77 said:

Yes, I took care of it yesterday. Thank you again for understanding and helping me out here, very much appreciated.  I'm totally staying away from social media for a minute to focus on work. None of my photos were actually daring at all but if they're going to be perceived as such, I thought about it and last night and I took those photos down already.  

You're welcome.

I want to emphasize that I'm not criticizing your desire to capture his attention by sharing photos on your social media. However, I strongly encourage you to do so for the right reasons.

You want to attract his interest for all the right reasons – not solely based on your appearance or what you can offer him. If he isn't interested in getting to know you for who you are, then you should reevaluate if he is the right man for you. If your goal is to date, take steps to actually get to know him, and not just post pictures.

If a man isn't interested in you, then all of that is a moot point.

Not him of course, since you now know that he is married.

Edited August 18, 2023 by Alpacalia

[ShyViolet]

On 8/17/2023 at 7:21 AM, CuriousGirl77 said:

 I think it's super sneaky of him to know how to send signals while he's married and covering his tracks, lol. Once a cheater always a cheater lol

"Cheater"?  Where are you even getting "cheater" from?  You are really reaching.  He is not sending you "signals" and there is nothing here to make the wild assumption that he has intentions of being a "cheater" or anything of the sort.

You are complaining because the guy is simply following you on instagram, liking your posts and viewing all your stories.  If you don't like the attention then why are you posting it in the first place?  He is using instagram in a normal way, viewing someone's stories.  You are reading way into this.

On 8/17/2023 at 6:20 AM, CuriousGirl77 said:

While I'm not creeped out by his behavior (because it is sort of stalker-ish)

His behavior is not "stalker-ish."  He is simply viewing the stuff that YOU are posting on instagram.  That's what you are supposed to do on instagram.  You are a little too obsessed over this.

[Samantha11]

I don't know what he is thinking, but since he is married and you do like his attention towards your more "sexy" pictures, I think it is a good idea to stop (which it sounds like you have?) It is clear you like him, and he is married, so before you let yourself like his attention anymore, it is best to just stay away from him. You are doing yourself a favor, regardless of what he has or does not have in mind.