Unknown4 Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 One day my boss told me what a wonderful person I was and how beautiful I was. He told me all this time he had thought so highly of me was very attracted to me and just kept going on and on. At first I was shocked and I didn't know what to think. But then a month later we one thing led to another and I willingly had an affair with this man..my boss. To make matters worse he was married in a middle of a separation and they had kust worked things out. Our affair went on to last for a year. We shared everything together, everything we possibly could. We told eachother our secrets, went on trips together, met parts of his family, we even told eachother "I Love You". And we had been talking about actually being together. People were already noticing at work, rumors were spreading quickly and I was getting tired of sneaking around and I was in love with him and wanted to be with him. He didnt want to lose me but he had two boys and he had time making the decision to leave his marriage. And then one day they had a fight and he left ...so I thought. They separated once again and he was practically living with me and he was still my boss at work. I loved my job that was the only thing that mattered to me besides him and I was proud of my position and what I had accomplished. (I was already in my position before the affair started) So we started planning things out. This was a big thing so we had to have all our ducks in a row. So we started looking for places to live, we talked about starting a family, and then he asked me to start looking for another job. So I started looking and keep in mind he still had not filed for divorce. So four months pass by and I find another job, not nearly as great as what I had at the time but I was in love and it was just something to take just so he wouldn't get fired because afterall he had two kids to feed. When I gave my resignation I thought there was no turning back. Two months later he left me, said he couldn't do it and went back to his wife. I was so hurt and very angry. I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach and knocked all the wind out of me. To make an already long story short three months have passed and I am unhappy with my job, struggling to make ends meet and brokenhearted. I have lost everything except my family. His wife found out and kept him and worked things out with him, he bought her a new mercedes benz, and work is just going great for him. What do I do from here, what can I do? It is so unfair. I feel manipulated and I lost my job,money and self- respect. What can I do, where do I go from here? To be honest, I want my job back. Yes, I hate the fact that everything is just great for him but I believe what goes around comes around. And I don't honestly believe he has this great happy go lucky marriage again. But I guess I don't really want revenge I just want my job back. People have suggested I take my case to a lawyer, stating maybe the company is still liable since he was my direct boss. I don;t think I want to do that I'm just upset over everything. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 First they are not liable for anything. Besides even if they have a policy (quite different than law) of intercompany dating, he will just say that THAT is the reason he suggested you get another job. It is a sad place for you to be, but I am not sure how you can exact revenge on this guy. Can you re-apply to the company--in a different department so you will not have day to day contact with him. FWIW, I do not think it was intentional that he left you. If you have never been married, and if you don't have kids, you probably will not know what the emotions he is going through are. Move on, find a single BF that loves and respects you and then get a fantastic job. Living good is the best revenge! Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Hmmm, I agree. I dunno if it's a case of you analyzing things too much. I mean, he left you 2 months after you found the new job. If it was premeditated, wouldn't he have left you sooner? I understand you're bitter, but did you think things might not be what they seem? Revenge is never good. It drains you because of all the effort you have to summon to hate a person. Hard as it may seem, you gotta let it go. Sometimes things work out in such a way that, down the road, you realize that what you felt was 'unfair' then was actually a blessing in disguise. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 I'm not sure what going to a lawyer will do. he asked me to start looking for another job. So I started looking and ... four months pass by and I find another job You were coerced. You weren't forced to resign. You chose to resign. If he told you that if you didn't quit, he would fire you - it might be different, but as it is you simply agreed to his suggestion. Have you talked to HR of your old company and asked what it would take to get your job back? I imagine if exMM bars you from getting a job that you are qualified to do, there could be some legal problems. I'm not sure though - what are the fraternizing policies of that company? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unknown4 Posted November 10, 2005 Author Share Posted November 10, 2005 All of you make good points. I guess I am just mad at myself and how I could let this go so far and everything I gave up. It was completely against company policies for us to date; I reported directly to him. Most days I feel ok with letting it go, but for some reason I have been thinking about it lately and it makes me so angry. It had gotten so bad that HR came down and actually did an investigation on him and each of his direct employees were asked questions privately about us but nothing ever came out of it . They never found any solid proof. But I also think that they did not look so hard because the investigation occurred 3 wks after I resigned. Turns out people had already been calling HR as much as 6 months prior to the investigation. One other thing I wanted to mention the day he told me he couldn't do it anymore the very next day I called his wife and told her everything. I know it was an immature move but at the time I was so hurt and so,so angry. And she told me to let them be and that she trusted he wouldn't do this to her again and she was going to stick with her husband. I thought to myself like WTF! But I partly believe she didn't want to leave him and then him turn around and run back to me. I don't know, I think about how there marriage and I wonder if they truly are happy. We have some mutual friends and what I hear from them is that "he can't even piss without her knowing where he's at" So who knows. They had major problems before I came into the picture anyways. I know I need to let it go, it's just hard. It has been 3 months since the "famous" break up. And I want to get to the day where I just can go through a day and not think about it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 I think you are just vindictive. You knew he was married you broke up and because you are sad you go and tell his wife. Now he can't piss without her watching (not that THAT is uncalled for but...) and now that is still not enough and you want to get him fired.? Good luck to you and the drama! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 I didn't realize that there had been a prolonged investigation. I'd say you are out of luck in terms of working there again. I doubt, even if they found no proof that they would chance having you back particularly if he is working there. It wouldn't hurt to get some legal advice, but honestly - the best thing to do is simply start looking around for a job that surpasses your current and previous one, even if it means starting over and moving to a new place. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 If I were in your shoes, I would look for a better job than the one you have and forget about trying to get your old job back. He's still there, probably not being treated any differently then he ever was. But if you somehow got your job back I think you would be met with hostility and prejudice. Your coworkers reported the two of you. It obviously bothered people enough to do that. And it was investigated. Those people were questioned. Do you think they'd welcome you back? The prejudice is usually more towards the woman in an affair - you would be held responsible for it more than he has been. Look at it as a costly lesson learned and determine to get yourself back to a comfortable position in life and work as you were before that mess. Link to post Share on other sites
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