Scotty Riggs Posted August 19, 2023 Share Posted August 19, 2023 (edited) An ex of mine from a six-month relationship had one of her best friends die in a car accident last week. I planned to send her a condolence card. However, I ran into her last night at a public event I was involved in planning. We had a really good, long talk with laughs, and she shared some photos with me. She also mentioned how her friend's death has made it hard to get out of the house, and we talked about her friend a bit. She was alone at the event and told me another friend of hers no-showed on her, so I'd say the laughs we shared were good for her. I had already started painting a simple condolence card to mail her, tailored to a common theme between her and her deceased friend, but now I wonder if it's redundant. We're both artists, and I love the meaning behind the card's message. Is it still worth mailing? I'd probably add a small sticky note saying I was already working on it when we ran into each other. I expect no response and have no intentions but to offer her some comfort. Edited August 19, 2023 by Scotty Riggs Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 19, 2023 Share Posted August 19, 2023 Sorry to hear about your ex losing her best friend. I think your heart is in the right place. You both sound like you're on good terms. It's a thoughtful gesture. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2023 Share Posted August 20, 2023 I think it's fine to mail it, yes. It's meaningul and I believe she will appreciate it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted August 21, 2023 Share Posted August 21, 2023 Yes, mail it but don't worry about the extra sticky note. It's a lovely gesture as it is 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 21, 2023 Share Posted August 21, 2023 (edited) Do you have codependent or rescuer tendencies? If so, then only create and send the card if you are sure you are not trying to win brownie points from her but simply want to send her some creative kindness. If you do create something, do it fast and don't go all perfectionist and spend all kinds of time and energy on this project. And of course, it's not your job to fill in for a friend who no-showed at a gathering. Your ex has to do her own healing. You can't really help much. And you were kind to her when you saw her in person--that's quite a lot! Edited August 21, 2023 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted August 30, 2023 Share Posted August 30, 2023 It's fine to send the card if you wish, chances are she may not acknowledge it but it's what it is. Many years ago I had a falling out with two women friends. Long story short I walked away and never spoke a word to either of them again. Years later I heard that one had gotten divorced from her husband (they had been together since high school - 7 years married 18 years together). In the MySpace days I reached out to her and said I was sorry to hear about her and her husband. She responded and said she always felt bad about what happened between me, her and the other. I told her I forgave her. The other? I could care less about, I can't stay far enough away from her. Send it, it's what it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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