Bettylou Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 For the last few months, I have been hanging out with a guy. We get on extremely well, we hang out at least once or twice a week (since we both have extremely busy schedules with work and outside activities) on lunch outings or going to a bar. Sometimes see each other a few times in between and briefly chat. On my end I know I have feelings for this guy. I'm not sure what this guy feels for me, like he seems to know a lot about me, how I'm feeling without me expressing it. He will remember miniscule details I have told him. Sometimes he will touch me like poke me, tease me, he hugs me when we say goodbye. He makes comments which makes me think he has feelings too. We do talk about sex, we have shared sex stories, film, music. Once when he was drunk he told me he loves me but I think it is the drink that let him say it. He has admitted he will be jealous if I kissed someone else. Yet he hasn't made any moves of kissing or anything sexual physically. Just wondering why he hasn't put out any moves yet? I'm hesitant on making the move in case it isn't reciprocated. The other week I decided not to see or talk to him for a few days just to sit and reflect on my end on what I want to do. When he saw me next, he commented and asked why I hadn't seen him. Should I make the move on him physically or just let it pan out? Is it just a friendship or a situationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 I think you should avoid getting in these ambiguous 'situationships' and look for a man that is more blatant and clear about his feelings and intentions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 49 minutes ago, Bettylou said: Just wondering why he hasn't put out any moves yet? Do you work together? How did you meet? Do you feel these are dates or just hanging out? He seems to like you. Are either of you in other relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 I think you just might need to be straight with him. He sounds interested to me and likely feeling the same way you are. I think he may be thinking the same things you are, worried that if he makes a move it wont be reciprocated. Break the ice and confess you have feelings for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bettylou Posted October 1, 2023 Author Share Posted October 1, 2023 :Update: We still been going out, spending time together but no moves have been made. The other night he has been asking about the history/feelings between my ex and I. On my part I have refrained from talking about my past relationship with my ex, mainly because the relationship was DV and I have a lot of trauma from it. I only gave short replies and he told me about his ex and how his ex would be physical with him too. I did address that it isn't right for anyone to be hurting each other like that and I unconsciously called his ex a vulgar word. Which he did say "Don't call her that, she isn't that bad." So I switched topics. He has been a lot more open about his past which he has told me without me asking. However I'm planning on not seeing him as much again, limiting on only seeing him twice a week. Because I think by seeing him regularly then I'm smothering him with my presence. Even though he did say the other night, it makes him happy when I come to see him. He did say last week that he used to seeing me on a daily basis because it is my routine. Last week I purposefully walked past his store a few days without dropping in because I didn't want to be seen as available. Today I saw him only because I needed to buy a few groceries. We got talking again and as I was about to leave, he looked at me and said "I'll see you tomorrow right?" He asked me twice and now I feel obligated to see him tomorrow. I will drop by to get supplies for work lunches but I'm guessing that is it. (If anyone is wondering, he has met my family and my family like him very much and he likes them too and said he gets on well with them. I have met his family too) So do I just keep it causal and see how it pans out? I'm planning on catching up with my other friends and doing pamper days for myself just trying not to get to attached to him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 He needs a clearer green light. Talk in general about how you want a loving stable safe sane relationship. See how he responds to the topic. If he seems open ask him out; use the word "date" when you pose the Q. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedlol Posted October 3, 2023 Share Posted October 3, 2023 hi, it is totally possible that he might be thinking in the exact same way you are, he may be worried about making a move as you may not feel the same. i would say, from the information you've given about your relationship, to go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 I'd say the feelings are very mutual. But I'd want to know a whole lot more about his DV situation with his ex. I've heard more than one man accuse a woman of DV and use it as the "excuse" for why he assaulted her. Many women who experience DV will attract the same type of partner again, and of course they always arrive on a white horse, all charm and sweetness, before Mr Hyde appears once they're comfortable in the relationship. I hope your guy is as lovely as you say, but I would really want to hear the other side of his DV story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 Why is he talking about his ex at all? Are these dates or just hanging out? It