do NEVER MARRIED men ever change their minds?

[Sam2020]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

But that was my point. A prenup cancels some of the legal aspects of marriage. If you don't have a prenup what he's building and what you're building during your marriage will be split. A prenup cancels that. 

I did not tell you to say the first ILY. I told you to use sweet names if it's something important to you. It doesn't matter who says sweetheart first. You've been dating 3 months, he's loving and generous, throw the man a sweet name here and there! It's OK! Especially you said he's generous!

Has he ever been in a long term relationship? If this man is 53 and went from short term relationship to short term, I doubt he will settle at all. 

Ok, for me at least, prenups is about what you own and what you want to keep should there be a divorce.  I would say that what he owns before, can stay that way and vice-versa.  What we may build together could be agreed as shared in some aspect.  But for me personally, a piece of paper that binds us legally, is more than just a piece of paper.  It's a legally binding "contract" or sorts, a promise that you will stay together.  It tells others that I am his (wife) and he is mine (husband).  In our heart and mind, we have made a legal commitment.  I feel that knowing there is a legality about it, one would make more of an effort to stay and work at the relationship.  Plus, I'm a great catch!  😁😉 

[Sam2020]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

This is why we date...to find out if they fit your expectations/goals/plans. Marriage is important to you, he's saying no. End it. Don't be one of those who sits on their hands in hopes they will change their mind. You are in your 60's, you don't have that time to wait and see.

That's correct!

So we'll see what the future holds

[Sam2020]

5 hours ago, Els said:

If they were 23? Probably. 33? Maybe. 53??? Not a chance in hell.

That being said, I'm a bit concerned that you might be making more out of this dating situation than it actually is. At 3 months together you're not even halfway through the honeymoon phase, the "best behaviour" phase of dating. You're not living together and not even in what most people would consider a long-term relationship yet. Why do you describe your relationship as "beyond dating", and why are you so certain you want to marry him? You barely know him! Sleeping over at each others' house and meeting each others' friends are very normal dating activities.

Just slow your roll IMO, and see how things go. The vast majority of 3-month dating relationships don't end in marriage... and that's okay. It's all part of the experience, of learning about yourself and the other person.

Nah...I'm just asking to get input.  

Always curious what others think.

It's way the heck too early.  Like I said, just curious.

I explained what MY meaning was "beyond dating".  Dating several people. Nope, we are exclusively dating.  

Perhaps I mis used that, I meant that we are in an exclusive relationship and moving forward.

Yep, too early to know.  Just curious, curious, curious...

[Sam2020]

47 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like he mentioned this upfront in order to not lead you on or get your hopes up. After dating just 12 weeks it's an interesting disclaimer. At 53 it seems he could have married at any point in his life, but chose not to, perhaps to protect his assets, perhaps he just doesn't want to be tied down.

I specifically asked him on the first date why he has not married.  

Very highly possible and makes the most sense that someone that age would prefer to stay single.  

But again...it's too early to know if we are the "right fit" for one another.  

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Sam2020 said:

I specifically asked him on the first date why he has not married.

At the risk of repeating mysrlf....was he in a long term relationship once? Was he capable of a long term commitment before?  

[Wiseman2]

33 minutes ago, Sam2020 said:

I specifically asked him on the first date why he has not married.  

It's good you asked. Because he already gave you an honest straight forward answer so while it's fun for your friends to speculate, you already know what he told you. Try to believe him.

[semble]

1 hour ago, Sam2020 said:

Ok, for me at least, prenups is about what you own and what you want to keep should there be a divorce.  I would say that what he owns before, can stay that way and vice-versa.  What we may build together could be agreed as shared in some aspect.  But for me personally, a piece of paper that binds us legally, is more than just a piece of paper.  It's a legally binding "contract" or sorts, a promise that you will stay together.  It tells others that I am his (wife) and he is mine (husband).  In our heart and mind, we have made a legal commitment.  I feel that knowing there is a legality about it, one would make more of an effort to stay and work at the relationship.  Plus, I'm a great catch!  😁😉 

I'm in my 60s and having been through a long marriage and bad divorce I had no intention of ever marrying again. But because we are citizens of different countries, and moving to yet a third country where we need to establish residency, by getting married we will be citizens of our respective countries when we travel there, and can stay as long as we like and get the same benefits as the other. It also makes getting established in the new country much easier and less expensive for reasons that are too complex to state here.

