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I have a bf but I like someone else

iambelle

By iambelle,
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iambelle

iambelle

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Hello. Can someone help me? I am confused what to choose. I have a bf and we met and it went great but we are on a long distance relationship for 9 months but we haven't said I love you to each other yet. Yes, it is difficult but he is a nice guy. Now I met this guy online he is definitely an ideal guy. He has all the qualities I look in a guy even though we haven't met but I have a good feeling about this. Now I am confused 😕 

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basil67

basil67

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Full disclosure: this is why I'd never do a LDR.  I just know that my needs wouldn't get met and I'd get interested in someone else ;) 

I'd start by making a decision about the long distance guy.  You haven't said anything about his personality....like how the two of you get on.  And whether or not you love him and can see him in your future.  What plans do the two of you have to close the gap.   Is this long distance relationship fulfilling for you?  (probably not, or else you wouldn't be thinking of others).  Good thing about LDRs is that you don't have to be honest about your reasons for leaving.  Just tell him 'I think you're great, but I'm not dealing with the distance'

As for the new guy, you haven't met him yet so it's only ideal on paper.  You don't know if the chemistry will work or what he's really like when he's in a relationship.  You might find that you start dating him and he drives you nuts and he's gone within a month.  Is he local to you?  Could the two of you actually go on dates?  I don't suppose you found him on on OLD? 

All in all, if you dump the LDR guy because it's not working, then you won't be so devastated if it doesn't work out with the new guy....you'll just be free to meet other guys.

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glows

glows

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Can you provide more details on this second online guy? Is this from a dating app? How far is he in comparison to your bf? What is the point of these LDRs? Do you intend to move out of your current town, looking for extra reason to leave or ?

The reason I ask is LDRs in general are not sustainable without some end in sight and long term plan to be in the same location. 

If you’re not very serious or thinking long term about either (don’t care about living in the same city or town), be prepared either one of you will eventually meet someone else. It usually ends up that way and one person gets hurt.

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JTSW

JTSW

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Basil has nailed it. 

Clearly you're not feeling it with your LD bf so it's probably best to end it regardless.

You don't even know the new guy. He could be anyone.

Is he local? Have you video chatted so you know he's legit?

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iambelle

iambelle

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Yes, I really get along with the LDR guy when he came to meet me. Very nice guy too! 
 

The new guy, I have video chatted him and he's such a great guy as well.

Now I am confused. Maybe I just needed an assurance from the LDR guy that he sees me long term and he loves me but he didn't so I am talking to this new guy now...

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JTSW

JTSW

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14 minutes ago, iambelle said:

Maybe I just needed an assurance from the LDR guy that he sees me long term and he loves me but he didn't so I am talking to this new guy now...

Talk to your bf and ask him if he sees this long term with you.

Stop talking to the new guy until you have it all settled with your bf.

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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4 hours ago, iambelle said:

 we met and it went great but we are on a long distance relationship for 9 months . I met this guy online  we haven't met 

How often do you see guy #1? Unfortunately neither of them seem like good options because you don't seem cut out for distance relationships. 

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glows

glows

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11 hours ago, iambelle said:

Yes, I really get along with the LDR guy when he came to meet me. Very nice guy too! 
 

The new guy, I have video chatted him and he's such a great guy as well.

Now I am confused. Maybe I just needed an assurance from the LDR guy that he sees me long term and he loves me but he didn't so I am talking to this new guy now...

That speaks volumes that you can jump to another guy easily. This is not a judgment about cheating. It’s a clear sign that the LDR is not what you want nor see yourself in. It’s just not enough for what you need in a relationship. Do you think it’s worth bringing up because you seem very checked out and done with it.

Did you originally expect guy#1 to move to where you are?

 

 

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iambelle

iambelle

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Yes, I really get along with the LDR guy when he came to meet me. Very nice guy too! 
 

The new guy, I have video chatted him and he's such a great guy as well.

Now I am confused. Maybe I just needed an assurance from the LDR guy that he sees me long term and he loves me but he didn't so I am talking to this new guy now...

 

Update: I chose the ldr guy and continued our relationship. I was honest to the new guy and told him everything and I am glad he understood. 🙂

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S2B

S2B

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15 hours ago, iambelle said:

Yes, I really get along with the LDR guy when he came to meet me. Very nice guy too! 
 

