Talking stage

[stillafool]

8 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Inevitably one of the people has grown tired of "all day every day" chatter.   

How can one not be?  It gives the impression that one doesn't have a life.

[Roxanne200]

11 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I've observed that most people here who post with concern about being "left on read" have been texting "all day every day" for a period and now that period is over.  Inevitably one of the people has grown tired of "all day every day" chatter.   

It doesn't mean they are tired of you.  You might still go on a date.  But as usual, I advise against getting into that kind of texting banter pattern in the first place.  It usually ends up with somebody feeling rejected.

I waited and he texted me again saying this week he’s been super busy but is eager to meet next week.I really feel he likes me.I guess  I just know well how to overthink things😅

[ExpatInItaly]

Good that you heard from him. 

Go into this meet-up remembering that you haven't seen each other for a long time and a lot could have changed. In other words, keep your expectations in check. You need to see for yourself if he is someone you would like explore with. 

[Gaeta]

7 hours ago, Roxanne200 said:

I waited and he texted me again saying this week he’s been super busy but is eager to meet next week.I really feel he likes me.I guess  I just know well how to overthink things😅

Why do you feel he likes you? 

He took 48 hours to reply, he's not making time to meet you over the weekend, he's throwing up in the air to meet next week but no time and place are set.

This guy is giving you the bare minimum.

[NuevoYorko]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Why do you feel he likes you? 

He took 48 hours to reply, he's not making time to meet you over the weekend, he's throwing up in the air to meet next week but no time and place are set.

This guy is giving you the bare minimum.

I agree that this does not look particularly promising.  

Why is "The Talking Stage" even a generally accepted thing?  I guess it's because of OLD and how so many people get super involved on it without actually meeting each other.  The whole thing is played out in a "Talking Stage" without getting face to face.   

I know this comes off as rigid but I strongly believe that if a person is definitely looking for a real-life, in person relationship, they need to feel interested enough to meet each other quite soon and then conduct "The Talking Stage" via dating.  

After getting to know each other by dating, THEN comes the "make it official" stage. 

Old school?  Maybe.  But how may times have we seen threads about people who text and chat online for a heck of a long time and then go on to have a wonderful relationship?

I know of ONE, and even that was not the texting marathon paradigm.  These people met on an dating app, lived in the same area, but the guy was traveling for work almost nonstop for months during the time they made their initial connection.  After a period of "checking in," flirting a little and sharing basic info via messaging through the app - maybe 2 weeks - they both had established that they were seriously interested in each other.  They started talking on the phone and made a date for the first weekend the man would be home, and it all developed beautifully from there.  Now they've been married for 11 years.

[Gaeta]

Time changes yes but human behavior don't change that fast. Men are still visual creatures and want to *see* women asap when they're interested. They want to confirm there is an attraction, then they will go in *l will do my best to win you over* mode. 

He's busy? That has never stopped a man from pursing me properly. I would even say that, to a man that's really interested in a woman, he'll be proud to show you how he can overcome that for you.

 

[Roxanne200]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Time changes yes but human behavior don't change that fast. Men are still visual creatures and want to *see* women asap when they're interested. They want to confirm there is an attraction, then they will go in *l will do my best to win you over* mode. 

He's busy? That has never stopped a man from pursing me properly. I would even say that, to a man that's really interested in a woman, he'll be proud to show you how he can overcome that for you.

 

He told me has a business of his own and this week he had to drive a lot from city to city.I am not desperate,I try to understand him and the fact that maybe he really was busy.I guess when we’ll go on a date I’ll see from the way he behaves if he really likes me.For now I can just guess he does.

[Roxanne200]

32 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

I agree that this does not look particularly promising.  

Why is "The Talking Stage" even a generally accepted thing?  I guess it's because of OLD and how so many people get super involved on it without actually meeting each other.  The whole thing is played out in a "Talking Stage" without getting face to face.   

I know this comes off as rigid but I strongly believe that if a person is definitely looking for a real-life, in person relationship, they need to feel interested enough to meet each other quite soon and then conduct "The Talking Stage" via dating.  

After getting to know each other by dating, THEN comes the "make it official" stage. 

Old school?  Maybe.  But how may times have we seen threads about people who text and chat online for a heck of a long time and then go on to have a wonderful relationship?

I know of ONE, and even that was not the texting marathon paradigm.  These people met on an dating app, lived in the same area, but the guy was traveling for work almost nonstop for months during the time they made their initial connection.  After a period of "checking in," flirting a little and sharing basic info via messaging through the app - maybe 2 weeks - they both had established that they were seriously interested in each other.  They started talking on the phone and made a date for the first weekend the man would be home, and it all developed beautifully from there.  Now they've been married for 11 years.

That’s what I’m hoping as a possible scenario for me.I guess I’ll see.

[Alpacalia]

39 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

I know of ONE, and even that was not the texting marathon paradigm.  These people met on an dating app, lived in the same area, but the guy was traveling for work almost nonstop for months during the time they made their initial connection.  After a period of "checking in," flirting a little and sharing basic info via messaging through the app - maybe 2 weeks - they both had established that they were seriously interested in each other.  They started talking on the phone and made a date for the first weekend the man would be home, and it all developed beautifully from there.  Now they've been married for 11 years.

