Has he lost interest or just busy?

[Lola20091997]

A guy who works a really busy demanding nhs job that I’ve been seeing for 3 weeks and knows my mum from work. we get along really easily and the first two dates went so well and he was such a gentleman (candle lit dinner that he made etc) this was during his week off work. after each date he non stoped texted sending photos, long paragraphs and voice note saying can’t wait to see me again/wants to take me here and there. went back to work three days later and usually he send a morning message and follows up a reply to my last response, first day back I didn’t get one but I knew he was busy so I thought I would message morning and say hope he has a good day, he respond after work enthusiastically. The next day I didn’t get a reply back but I didn’t want to bombard him with messages and my mum said she saw him and he looked busy and not his usual self so I thought he would reply to me after work but I never got a reply. I thought nothing of it but no reply the next day either but he was online most of the day, so I sent a message saying hope work wasn’t too bad for him the day before etc, he replied once saying what he doing today and then ignored my last message completely but the message said he was essay writing so thought nothing of it. I didn’t hear from him again and I message the night before I thought he was going away saying hope he has a safe flight etc and he replied he not going away until Tuesday and responded but it was very short and to the point not like his usual messages. That night I saw him in the gym as during one of my text I mentioned I was going gym at this time when he asked about my day and he gave me a cuddle and chatted and staring at me whilst I worked out and  I made a joke about breaking into his house whilst his a way and he said I do have security camera but you can have my bed. So I assume that interest still? but he wasn’t he really jokey self. I messaged him after a flirty message about what he said to me In the gym and he replied and then opened the next and not respond, I’m assuming it because he going on holiday and is busy. I’m just gonna let him come to me now and not bother sending anymore message. I just want advice on if I’m over thinking or there is interest lost. 

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, Lola20091997 said:

 I’ve been seeing for 3 weeks.the first two dates went so well and he was such a gentleman (candle lit dinner that he made etc) 

Sorry this is happening. How many dates have you been on?

Are you exclusive or both still talking to and meeting others?  Is he on/off or recently broken up with someone? Do you know who he's vacationing with?

Yes step back and let him initiate. Unfortunately no one is "too busy" for what they are interested in. So perhaps by stepping back, time will tell what is going on with him.

Edited September 5, 2023 by Wiseman2

[JTSW]

It does sound like he has been losing interest unfortunately.

Definitely ease up on the texting and see what happens. 

Let him initiate more.

If he doesn't then you have your answer.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think he is losing interest, yes. It is very unlikely that he is just so busy he can't take a few seconds to write or call you. 

I would stop sending him messages. See if he initiates and asks to see you again. If doesn't, you have your answer. 

[Gaeta]

I also agree he's losing interest. Who knows maybe an ex got back to him, maybe he's recently separated, could be anything you and & mom know nothing about. 

You need to stop contacting him and let him take the lead. If he disappears then so be it. 

[stillafool]

Yes he's losing interest fast.  Please stop chasing him as that could be one of the reasons he's losing interest.  You only saw him for 3 weeks and that's enough time to know if you want to go further with someone.   He seems to be pulling away from you.

[ShyViolet]

He definitely sounds like he has lost interest.  No one is too busy to take a few minutes out of their day to reply to texts.  When someone's tone and communication style dramatically changes like this, there is a reason.  Stop trying and let him come to you if he decides that he is genuinely interested.

[Herkamer63]

Guy speaking here to help give some insight:

It's great you like this man, but it's hard to hear about someone who's crush (lack of a better word) is losing interest in them. However, given that you're texting him quite a bit can be overwhelming for him, especially when he's already busy. Maybe he had a bad relationship in the past and he's afraid of getting hurt.

Not to read too much into this idea, but there was a woman I dated for awhile. Things went great, I stayed at her place a few times (no bedroom fun but it was very late and had one too many to drink), and we really got to know each other. I started caring more about her, especially when she had a very rough year of losing her older brother. Long story made shorter, although she lost her sibling, that wasn't the main reason she called off our relationship. She was engaged at one point in her life for a few years, and her ex-fiance was terrible to her (both her and her sister confirmed this). A month and a half before she called off from me, this ex passed away, then a few weeks later I didn't hear from her. I was worried because this was at the same time of her deceased brother's birthday. I contacted the sister and her brother-in-law to see what was happening, and they said everything was okay. I didn't know if she was 

[d0nnivain]

If he's back from his holiday & hasn't reached out, this is going no where.  You are right to not chase him.  

[Herkamer63]

Guy speaking here to help give some insight:

It's great you like this man, but it's hard to hear about someone who's crush (lack of a better word) is losing interest in them. However, given that you're texting him quite a bit can be overwhelming for him, especially when he's already busy. Maybe he had a bad relationship in the past and he's afraid of getting hurt.

Not to read too much into this idea, but there was a woman I dated for awhile. Things went great, I stayed at her place a few times (no bedroom fun but it was very late and had one too many to drink), and we really got to know each other. I started caring more about her, especially when she had a very rough year of losing her older brother. Long story made shorter, although she lost her sibling, that wasn't the main reason she called off our relationship. She was engaged at one point in her life for a few years, and her ex-fiance was terrible to her (both her and her sister confirmed this) and was a habitual liar and abuser. A month and a half before she called off from me, this ex passed away, then a few weeks later I didn't hear from her. I was worried because this was at the same time of her deceased brother's birthday. I contacted the sister and her brother-in-law to see what was happening, and they said everything was okay after they also checked in on her because they thought it was odd since she was complimenting me to them.