We did a prenup- and it specifically states that any assets obtained during the marriage are subject to proportionate distribution based on the percentages contributed to any assets of value greater than a few thousand dollars (exact amounts are specified).

It also addresses support- there will not be any. 

I expect this to be my last relationship but I'm fully aware that most relationships do not last forever, I don't believe in the institution of marriage just because it's supposed to be a higher level of commitment- but in my case it will serve to be a valuable tool going forward with our international travel plans.

I can't think of any other reason to get married that makes sense.

 

[Sony12]

Many men at that age who have never been married are infact married. They are married to their independence. If you have only been dating him for three months it is far too early to wonder if he would marry you or not. Chances are at this point he is still enjoying the regular sex you bring him.

[Alpacalia]

21 hours ago, Sam2020 said:

I'm not sure.  It's just me looking into future possibilities.

I'm curious as to the why's and how's of these types of things.

Having been with the same man for over 20 years, this dating thing is still a bit of a learning experience for me.  Especially since this man is the first real interest I've had in the past 7-8 years. 

 I can be a bit neurotic about things and I like to have input to balance out my thoughts.  

 

I get it, you're excited. Just don't be so sure you want to marry him just because you like him. Take your time and enjoy your newfound freedom! You know nothing about him, really, and he hasn't really had a chance to get to know you either nor has he qualified himself for your approval yet either for something as  important as marriage.  You just need more info, time and patience to work out the details.  

Also, be sure to mention to him you're a little cautious in being involved in a relationship right now and what you'd like to know about him - that way he has some sort of idea of what you're looking for.  Even if you feel the connection, remember, it's early days still so take your time and don't be too dramatic.

Will he change his mind? Nobody can answer that for you. It's entirely up to you to observe how he behaves in and out of the relationship and assess him based on how he making you feel and how he operates on the relationship. Just because someone has had one experience in the past doesn't mean their call on marriage will stay the same forever. But you should take into consideration that if he opts to stay single it is his choice and you should respect it and believe that he knows himself better than anyone else knows him.

[Els]

21 hours ago, Sam2020 said:

Ok, for me at least, prenups is about what you own and what you want to keep should there be a divorce.  I would say that what he owns before, can stay that way and vice-versa.  What we may build together could be agreed as shared in some aspect.  But for me personally, a piece of paper that binds us legally, is more than just a piece of paper.  It's a legally binding "contract" or sorts, a promise that you will stay together.  It tells others that I am his (wife) and he is mine (husband).  In our heart and mind, we have made a legal commitment.  I feel that knowing there is a legality about it, one would make more of an effort to stay and work at the relationship.  Plus, I'm a great catch!  😁😉 

The legal ramifications of marriage (and pre-nups) depend entirely on the jurisdiction at hand. In general, it's true that pre-nups are generally used to protect assets that each person owned BEFORE getting married. This is why in some countries, pre-nups are rarely utilized, since these countries already have inherent protections for non-marital assets (i.e. assets that were not obtained during the marriage). And also in some countries (which can, but don't always overlap with the above), pre-nups can't legally abolish certain liabilities - so their scope is limited. AND to add to that, some countries consider common-law or de-facto relationships to be the equivalent of marriage, so if someone is living together with their partner for 10 years thinking that there will be no legal ramifications, they'll be in for a nasty surprise if a breakup happens....

IMO, it's totally fine that you want marriage and a pre-nup (as long as you've researched the legalities). However, he's stated that it won't happen with him. So either you just enjoy dating him and cross the bridge when you come to it... or you leave now. There's no right or wrong answer.

[ShyViolet]

On 8/29/2023 at 12:48 AM, Sam2020 said:

In my world, just dating is nothing beyond first base.  So we are exclusive, slept at each others place and met people in each others circle.  

 

This is just semantics now.  To most people, this is exactly what "dating" is.

You are getting way ahead of yourself at only 3 months.  At 3 months, you shouldn't be thinking about marriage.  At 3 months, you don't know him well enough to know if you would want to marry him.  And it definitely would be way too soon to bring up the topic of marriage.

