I'm gay but I think I might be into a girl.

[Mozzarella_Stick]

So I’m 21 and honestly I’m still figuring out who I am and what I want out of life everyday. Happiness and making others happy has always been my ambition, but the who, what, when, where, why and how are what I’m still figuring out. 
 

I’ve never had interest in a woman and I’ve never really thought any women would be interested in me. I’m one of those gays who gives it away just by appearance. Can’t really help it, it just is what it is.

For a few months this year I was a server at a restaurant. I have since quit and started serving at another restaurant, but at the prior one, I met this waitress who I’ll just call Sarah. 
 

Sarah is a year younger than me and is in schooling for a psychology degree. She’s extremely sharp, funny, and to me, she’s probably the most gorgeous woman to ever walk the planet. Can’t really explain it, she’s just… perfect looking. She’s insecure but I can’t understand why. 
 

We didn’t really have much to say to each other at first but one night we had a 3 hour long phone call, and it just kinda… clicked? It was like opening another layer to who she actually is, and since then, I’ve just been drawn to her, and we talk quite a bit. Ironically we talk about guys a lot. 
 

She also quit the restaurant we were working at together last Sunday and I went to see her on her last day as a way to wish her the best of luck per her invite. I tipped her $20 on a $25 check. Obviously $20 isn’t a lot of money, but I just wanted to see her smile. 
 

So, it didn’t click in my head until last night, but we were talking and she was telling me about some of the guys from the restaurant that’s she messed around with/wants to mess around with and I had this odd feeling of jealousy and inferiority. 
 

That’s when I realized, I think I might like her more than just a friend, and I don’t even know how to process this being gay. It’s the most confused feeling I’ve ever had in my entire life. 
 

I want to tell her how I feel but I’m afraid she‘ll laugh at me, and tell others, who will also laugh. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if this is just loneliness messing with my head as I don’t have a boyfriend nor see myself being able to get one with how mean guys are, but like… I want to tell her how I feel. 
 

Any advice? 
 

[basil67]

Sexuality is a spectrum.  Some are super straight, some are super gay and some are slippery-slidey in the middle.  So in this respect, your feelings aren't unusual.  I guess that before you action anything, you have to work out if this is a crush or something you want to explore further.  

May I ask, can you imagine yourself in bed with her, doing all the things?

 

[ExpatInItaly]

I agree wtih @basil67. Sexuality isn't always fixed, and can move in a different directions over one's lifetime. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for you present confusion, especially given how young you are. You're still figuring out who you are as an adult, and sexual preferences are part of that. GIve yourself some mental breathing space and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. 

Having said that, you may want to rethink pursuing something with this specific young lady, for the following reason:
 

49 minutes ago, Mozzarella_Stick said:

she was telling me about some of the guys from the restaurant that’s she messed around with/wants to mess around with

This is not someone with the best discretion or who is looking for something serious right now. It's one thing to enjoy encounters with several people. It's another to lack the maturity or good sense to understand why choosing all those people from your workplace isn't a great idea. I know she is leaving, but it says something about her state of mind and judgment. 

Understand that she is probably just out to have casual fun at this point. 

[JTSW]

I agree that it's probably not a good idea to pursue this girl.

She seems to have no problem making her way around all the male colleagues and hooking up with them.

It doesn't sound like she can be trusted to keep things private.

[SurfCity]

8 hours ago, Mozzarella_Stick said:

but we were talking and she was telling me about some of the guys from the restaurant that’s she messed around with/wants to mess around with and I had this odd feeling of jealousy and inferiority. 

Maybe the jealousy doesn't mean that you're attracted to her, maybe you were jealous and felt inferior because you wished that you had been the one who hooked up with those guys.

I don't think that you should question your sexuality over this, but your friendship with her should probably come to an end. It's not a great friendship if you're feeling jealous of her, feel inferior to her, and believe that she would laugh at you and tell everybody so that they could laugh. Look for friends that you can trust and who you don't feel jealous of and inferior to. 

[NuevoYorko]

If you decide to explore more aspects of your sexuality, be very sure that the person you are exploring with understands where you're coming from.