doesn’t seem like he’s in the headspace to date anyone. Im getting the sense that you’re the one visiting his corner mart or supply shop daily and you both got friendly that way. Once or twice a week you both get drunk together at a bar. This is so far off from a date of any kind. And I’m sensing absolutely zero romantic interest or pursuit of anything romantic. This is two buddies hanging out aside from seeing each other at the neighbourhood supply shop. Sure, you’re both flirty perhaps and enjoy each others’ company but there is zero indication he’s interested in pursuing anything with you. I would consider the fact that he still talks about his ex and likes to discuss and defend her a sign that she’s very much present in his life or his mind. Otherwise he would have NO reason to bring her up at all. He would be healed from the previous relationship and it takes up no space in his thoughts. Consider that you’re an available person and he’s lonely or you’re just way too convenient as a friend and someone to flirt with occasionally. It doesn’t sound like you’re smothering him at all. He’s game to participate if you’re there but he likely doesn’t see you as relationship material or isn’t at all in shape to be thinking about being with you romantically. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bettylou Posted October 7, 2023 Author Share Posted October 7, 2023 You guys are right. Last night the ex called him while we were out, it was now obvious that he is still hung up on her and he even said she is still a friend but his sister's "friend" and they talk a few times a week on the phone. Woke me up and I ended up talking to another guy while my friend was to busy talking to his ex. Funny enough the new guy asked me out for dinner tonight. I'm surprised. But I'm going out with the new guy and just chilling. My ideas now is to back away from my friend and go do my own thing. I'm even considering go to the shop when he is not rostered on to avoid him. If he is interested in hanging out with me, than he can call/text me, I'm not going to be the one asking him out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 7, 2023 Share Posted October 7, 2023 27 minutes ago, Bettylou said: I'm not going to be the one asking him out. Good idea. . There's no point babysitting for someone who's pining over and still chatting with his "ex". Enjoy your date! It's time to move forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bettylou Posted October 7, 2023 Author Share Posted October 7, 2023 When I talked to him about her, all he said was "You are better than her. She has good qualities too but you are better than her." It was the moment where I could see he wasn't over her, if he was he wouldn't be entertaining her toxic calls (which I did over hear) a few times a week. Or defending her behavior. I'm better off doing things with someone interested in me and want to do things physical with me instead of just talking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted October 7, 2023 Share Posted October 7, 2023 15 minutes ago, Bettylou said: It was the moment where I could see he wasn't over her, if he was he wouldn't be entertaining her toxic calls (which I did over hear) a few times a week. Or defending her behavior. Perhaps she calls because he wants her to call in the same way that you visit because he wants you to. He sounds like the sort of person who might enjoy having women orbiting around him. Having women paying attention to him probably makes him feel good about himself. And the fact that he's comparing you and her is a red flag. It's as if he's having you compete against each other. Anyway, for sure, you're wasting your time with this guy. If he were interested and emotionally healthy, he would have taken the initiative and asked you out on a date by now. It's great you've met someone who's actually interested in getting to know you better. Have fun with the second guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bettylou Posted October 8, 2023 Author Share Posted October 8, 2023 I had a fun fantastic time with the second guy. You guys are right, I can go and enjoy attention of anyone I want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 8, 2023 Share Posted October 8, 2023 I am so glad you’re moving on and seeing other people, enjoying this recent date with someone else. I think it’s fine to be friends or friendly but he’s not a romantic option. If you absolutely have to go to this specific shop then I’d go at different hours. Just give it some distance for awhile and give yourself the space to clear your mind and have new people in your life. Aren’t there other supply shops in the area? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bettylou Posted October 8, 2023 Author Share Posted October 8, 2023 Oh gosh, I ran into first guy (he came to his shift an hour early.) I pretended not to have seen or heard him and he tapped me on the shoulder. Then he asked if I was fine on Saturday after the big booze night out, because he was super hung over. I replied I was fine and had a great Saturday (didn't say I saw and spent time with second guy). I made small talk, not as overly friendly as I used to be and as I was leaving he responded with "I will be seeing you some time this week?" I replied with a small "Maybe" and left. I don't need to see him for the week, and I can go elsewhere during the week if need be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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