[Gaeta]

Seems to me, when someone is focused on marriage this early it is because the status of being married is more important than who they're getting married to.

[Sam2020]

23 hours ago, Gaeta said:

At the risk of repeating mysrlf....was he in a long term relationship once? Was he capable of a long term commitment before?  

I think it was 5 years

[Sam2020]

23 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's good you asked. Because he already gave you an honest straight forward answer so while it's fun for your friends to speculate, you already know what he told you. Try to believe him.

I actually believe that he will remain unmarried.  That said, I still enjoy his company and will stick around until I don't, or he doesn't.  I'm happy for now and I suppose that's better than having no one to cuddle with, lol.

[Sam2020]

7 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Many men at that age who have never been married are infact married. They are married to their independence. If you have only been dating him for three months it is far too early to wonder if he would marry you or not. Chances are at this point he is still enjoying the regular sex you bring him.

That's what I stated earlier...it's to early.

Mine was just my curiosity if people do change their minds.

I have no idea if I'll even fall in love.

[Sam2020]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

This is just semantics now.  To most people, this is exactly what "dating" is.

You are getting way ahead of yourself at only 3 months.  At 3 months, you shouldn't be thinking about marriage.  At 3 months, you don't know him well enough to know if you would want to marry him.  And it definitely would be way too soon to bring up the topic of marriage.

I'm not thinking or marrying HIM.  

I'm simply wondering if people like him do change their minds

I'm not even in love at this point and not sure if I will be.  Or him for that matter.  

[Sam2020]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Seems to me, when someone is focused on marriage this early it is because the status of being married is more important than who they're getting married to.

I'm just curious folks!

Not planning, just wondering.

I may not even fall in love with him.  

It could end before the year it up...who knows.

 

Not directed just to you Gaeta:

I think if I ever have another question, I'll have to clarify "I'M JUST CURIOUS, I'M NOT PLANNING MY FUTURE". 😅

There's a lot of assumptions from so many.  Sorry folks

[Gaeta]

@Sam2020: We like a good subject to bite our teeth in 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Sam2020 said:

I actually believe that he will remain unmarried.   I suppose that's better than having no one to cuddle with.

That's excellent. Take it for what it's worth and make the best of it.

[heavenonearth]

I dated a guy once for 1,5 years and we broke up. He quickly got with another girl and they were together for 8 years. I heard through a mutual friend that he didnt want to marry her and she really wanted marriage and kids. Well, they broke up and he met someone else whom he married 2 years later. I guess some people just wait for the right person.
Then again, some people just don't like the idea of marriage and that is perfectly fine (like me).

[Alvi]

Who knows? People change their minds all the time. Maybe one day if he meets the "one" he may start thinking about the marriage. Or I wonder how many marriages happen just because a gal ends up pregnant? Do you think he wants to have kids someday? I've seen it quite a lot on dating sites when a guy in his 50th or even 60th(I am not making this one up) want to have kids. Many of these men have never been married and are looking for a younger woman to get married and have kids with for the first time. It's like one day they wake up and realize that they want to leave a legacy behind. These guys have never been married before but all of the sudden are in a rush to find someone to have kids with. I I can see it happening with your guy. He is a successful businessman so I guess he is not going to have much difficulty meeting younger women and marrying one of them. Sure, this ship has sailed for you but not for him I would say. Don't be surprised if he says that he doesn't want kids and never want to have kids in the future but changes his mind one day.  Something for you  to keep in mind.

.

[Lauriebell82]

My boyfriend probably falls in this category even though he actually has been married and divorced. He's 50 years old but his ex wife gave him an ultimatum to get married and he wasn't wild about the idea. He's never really been a married minded person with any of his long term relationships EVER. He said I'm the first person he's been with where he's ever actually thought about it. But's he's still scared. We've been together 6 years and he still gets periodically freaked out. So yes, men who have never been marriage minded CAN change their minds if they meet the right person but it may take time and you may have to have patience. Because here I am 6 years later. My boyfriend has said he would need a good 7 years to consider marriage because of his thought process. That's his timeline. I'm okay with it! Mostly because I've also been through a bad divorce and marriage so I'm in no rush. If patience isnt in your wheelhouse you may have to reconsider if this is the right person for you. Food for thought.