GoodVibess Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 I met up with a 19 year old guy and i’m 23 and I had pics of me from 2 years ago, I gained 30 lbs last year. I feel very ugly and yes it’s my fault that I didn’t update my profile. He started off by saying I looked very “hot” then after the date he ignored my messages and told me that “I will never meet anyone from FB dating, you’re obese and you shouldn’t be meeting any guy at this weight” I don’t understand why he didn’t cut the date short, he literally complimented me so much and I told him I’m on a diet too. He just blocked me, I feel horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 (edited) What kind of site are you on?: Are you on a hook up site or a regular dating site? That was definitely rude of him either way though. Probably the biggest problem though is you chose to go out with a 19 year old. Might want to meet people either your age or older who will likely have better dating etiquette. Edited September 3, 2023 by Sony12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 5 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: after the date he ignored my messages and told me that “I will never meet anyone from FB dating, you’re obese and you shouldn’t be meeting any guy at this weight”. Sorry this happened. Delete and block him permanently. While your pics weren't accurate and he may have been surprised, there's no reason for that type of rudeness. What you could do is get a good profile and some flattering recent pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. This way the men you match and connect with are the ones already attracted to your type. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoodVibess Posted September 3, 2023 Author Share Posted September 3, 2023 1 minute ago, Sony12 said: What kind of site are you on?: Are you on a hook up site or a regular dating site? That was definitely rude of him either way though. I am on facebook dating, he wanted a serious relationship and i’m looking for one too. I really liked talking to him, he seemed very mature for a 19 year old. It’s unfortunate that he said those mean things to me. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 1 minute ago, GoodVibess said: I am on facebook dating, he wanted a serious relationship and i’m looking for one too. I really liked talking to him, he seemed very mature for a 19 year old. It’s unfortunate that he said those mean things to me. I'm so sorry he talked to you that way and hurt you. How rude. It's very important to make sure your pictures match who you are at the moment. Guys will be attracted to who you are in the pictures you show, so make sure they are up to date. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 I read fartfished and thought I’d learn something by coming to this thread. I agree with the comments above - keep this guy blocked. I mean.. his maturity level and character pretty much displayed itself. Not to mention upbringing. I understand the words are incredibly hurtful about your weight. Body shaming is not ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 1 hour ago, glows said: .Body shaming is not ok. And neither is misrepresenting yourself on a dating site. OP, you can avoid this in the future by putting up accurate pics. Not that you deserve those comments - but that says way more about him than you. He’s just not a nice person, so not somebody you’d want to date anyways. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 2 hours ago, GoodVibess said: he seemed very mature for a 19 year old. Unfortunately, he was not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 The rude comments weren't necessary, but posting inaccurate pictures does invite judgement from potential suitors, and does make people angry because you're effectively wasting their time by presenting a false image of yourself. Back in the days when I subjected myself to the horror of date sites it was quite common for men to put up pictures that were 10-15 years old, and the first few time's it happened I was always polite about it and didn't say anything, but then it started to really grind my gears, another Saturday morning wasted having a meet-and-greet coffee date with some guy who thinks I'm too dumb to notice he's no longer the person in his photos. Putting up false images is an insult to people's intelligence, and if you do that you have to be prepared to be insulted back. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 Agree that he sounds like a nasty piece of work. Abusive and not the sort of person you’d want to be in a relationship with. I’m not blaming you but you must learn from this and understand the part you played in this car crash. It could have all been avoided by you either : a) displaying accurate pics of yourself or b) at least being honest about yourself prior to the date. He could then have made an informed choice whether he wanted to proceed with the date, and if not, it may have fizzled out on amicable terms. Likewise I’m incredibly annoyed when men do not look like their pics. It’s happened to me more often than not and it’s just a waste of everyone’s time. You’ll feel better soon Op. sorry this has happened but try and learn from it and put it behind you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 I don't get it, 30 LBS is not that much, weight can be lost and put back on. Why are people so freaking shallow? Makes me mad. What if you were 30 lbs lighter, go on a date, then during the first 3 months of dating gain 30 lbs? Are you then less loveable or less worthy of getting to know? Will that person then drop you just like that? I will never understand why people are so shallow. Oh well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 4 minutes ago, heavenonearth said: I don't get it, 30 LBS is not that much, weight can be lost and put back on. Why are people so freaking shallow? Makes me mad. What if you were 30 lbs lighter, go on a date, then during the first 3 months of dating gain 30 lbs? Are you then less loveable or less worthy of getting to know? Will that person then drop you just like that? I will never understand why people are so shallow. Oh well. It's similar to why people are a little more rude online than they are in real life. Because 99% of the time they are dealing with people that have nothing to do with their real life. Link to post Share on other sites
