parker24 Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 Myself (28M) and my girlfriend (26F) just started doing long distance a week ago. We’ve been together for about 6 months in person before she moved away for grad school. It is the most secure, healthy, and fulfilling relationship I have ever been in. I plan on moving to her city in 4 or 5 months from now so it will not be distance forever. This first week has been really good and we have been FaceTiming every night and catching up on our day to day lives. She’s going through a lot of change from starting school and moving to a new city, and I want to/am being as supportive as I possibly can be as she adjusts and meets new people. Over the last 24 hours, I have let some relationship anxiety and overthinking creep in. She has not shown me any reason to doubt her and us, instead she tells me and shows me she loves me and wants me. But this is my first LDR, and I still tend to overthink. How do I stop overthinking, let go of that negative energy, and just trust the really strong foundation we have built? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 (edited) 21 minutes ago, parker24 said: . I plan on moving to her city in 4 or 5 months from now so it will not be distance forever.She has not shown me any reason to doubt her and us, instead she tells me and shows me she loves me and wants me. Focus the conversation on when you're moving there and closing the gap. LDRs are difficult but you're doing the right things staying in touch. Do you have a place to live and a job lined up there? She's adjusting to a lot of changes so you may have to be confident and patient until you can relocate. Is this the same woman?: Edited August 28, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author parker24 Posted August 28, 2023 Author Share Posted August 28, 2023 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Focus the conversation on when you're moving there and closing the gap. LDRs are difficult but you're doing the right things staying in touch. Do you have a place to live and a job lined up there? She's adjusting to a lot of changes so you may have to be confident and patient until you can relocate. In terms of moving, I work remotely, so I can move there whenever. But am waiting until towards the end of my current lease which is 4-5 months from now. I know it will be difficult, but she is definitely worth it. I just don’t want to keep doubting things Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 (edited) Just take a moment to pause and refocus your energy. Remind yourself of all the positive experiences you’ve shared with this person and all the good that comes out of your relationship. Think about all the things you love about her and how the little things add up to something bigger. Try to give yourself the same reassurance that you would want in this situation and remind yourself that your future is still full of possibilities. Try not to bombard her with fears or insecurities and instead make sure to communicate in a positive way. Ask yourself: would this help the relationship or worry the person I care about? It can also be very helpful to practice relaxed breathing whenever feelings of anxiety start to creep in. A few deep breaths can help clear your head and make it easier to focus on the positive in your relationship. You only have 4-5 months to go. So, try your best to focus on that. Set some sort of timeline with your girlfriend to count down to that moment and remember why you are doing this. Edited August 29, 2023 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 What do you mean you’ll be moving in 4-5 months? Where are you moving into? Is it your own place or are you crashing with her? Have you informed your employer of your relocation plans, are you required to? What exactly are your plans? I ask to get a sense of your planning and stability and some understanding of your situation. She hesitated in the start claiming it was too “relationshipy” according to your previous thread linked by Wiseman - you didn’t answer his q if this is the same woman but the timeline seems to align. Id be very focussed on clarifying your living/relocation with your employer if required and seriously rethinking moving in with her as it’s still quite early. Don’t rush anything just to be in the same town and let her put in equal effort in showing you she cares and wants to be with you. Also start looking at your hobbies and interests (perhaps interest groups in the new city) and be a bit more rounded in your activities. Life is not just all about girlfriend/boyfriend. It’ll help you feel more grounded and invest in yourself and your own personal happiness/goals. Less anxious about a relationship working out or not. Regardless you are still you so continue your own personal growth. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 Also please ensure you have a plan B should things not work out in the new town/living situation or whatever you proceed on. You want the ability to backtrack or start fresh so budget for issues. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Is this the same woman?: OP, can you answer this? Is it the same woman? Link to post Share on other sites
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