I didn't know if she was going into a depression or what (long story on this subject of the story). What made it worse was I took vacation one of those weeks as well and it bothered me during that time. After her sister and brother in-law (who I'm both friends with) said everything was good, I was already on my way home with gifts for some of my friends and family, including this woman to cheer her up. We had made plans to get together to do stuff before she went dark, but when I got back and it was a day or so that I was going to drop off her gifts, she messages me and said that she appreciated getting her a gift for her and her dog but she couldn't accept them and that this wasn't going to work out. It hurt because things were going great, but I learned later on from her sister (who she herself said I did nothing wrong and was really hoping this woman and I would work out) that the reason for ghosting me wasn't because of the brother nor me, but rather she never got over her ex-fiance, the man who treated her so horribly. She was still infatuated with him and just wouldn't let go. Since then, I had only spoken to her once only because she reached out but since after she called it off, I moved on from her.

I didn't hate this woman and I still don't. If anything, given what I learned about her, I feel bad for her and hope she gets better. With this incident, and all the other times I had been stood up, mocked, misled (especially with one I was considering after the woman from the story only to find out that she had a bf she never said anything about), and even lied about, I was beginning to clock out of dating and be done with relationships. By the time I was, another woman stepped in and took serious interest in me. I won't go into all that, but I wasn't ready to step back in. I didn't want to go through the heartbreak and disappointment again, even though this woman was messaging me and I just didn't want it. I was okay with it but it didn't mean that I was going to jump in. Heck, I was hoping she would stop, but she meant no harm and was friendly. I saw her at the place where I took my dance lessons and was always good to me. Even then, I was at a stage where I just wanted to focus on me. It took a few months, but I got to know her a little more and I finally started to take interest in her, and she was a cool person. It helped when she withdrew some of her messaging and advancements. Gave me time to process what she was about. But there was a bunch of other things that were happening in each other's lives (namely family issues and a friendship being at risk because a buddy of mine was crazy about her and would have ended our friendship if I pursued her), so we never end up together.

Now, don't misunderstand then assume what I told you with my story (the patterns) is happening with the man in yours. He very well could be losing interest because he never actually felt that way towards you or whatever the case might be. However, not many women really know why men may start to get away from them, despite interest clearly being there for them. It isn't necessarily they're MGTOW, but they may need time to consider if it's worth even doing. So it may not be you directly, but rather him wondering if it's worth the risk based on his past. Truth be told, it does effect us at work, in our hobbies, and whenever we're out with friends. We don't want to get hurt as much as women do. Something I have learned over the years is if you truly like and care about someone, sometimes you just need to let go for awhile. When (if) he's ready to talk, he'll reach out, so let him initiate. Not that you would, but don't try to force it. If he needs space, make sure he gets it. He doesn't want to feel like he's being smothered. Give it time and if it's just him needing some "me time,"  then it should be okay. But if it isn't then it's time to move on. It took me a few months to really like that other woman and even though it ultimately didn't workout, at least it gave me perspective as to what I'm looking for and now I'm talking to another woman who I happen to relate more with. So hopefully you won't take this as me being mean to you because I'm really here to help. If you have any questions, ask. Good luck!

 

PS: Sorry it took long for this. I got caught at work

[Ray_xx]

On 9/5/2023 at 12:21 PM, Lola20091997 said:

A guy who works a really busy demanding nhs job that I’ve been seeing for 3 weeks and knows my mum from work. we get along really easily and the first two dates went so well and he was such a gentleman (candle lit dinner that he made etc) this was during his week off work. after each date he non stoped texted sending photos, long paragraphs and voice note saying can’t wait to see me again/wants to take me here and there. went back to work three days later and usually he send a morning message and follows up a reply to my last response, first day back I didn’t get one but I knew he was busy so I thought I would message morning and say hope he has a good day, he respond after work enthusiastically. The next day I didn’t get a reply back but I didn’t want to bombard him with messages and my mum said she saw him and he looked busy and not his usual self so I thought he would reply to me after work but I never got a reply. I thought nothing of it but no reply the next day either but he was online most of the day, so I sent a message saying hope work wasn’t too bad for him the day before etc, he replied once saying what he doing today and then ignored my last message completely but the message said he was essay writing so thought nothing of it. I didn’t hear from him again and I message the night before I thought he was going away saying hope he has a safe flight etc and he replied he not going away until Tuesday and responded but it was very short and to the point not like his usual messages. That night I saw him in the gym as during one of my text I mentioned I was going gym at this time when he asked about my day and he gave me a cuddle and chatted and staring at me whilst I worked out and  I made a joke about breaking into his house whilst his a way and he said I do have security camera but you can have my bed. So I assume that interest still? but he wasn’t he really jokey self. I messaged him after a flirty message about what he said to me In the gym and he replied and then opened the next and not respond, I’m assuming it because he going on holiday and is busy. I’m just gonna let him come to me now and not bother sending anymore message. I just want advice on if I’m over thinking or there is interest lost. 

First of all - scientifically factual - men think different to women. We are wired different. For example as a women if I was to make a candle lit dinner and treat a man well during dates this would 100 percent mean that I liked him in an emotional way. Men however can buy roses, make dinners, take you for expensive meals and treat you like a princess and it doesn't mean anything emotional to him. Sometimes men can have physical attraction towards women and that's all they are thinking whilst as ladies, we think ''he likes me a lot because he did this and so on'' it's just not the case. I was seeing someone for 3 months who bought me 40 pound earphones on our first date and I was like he's full in - he even told me he would move to my area should we continue going well - 6 months later I haven't spoke to him. Men are straight down to the point - take it as flirty messages, he doesn't want anything more because if he did he would tell you. I play them back at their own game now - probs why I am single haha!