Sumfun Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 I'm going back and forth between ending it and trying to save it.. I've been married to my wife for 33 years.. have 2 great grown kids together.. BUT... I think we've fallen out of love.. We both retired and I wanted to move closer to my oldest daughter and my grandkids (from previous marriage), so I bought a house in the same state as them.. My wife still resides In Ca where our kids reside (both adults). She refuses to move to the new state where I'm at so we basically spend 50% of our time together. I've been trying to get her to move with me full time so we can spend all our time together, but she refuses.. she wants to spend a million and buy a house in Ca to be close to our 2 kids.. my take is we can visit the kids anytime, but more importantly, her and I spend time together.. the fact she refuses kind of tells me she doesn't care to be with me all the time and I think I've come to the same conclusion.. that I'd be happier by myself or find someone I can enjoy spending time with. At times I don't think we have that much in common.. sex is non existent to my dismay and has been for many, many year.. Sometimes I think the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but then think I'm fooling myself.. I figure I have 10 years of "go go" years left before I hit the "slow go" years of 75, and then the "no go" years 10 years later.. I'm 65 and have read that many baby boomers are now getting divorced.. probably for the same reason I'm considering.. Would just like to hear different perspectives if possible... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 You stated “I bought a house in the same state” as my kid. was your wife in agreement on that purchase or did you make that decision on your own? 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sumfun Posted September 7, 2023 Author Share Posted September 7, 2023 she agreed to it at the time.. but her memory was that we'd own a home in both states.. my memory was for her to move here when she retired.. I know that's kind of messed up.. I think how did i read this wrong.. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 She wants to be close to her kids the same way you want to be close to your kid and grandkids from a previous marriage. Don’t take it personally that she doesn’t want to be with you full time. Why couldn’t you have visited your eldest daughter and grandkids anytime and stayed with your wife. See how it works both ways? I understand you may be wanting to be closer to the young ones/grandkids to be there more often but that’s not fair to your wife and 2 children either. Right now you both want different things, living in different states and there’s no compromise if you want to be with a partner full time all the time. You have a blended family but went separate ways and the marriage appears strained with no intimacy or deeper bond. It sounds like you’ve spent some time thinking about ending it. Would you go through with divorce or remain separated indefinitely? How do you see yourself developing new relationships if still married and separated? Granted there are couples who don’t give a flip about divorce and remain separated and enter into new relationships as the circumstances work in their favour. Do you think you could live the rest of your life like that? I suggest discussing your situation in private with a lawyer and figuring out what your options are if you’re going down this route. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 As a mother I would want to stay near my own kids and not move to closer to kids that are not mine. I would happily regularly visit them. You've been pretty unfair on her in my honest opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 (edited) 6 hours ago, Sumfun said: I wanted to move closer to my oldest daughter and my grandkids (from previous marriage), so I bought a house in the same state as them...I'm 65 and have read that many baby boomers are now getting divorced. Sorry this is happening. Yes, there's a phenomenon called "grey divorce". Unfortunately it seems you decided on your own retirement plan to be near your other children and grandchildren and left your wife and the adult children behind. If you want two residences that's fine. But since your decision and move was unilateral it's unfair to expect her to leave her adult children and be near your ex's adult children and grandchildren. Why would she want to be around your ex's daughter and grandchildren and leave her own adult children? Edited September 7, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 14, 2023 Share Posted September 14, 2023 You don't sound overly concerned about your wife's feelings. Has it always been that way? Could that be the reason she no longer cares if you're together or not? What's the reason you decided to make this move? It comes across as you preferring the family you had with your ex, and that's insulting to your wife and to your Ca children. The no-sex thing seems to be a major part of your discontent and that's fair enough, but maybe you should consider the effects of taking a wife for granted and/or treating her like a subordinate, (eg: making unilateral decisions and expecting her to fall in line) - it causes resentment, and resentment kills romance. You want her to come live with you and you say, "We can visit the Ca kids any time". Why can't you visit your grand-kids any time? Why the preference to live near them? Why on Earth would your wife want to move away from her own family to be near your kids from a previous relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
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