heavenonearth Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 would it bother you if your partner was on a holiday with some friends and one of those friends was a girl you've never met before? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 6 minutes ago, heavenonearth said: would it bother you if your partner was on a holiday with some friends and one of those friends was a girl you've never met before? How long have you been together? Was the trip planned before you were together? How many people are on this trip and what is the composition as far as how many guys, if it's with their GFs or a random group of mixed single people? How long is the trip and what does it involve as far as accommodations? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 No, it wouldn't bother me. I trust my partner I would however get upset if there were other partners going and I wasn't invited. Why aren't you there/going with them? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been together? Was the trip planned before you were together? How many people are on this trip and what is the composition as far as how many guys, if it's with their GFs or a random group of mixed single people? How long is the trip and what does it involve as far as accommodations? we have been together over a year. the trip was planned for like a year. it is four people on the trip. my partner, his two best friends who are a couple, and another girl. i was invited but i couldnt go because i am recovering from surgery the girl who is also on the trip also has a partner who was supposed to go but couldn't because of work. i honestly don't know the accommodation. they rented an airbnb. and the trip is 1 week. 7 minutes ago, basil67 said: No, it wouldn't bother me. I trust my partner I would however get upset if there were other partners going and I wasn't invited. Why aren't you there/going with them? i trust him too. i don't know why i feel jealous. i have never been jealous before in this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 If you trust your guy, that's what matters. As for feeling jealous, I don't think that's unusual. The trip consists of a couple plus your guy and another woman, so the optics lend themselves to people on the outside seeing 2 couples. It's great that some people never feel jealousy, but it's not a bad thing that others do unless it causes someone to act out or say something damaging to the relationship. Try to focus on your recovery and doing things (as you are able) that make you feel happy. He'll be home soon and the time apart will make you appreciate each other more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 Under your circumstances l would not be jealous. Your bf did want you to come along, the girl's bf was part of the plan originally until his work kept him from going. All this is pure coincidence. It's just human to feel some jealousy. What type of trip is it? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: Under your circumstances l would not be jealous. Your bf did want you to come along, the girl's bf was part of the plan originally until his work kept him from going. All this is pure coincidence. It's just human to feel some jealousy. What type of trip is it? it is a summer holiday at the beach and they are planning to go to a festival also. so i also feel envious. it is very rainy here. i guess also the fact that it looks like a couple trip when looking at the pictures.. he's so sweet wanting to have me partake in it somehow by sending photos and writing me all the time and yet i just feel jealousy . i feel bad about it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 Is the girl good looking? Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 Just now, stillafool said: Is the girl good looking? I DONT KNOW because I never met her! I don't even know what she looks like I just saw some blurry photos. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 11 minutes ago, heavenonearth said: he's so sweet wanting to have me partake in it somehow by sending photos and writing me all the time He's a good guy 😊 l'm sure he is very disappointed you could not go! You are recovering from a surgery so l imagine you are bored with too much time on your hands so your imagination is spinning. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 A year is still new and not knowing this woman is probably driving you mad with possibilities. All these paranoid thoughts like she’s a siren come up from the sea depths to snag your hot man. I get it. Try focusing on your relationship and not this woman or unknowns. You share trust and love? Focus on that. Have any trips planned together with him? Focus on that. And so on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 16 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He's a good guy 😊 l'm sure he is very disappointed you could not go! You are recovering from a surgery so l imagine you are bored with too much time on your hands so your imagination is spinning. Yeah, that is probably it. And I thought they were gonna be this big group going but then a bunch of people canceled and now they are just my boyfriend, a couple and another woman, it just is weird, I guess. To the people at their holiday spot it must look like two couples. And I guess that makes me envious. Sigh. So stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 Honestly, the only thing that would bother me is that I was missing out on a fun bike ride because I was healing from surgery. Wishing you a speedy recovery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 I'm a guy but not really. I mean guys don't go on boat trips openly with friends in order to have affairs. Now maybe he didn't reassure you enough before he left. I find that people really benefit when they are reassured even when they might say they don't need to be reassured. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Hope you are feeling better. Good luck with the surgery. Envious is more what's going on than jealousy. Who wouldn't rather be on vacation?. It seems like you have a good relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