Liliana09 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 6 hours ago, GoodVibess said: I met up with a 19 year old guy and i’m 23 and I had pics of me from 2 years ago, I gained 30 lbs last year. I feel very ugly and yes it’s my fault that I didn’t update my profile. He started off by saying I looked very “hot” then after the date he ignored my messages and told me that “I will never meet anyone from FB dating, you’re obese and you shouldn’t be meeting any guy at this weight” I don’t understand why he didn’t cut the date short, he literally complimented me so much and I told him I’m on a diet too. He just blocked me, I feel horrible. No offense but Facebook dating gives me Hella red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩, majority on there are scammers or weird 🤷♀️. You should never catfish a guy or anyone , ironically though ... they'll be a ton of catfish on Facebook dating aswell. Another reason I'd stay away. He was probably annoyed you lied to him ,but sounds like he was a jerk anyway. I doubt he wanted a serious relationship,more likely a hook-up instead . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keeves1 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 Wow I think that was very rude of him by commenting on someones weight! It should not be like that and I can understand if you feel hurt by he's comment. Weight should not have anything to with being able to date or not. I agree with Wiseman's comments about it was not neccesarry to comment on it even if you still used old photo's. I would advise to use more prettier photo you got and I'm sure you will match with more men You got this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Liliana09 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 2 hours ago, heavenonearth said: I don't get it, 30 LBS is not that much, weight can be lost and put back on. Why are people so freaking shallow? Makes me mad. What if you were 30 lbs lighter, go on a date, then during the first 3 months of dating gain 30 lbs? Are you then less loveable or less worthy of getting to know? Will that person then drop you just like that? I will never understand why people are so shallow. Oh well. Why are you surprised though when literally the dating scene is 90 % looks & attractiveness 🤷♀️, yes some people are shallow but that's life. Bear in mind if you don't know a person yet ,all you have to go by is their profile and photos. I personally need both looks and personality..... especially personality , you can look like Henry Cavil ....but if you're a nasty person or painfully dull then it's never going to work. But initially people see a handsome photo or pretty photo,and that's how they get drawn in , it's just life. Obviously if people are rude or abusive to you then there's no need for it. And those types of people don't deserve anyone. Also to think of it from a fairer view and lense ,not everyone is an a**h*** ,some people just prefer someone they're more insync with . Especially when it comes to activities and hobbies. If a man is very athletic and likes to jog every day and physical activities ie walking, swimming, cycling,hiking etc . He's going to want a partner with similar interests. As usually they want to share these hobbies and interests together. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 (edited) I think he was very rude to you. That said, 30lbs is a significant difference. You know that your photos were deceptive and given the utter mess that OLD is and the amount of fakeness happening to everyone, I think it's quite understandable that the frustration boiled over and he lost his s*** at you. I'd recommend you let it go and fix your profile photos so that nobody can accuse you of being fake. Edited September 3, 2023 by basil67 typo 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 (edited) His comments were over the top. If I were in his shoes I would just think you were being creepy for trying to hide your current appearance and go on a date. He chose to be mean and hurtful towards you, and you owe it to yourself not to internalize those negative comments. Focus on taking care of yourself and surrounding yourself with people who celebrate your uniqueness. Moving forward, make sure to update your profile with a recent picture and don't lead someone on. Edited September 4, 2023 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 He is obviously a very rude, cruel and immature person. There's no question about this. But you have some responsibility in this too. What you did was pretty inconsiderate. You misrepresented yourself and met up with someone under false pretenses, having pictures that are not current. Next time just make sure your pictures are current and are an honest representation of you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 You were both wrong. He was rude, and you were not honest about your current appearance. Keep him blocked, but use recent photos of yourself in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 (edited) 18 hours ago, GoodVibess said: I am on facebook dating, he wanted a serious relationship and i’m looking for one too. I really liked talking to him, he seemed very mature for a 19 year old. It’s unfortunate that he said those mean things to me. If he's looking for a serious relationship then he never get anywhere by being such a rude ass. He is all about appearances which is so shallow. He doesn't seem to care bout personalities, just if a person is hot or not. He'll be alone for a long time if he keeps up this attitude. Don't worry about him, he's not worth the brain cells. Take some updated photos because you are giving people a false sense of expectation. Edited September 4, 2023 by JTSW Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 Your own description is that you "fatfished" him. What were you expecting the end result to be? Genuine question. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 23 hours ago, GoodVibess said: I don’t understand why he didn’t cut the date short, he literally complimented me so much and I told him I’m on a diet too. He just blocked me, I feel horrible. He probably simply didn't have the courage to tell you his opinion in person, so instead he "played games". There are apparently a lot of dysfunctional people out there on online dating. You are better off without this person, he'll sabotage the next relationship he actually wants to be in, too, mark my words... Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 5, 2023 Share Posted September 5, 2023 It’s healthier to go into online dating meet ups with the preface that no one is what they truly present themselves to be. No expectations. You’re complete strangers and it’s absolutely ridiculous to presume that photos are always an accurate depiction of a person. I’m also assuming that this is a free dating app not a paid one - you’re going to get every single kind under the sun. 30lbs or not and older photos is incredibly petty of a reason to be cutting someone down so badly. There was no reason for him to say what he said. Healthier or more balanced individuals would have taken this for part and parcel of online dating and likely laughed it off not taken the opportunity to destroy another person. I am hoping that this was a brief encounter. That’s why coffee dates are popular as it’s low investment for first meet ups. Try sticking to brief meet ups in future. Having said this why did you feel the need to “fatfish” or “catfish” anyone, OP? Are you also trying to get a reaction from people? Or was it the wrong choice of word? It doesn’t sound like you did this intentionally but also don’t seem ready to join the dating world if you’re not happy with the way you look. I’m referring to “I feel very ugly” in your first post. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted September 8, 2023 Share Posted September 8, 2023 His response was disgraceful, but you'll invite this stuff if your photos are not an accurate reflection of what you look like at present. I'm not saying it's at all, but you have to accept this possibility happening again if you "fatfish" again in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
throwaway7865432 Posted September 9, 2023 Share Posted September 9, 2023 There was no need for hime to be overly mean imo but try to have accurate pics so you don't waste anybody's time. Link to post Share on other sites
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