I too know of a couple that began this way and eventually got married.

However, you're still in the early stages of getting to know this man, so that's not something you need to worry about it at this point. After four days of chatting, it appears that the conversation has tapered off for a couple of days. It seems that his level of interest may not be as high as yours at this point. Have you both established a concrete date for any plans, or is it more of a casual mention for now?

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, Roxanne200 said:

when we’ll go on a date I’ll see from the way he behaves if he really likes me.For now I can just guess he does.

He's already showing you his level of interest and it's not very high. You should never *guess* someone likes you, this is something you need tangible proof like regular contact and a specific plan to meet. You are letting your imagination run here.

You are already excusing his luckywarm interest by saying but he's busy. 

Honestly you sound desperate to me because you are super excited over a man that shows you little interest. 

[Roxanne200]

14 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I too know of a couple that began this way and eventually got married.

However, you're still in the early stages of getting to know this man, so that's not something you need to worry about it at this point. After four days of chatting, it appears that the conversation has tapered off for a couple of days. It seems that his level of interest may not be as high as yours at this point. Have you both established a concrete date for any plans, or is it more of a casual mention for now?

It’s a casual mention but I am sure he will keep his promise.

[Roxanne200]

17 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He's already showing you his level of interest and it's not very high. You should never *guess* someone likes you, this is something you need tangible proof like regular contact and a specific plan to meet. You are letting your imagination run here.

You are already excusing his luckywarm interest by saying but he's busy. 

Honestly you sound desperate to me because you are super excited over a man that shows you little interest. 

He said he is busy and I choose to believe him because as of now we don’t know each other that well so why should I be sceptical?He texted me everyday,I think that’s a pretty good sign he is interested.I am not desperate,I just choose to believe his words until he proves me otherwise.

Edited September 1, 2023 by Roxanne200

[Roxanne200]

On 8/30/2023 at 10:47 PM, JTSW said:

Did you think for a minute that he could be in work and that's why he hasn't text for a few hours?

eventually he told me that he was at work

[Alpacalia]

You don't choose to believe someone's words that you don't even know. Even if he is texting you every day, that doesn't necessarily mean he is interested. It's best to remain rational and be aware of potential signs that could give away his true intentions. If he starts to act differently or not in line with his initial words, then that's a sign to think twice. It's great to be optimistic, but always make sure you stay grounded in reality.

 

[Roxanne200]

20 hours ago, stillafool said:

How can one not be?  It gives the impression that one doesn't have a life.

exactly! I myself am not on the phone all the time.

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, Roxanne200 said:

He said he is busy and I choose to believe him because as of now we don’t know each other that well so why should I be sceptical?He texted me everyday,I think that’s a pretty good sign he is interested.I am not desperate,I just choose to believe his words until he proves me otherwise.

You should be skeptical because you don't know each other that well....

 

[Alpacalia]

20 minutes ago, Roxanne200 said:

It’s a casual mention but I am sure he will keep his promise.

It looks like your enthusiasm may be driving you to text him daily. It's perfectly normal for him to want some space to concentrate on other things, just like you do. When plans are loose, it might indicate that dating you isn't his top priority at the moment. It's crucial not to pause your life for someone you've just met, thinking they could be "the one."

Men know exactly what to do if they want to see you.

Edited September 1, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

On 8/30/2023 at 5:22 AM, Roxanne200 said:

 9 yrs later he texted me saying he would like to meet up for coffee.

It's perfectly fine to wade back into this situation one step at a time.  Take your time even if you're excited  and curious about getting together.

Just a thought. Whenever an ex contacts you, it's for their own reasons. Often they are on/off with someone, just broke up with someone, are in-between relationships, want sex or attention and backtracking through the black book. 

So wait and see what's up. Wade in new waters slowly, especially when they seem familiar, but really aren't. Think of calm waters and rip tides.

Edited September 1, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Gaeta]

A man that owns his company is busy yes BUT it also comes with a lot of flexibility, he can easily pick a date to meet you but he's not. 

[stillafool]

19 minutes ago, Roxanne200 said:

exactly! I myself am not on the phone all the time.

Well then stop getting upset because he left you on read for hours.  He's got things to do.

[Roxanne200]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's perfectly fine to wade back into this situation one step at a time.  Take your time even if you're excited  and curious about getting together.

Just a thought. Whenever an ex contacts you, it's for their own reasons. Often they are on/off with someone, just broke up with someone, are in-between relationships, want sex or attention and backtracking through the black book. 

So wait and see what's up. Wade in new waters slowly, especially when they seem familiar, but really aren't. Think of calm waters and rip tides.

He isn’t an “ex”.We were classmates in 9th grade,we were a couple of kids back then,he had a crush on me and that’s about it😊

[Gaeta]

9 hours ago, Roxanne200 said:

I waited and he texted me again 

He left you on read on Tuesday and he text you again today Friday?

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Roxanne200 said:

He isn’t an “ex”.We were classmates in 9th grade,we were a couple of kids back then,he had a crush on me and that’s about it😊

Ok Same advice . Change the wording to "old crush".

[Roxanne200]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He left you on read on Tuesday and he text you again today Friday?

Noo,He texted me on Wednesay

[Roxanne200]

Do you think that if someone texts you everyday before an established first date they are more interested as opposed to not texting that much?