cynicalnlove Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Ok, if you're practicing NC with your ex and they're doing the same thing.. You want them to want you back. What is the best way to do so, without puncturing your pride? If your ex knows everything about you, is there a way that you could seduce them? Whats the time lapse should you practice NC with your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
downcydeguy Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 First of all, you're playing games. If the dumpER had a good reason for what they did, then maybe he/she has a right to make the dumpEE use something like this to get them back. I don't know though. I think that you should just be open and honest and skip the games. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Your ex is your ex for a reason. Move on, my friend, so that you can both get on with your lives, and leave the games to kids. Link to post Share on other sites
LilChicki Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Cynical... I can't say I "seduced" my ex..and we are not back together. Merely just talking again for the first time since June, and THAT'S progress...because this is a guy who said he did not want ANY contact ever again. Initially I respected his wishes...I NO Contacted him dilligently..no calls, IM's emails...NADA. The best "seduction" you can give an ex..is your respect. Show them you see things from their point of view, and you understand they are serious. Then I INTERMITTENTLY made contact. Once every 2-3 weeks. NEVER asking or discussing our break up or "US". I would send him something funny...usually smething he was NOT obligated to reply to. No one likes being obligated. I think he started seeing I was not hounding him and I had lightened up. I had worked extremely hard on my discipline. No Contact has been a godsend in this situation...that and this website. I feel lucky to be at least able to talk to him again, so I am trying to NOT screw this up again. I am dating someone else now, and that makes things a lot less intense, and on more of a friendship level. I am completely fine with that. Not to sound preachy..but loving someone is about what THEY want and need...not what YOU want. So if someone asks for space, time, a break...whatever..the best and classiest thing to do is give it to them. This is a very hard lesson for those like me who are impulsive or stubborn. The lesson and rewards are well worth it though... Hope that helps some. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 >this is a guy who said he did not want ANY contact ever again. Initially I respected his wishes...I NO Contacted him dilligently..no calls, IM's emails...NADA. ...I INTERMITTENTLY made contact. Once every 2-3 weeks. Wow...you sure respected his wishes. If you want him as a friend, then let him come to you. This is one-sided - you contacting him and bothering him when he asked you not to. Dont you see where you've wronged here? Perhaps you should consider practicing what you preach... Cynical, You are thinking up ways of manipulating your ex back. That is very unhealthy and unfair to their wishes. They asked to break up with you for a reason, you should seek out someone who you dont have to brainwash into being with you. They are out there, but its not your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
LilChicki Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Wow...you sure respected his wishes. If you want him as a friend, then let him come to you. This is one-sided - you contacting him and bothering him when he asked you not to. Dont you see where you've wronged here? Perhaps you should consider practicing what you preach... LOL..well whatever. I was not "bothering" him.....I was also NOT Link to post Share on other sites
LilChicki Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Wow...you sure respected his wishes. If you want him as a friend, then let him come to you. This is one-sided - you contacting him and bothering him when he asked you not to. Dont you see where you've wronged here? Perhaps you should consider practicing what you preach... LOL....whatever. Maybe you should not be so judgemental either. My way may not be your way.........and thats fine. I never "bothered" him...what makes you think he was bothered? Do you KNOW him? Initially YES....he was BOTHERED when we first broke up..but after the fact... (months later) he was fine. It;s amusing how there are so many assumptions and accusations based on a persons post. You said I was WRONG.....again..another accusation. If I was SO wrong ..why are we still in contact? I could sit here and tell you the ONLY reason your ex came back was because he has a penis the size of a french fry and no one else wanted him. Does that make it TRUE or right?? No...it does not. I would never do that..so please don't do it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Still_In_Love Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Perhaps you should consider practicing what you preach... LilChicki....you need to calm down abit....we are all here for advise from people who have had experiences and are trying to offer help. But by you making rude comments, isn't helping you help others. I've read some of your posts and they are good, but now you're angry because people have questioned your ways of handling a break up. So what...your way may work for you...that's great, but if you're going to discuss things on a public forum, you have to accept that people are not always going to agree with you. Personally I resent your attack on J Dub...she has given great advise and it works! Don't knock it....it's helping people such as myself move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 The idea of NC is to forget about the perosn and move on. It is most definately not a way to get them back. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 Thank you Still In Love, I appreciate that Lil Chicki, if you want to jump around and get excited because you dont agree with what I said, then fabulous. But you know what? Because you said YOU call HIM...not him calling you (except perhaps to return a phone call you initiated), it shows he's not coming to you. If he wanted to speak with you, he knows how to find you. The very aspect of him asking for you to leave him alone tells me that he was upset and probably would have when he was done working thru his emotions, however you likely interrupted the natural flow of things by contacting him (regardless of how long you waited). I am not trying to upset you, but you really should take in to consideration that when someone asks for something, its generally for a reason. Maybe youre not "bothering" him, per se...but I'm willing to bet he's simply being curtious to you so as to not cause conflict; he's remaining civil, but that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cynicalnlove Posted November 10, 2005 Author Share Posted November 10, 2005 The idea of NC is to forget about the perosn and move on. It is most definately not a way to get them back. Well, the thing is there was no closure with us. I'm still wanting a good reason why he all of a sudden pulled the NC. I've been reading throught these website and observng what situation had led up to this. However, I didn't do any of those emotional things. I kept on thinking about it too, what went wrong? I've never became pyschotic exept for the part that I thought he was cheating. Then I'd make a phone call at midnight pretending that I just wanted to see how he's doing, that I couldn't sleep; when really I wanted to know if he would pick up. He wouldn't if there was someone there. He's a jealous guy, that I didn't realize. I'm an outgoing girl, I talk to random people mostly because I'm also networking. I talk to other men on friendly terms, but he was never outspoken about it., And I wondered if that was the reason that he pulled the NC. I didn't talk to other men to make him jealous, I talked to both male and female. apparently it was only the other males that he was concerned about. I mean I didn't stalk him nor harrass him, I just kept on calling because he didn't answer my phone calls and wondered if something happened to him. However, I know for sure he's well.. but still after the intensity of our relationship; I still needed an explanation. This is the reason why i started this thread. Since this is an indirect rejection on his part, I wanted to know how will I get him to talk to me after I left a sweet email explaning how I had felt. hmm.. all a mystery. Link to post Share on other sites
LilChicki Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 First of all...this post was NOT about ME. I was offering her a solution..and told her what I did. Period. I feel like MY advice was attacked because it wasn't what YOU would do. Period. I NEVER asked advice about my situation, so telling ME what I did wrong or what you disagree with is not helping the original poster. What works for one might not work for the other. There is not ONE tried and true method of doing things....THAT is my issue. Link to post Share on other sites
whereismylifegoing Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 damn.....hardcore ECW action in this thread Link to post Share on other sites
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