The new guy, I have video chatted him and he's such a great guy as well.

Now I am confused. Maybe I just needed an assurance from the LDR guy that he sees me long term and he loves me but he didn't so I am talking to this new guy now...

Ok - just be honest with both guys so you don’t cause harm to either one.

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basil67

basil67

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I'm glad you've made a decision quickly, but it sounds like you've only met the LDR guy once in seven months.  Again, what are your plans for closing the distance?  Because this isn't sustainable

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S2B

S2B

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I’d find it hard to label someone my boyfriend when they are long distance and only met once.

if you need more than that (most would) then just be it with the LD guy so you feel ok about dating others close to you.

otherwise you are just wasting time waiting and waiting.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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How often do you see your boyfriend in person, OP? Have you only met once^ 

Because while it's good you have cut the other guy off now, this sort of thing will happen again in the future if you don't address the underlying problems created by distance in your relationship. 

Out of curiosity, how old are you? 

Edited by ExpatInItaly
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iambelle

iambelle

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I'm totally confused on what's the best thing to do right now. My ex wants to get back with me and he's telling me he loves me after 10 months. I know he deserves the chance. We are in a long distance relationship but we met 2 months ago. Ldr is very difficult. Now I broke up with him but he doesn't want because we had a great relationship and don't wanna throw it away just like that. My problem is that I met this new guy online and been talking for two weeks now after I broke up with my ex. He seems very kind, nice, respectful. He makes a lot of effort to make me feel special. Well, my ex was also the same way. I really like this new guy as well. Now my ex wants to meet me next month and try work things out for us. Should I get back with him or continue talking with this new guy that which I think we'll have a good relationship as well. Please help me decide! Would appreciate it. 😐

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JTSW

JTSW

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You've already had many responses to this in your previous post.

What do YOU want to do?

Which direction is your heart pulling you?

8 minutes ago, iambelle said:

Ldr is very difficult.

You've answered your own question here.

If you find it very difficult then it's never going to work for you.

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JTSW

JTSW

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5 minutes ago, iambelle said:

My ex wants me to move in his house. I miss him alot

We can't make up your mind for you and tell you what to do.

You're the only one who can do that.

You had numerous responses in your previous identical post but you're still stuck.

This means we can't help you further with this.

The decision is all yours, no-one else's.

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JTSW

JTSW

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2 minutes ago, iambelle said:

I think the right to do is get back with him and stop communicating with the new one.

But is that what you WANT to do?

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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2 hours ago, iambelle said:

My ex wants me to move in his house. I miss him alot

How long have you been dating? How often do you see each other? How far apart are you? 

 

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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A couple of things: 

1.   The fact that you went looking for new guy suggests that everything is not as wonderful as you want it to be with LDR guy. 

2.  I thought you already made a decision but I guess you changed your mind.  This is more evidence that LDR guy is not the one. 

3.  Moving a long distance to live with some guy you met ONE TIME over the course of 9 months 2 months ago is INSANE.  Do not do that.  The fact that he brought it up tells me he has a screw loose.   All the back & forth through the long distance doesn't count for much.  I know it feels real but it's not.  The only measure of things is that single time you met.  Everything else is smoke & mirrors. 

Moving in together at this stage is ridiculous.  You can't tell me that you think it's a great idea to move in with a stranger you went on one date with.  Are you really going to give up your job & undertake the expensive proposition of moving for someone you don't really know?   If you want to relocate & live closer to him so you can date conventionally & get to know each other from separate addresses that may be an option but again I urge you to give some more thought to why things are rocky.  If it's the distance only, close the gap but are you ready for all you will have to give up to accomplish this?  Why isn't he offering to move to your town? 

 

IMO you would be well served to get off the internet &date locally.  Doing so will erase the confusion & save you so much grief.  

Edited by d0nnivain
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stillafool

stillafool

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On 9/7/2023 at 5:57 AM, iambelle said:

Now I am confused. Maybe I just needed an assurance from the LDR guy that he sees me long term and he loves me but he didn't so I am talking to this new guy now...

Are you in love with him?  It doesn't sound like it if you are also liking this other guy.  What assurance would he have that you are all in for him?

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