What should I do?

[BelleMia]

Before I tell my story, please know beforehand that I am extremely insecure and have been through really hard and tough times in my life. I also struggle with mental health issues. 

I met this guy last year September.

We started chatting and he eventually asked for my number. We saw each other for 2 months. I went through a very difficult time and I became suicidal. So I was not myself and I dont like talking to anyone about it.

He eventually told me that he thinks its better if we stay friends for now.

I saw it as rejection and I did not say much, just blocked him.

3 months ago, out of the blue, he contacted me and apologized for what he said and that he is sorry.

We have been seeing each other for three months. However, he is also insecure and he had a traumatic past just like me. For the first time we support each other in that sense. His arms has scars where he cut himself.

He says he does not want to be in a relationship because he got hurt really bad and almost committed suicide. 

We are good friends, and spend a lot of time together. 

I just dont feel if he really likes me or if I am just a friend to him.

We do have sex, we cuddle, hold hands and spend time together.

But now he is getting distant and I dont know what to do.

 

Is there anyone who can guide me?

Thank you,

BelleMia

[JTSW]

Well clearly there is a connection if you're sleeping together.

You won't know what he's thinking unless you talk to him about it and be honest.

I also strongly recommend that you see a councillor for your mental health issues.

It sounds like you've never had any help and just been dealing with it all on your own.

As for what he's feeling, he is the only one that can give you those answers. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, BelleMia said:

We are good friends, and spend a lot of time together. .We do have sex, we cuddle, hold hands and spend time together.

Sorry this is happening. Perhaps you are a comfort and support for each other in the form of FWB, but he may not be ready for a full relationship.

Try to stay in touch but also respect each other's boundaries and limitations as far as being able to handle relationships at this time.

[stillafool]

Yes it sounds like he's only looking for a FWB type set up which is what you guys are doing.  At least he was honest with you about what he's looking for instead of stringing you along.  FWBs usually contact each other when they want sex.  If FWB isn't what you want but a relationship, I would advise you to stop seeing him because you'll end up hurt.  Don't settle for what you don't want.

[glows]

On 9/4/2023 at 12:34 AM, BelleMia said:

He says he does not want to be in a relationship because he got hurt really bad and almost committed suicide. 

 

Pardon? Would you please clarify this part - did he almost commit suicide when you broke things off last time/he got hurt or was this another time before he met you? 

Fwbs have to like one another in some way. Often it’s instinctual or primal attraction and mutual respect for one another. But you do not see the other person as partner material. 

I think he does like you but you both have mental health issues and other things you are dealing with. Keep in mind that if he’s depressed emotions are dampened. He is not going to be your constant or the guy you expect to be constant in emotions and moods. If this doesn’t work for you then end things amicably. Be mindful that he has his support system and refer him to his professionals and friends and family. You do not need to be stuck or guilt tripped into staying with him for any reason.