IrinaM Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 imho but I wouldn't be at all okay with it. ime, things are usually exactly what they appear to be, and trying too hard to convince ourselves that "it's not what it looks like" can lead to negative consequences. It looks exactly like two couples going on vacation together. Because that's what it is. Why can't your boyfriend stay home and take care of you while you recover? Why is he prioritizing this vacation? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SurfCity Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 (edited) I wouldn't be ok with this at all especially not after a year together. I'd expect him to stay with me and help me out with the recovery especially since so many other people canceled. Living in an Air b&b together with one other couple and one woman would also freak me out, I'd feel better if he were in his own hotel room. Would you cancel a trip if your boyfriend was recovering from a surgery and only one couple and a man was going? Edited September 1, 2023 by SurfCity 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 I've been with my man for 20 years. It would bother me yeah but I trust him and he tells me and shows me all the time how much he loves me. I would hate it but would also also feel content to know he wouldn't do anything. It sounds like your man is crazy about you and you don't have anything to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 9 hours ago, IrinaM said: imho but I wouldn't be at all okay with it. ime, things are usually exactly what they appear to be, and trying too hard to convince ourselves that "it's not what it looks like" can lead to negative consequences. It looks exactly like two couples going on vacation together. Because that's what it is. Why can't your boyfriend stay home and take care of you while you recover? Why is he prioritizing this vacation? he works a lot and this is his only week this year where he has a holiday planned with his friends. the other two holidays were reserved for us two alone. i dont know why he cannot stay at home and take care of me while i recover. i never really considered that. i guess i can take care of myself? i wouldn't ask him to not go on a trip with his friends that has been planned for a year and that is his only trip this year with his friends. i would feel controlling if i did that and that is not in my nature. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 7 hours ago, SurfCity said: I wouldn't be ok with this at all especially not after a year together. I'd expect him to stay with me and help me out with the recovery especially since so many other people canceled. Living in an Air b&b together with one other couple and one woman would also freak me out, I'd feel better if he were in his own hotel room. Would you cancel a trip if your boyfriend was recovering from a surgery and only one couple and a man was going? i did not know so many canceled until the day of the trip starting. i dont think he knew either. it was the other couple who was planning the trip and my boyfriend just went along. i dont think i would cancel a trip, no. i love traveling. if my partner would ask me to cancel, i would question his love for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 3 hours ago, JTSW said: I've been with my man for 20 years. It would bother me yeah but I trust him and he tells me and shows me all the time how much he loves me. I would hate it but would also also feel content to know he wouldn't do anything. It sounds like your man is crazy about you and you don't have anything to worry about. ❤️ yes i dont think he would do anything, but still hate the feeling of jealousy or envy that i have. it makes me feel a bit icky. maybe i am just upset that i have these feelings, when i really shouldn't have them? also have too many bad experiences in the past with other relationships, so maybe that is where it comes from. sometimes feeling secure is just so scary. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 12 minutes ago, heavenonearth said: maybe i am just upset that i have these feelings, when i really shouldn't have them? The feelings you’re having are pretty normal all things considered. Prior to this trip were you secure in the relationship? How well do you know your boyfriend’s friends (the ones that organized the trip)? Link to post Share on other sites
SurfCity Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, heavenonearth said: i did not know so many canceled until the day of the trip starting. i dont think he knew either. it was the other couple who was planning the trip and my boyfriend just went along. Your boyfriend had to have known a large number of people were canceling because his portion of how much he would be expected to pay would've kept going up and up. Edited September 1, 2023 by SurfCity 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Did the two of you talk this through at depth before he went on the trip? Lots of people would not be comfortable with this situation, it doesn't make you out to be insecure or a jealous person. It should have been discussed thoroughly and both of you honestly comfortable with it - including the part where he's leaving for a trip when you are going to be having surgery. I'm curious why you didn't plan a vacation that would not conflict with your surgery dates, unless your surgery is an urgent situation. If the latter, that's a bit more strange that he would leave you on your own unless you were extremely encouraging that he should do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavenonearth Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 4 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: The feelings you’re having are pretty normal all things considered. Prior to this trip were you secure in the relationship? How well do you know your boyfriend’s friends (the ones that organized the trip)? yes i feel secure before the trip. the couple that organized the trip are friends of mine too. they are my partners best friends since high school and we often do things together, the four of us and their kid. Link to post Share on other sites
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