Sony12 Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 I had a hookup date planned with a lady and she asked me to spend the night with her. She is twenty one years older than me. It was a situation where I would have had to drive a little further than I prefer plus I don't really enjoy spending the night on these types of dates as often times you will have sex until a little after midnight and will spend the next five to six hours thinking about wanting to go home. Only reason I agreed to spend the night was because of the distance. Anyways although I was a little iffy about doing it I kept it going until just the night before when I decided to officially cancel. Nothing wrong with that and although she said she was sad about it she was still polite in her response. My question is when someone is inviting you over to their place is it good to give them a little more notice than just a single day (as I know people could be taking the time to get their house looking nice for your visit). So in situations where you are being invited over to a person's house is it good to give a little more notice than what you would for a normal date due to the extra things they might be doing to get ready for it that they wouldn't if you weren't coming over? . Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 (edited) I don't think it matters in the grand scheme of things considering it's a hook-up date; I'm sure she's fine either way. A little more notice might help the person to get organized and feel better about having a stranger over. Though this sounds like an arranged hookup situation, and if that's the case she may be expecting to have sex and may not have any other plans. BTW, why do you always mention their age being older? Is that supposed to be like you being honorable or something? I'm just curious. Edited September 7, 2023 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sony12 Posted September 7, 2023 Author Share Posted September 7, 2023 6 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: I don't think it matters in the grand scheme of things considering it's a hook-up date; I'm sure she's fine either way. A little more notice might help the person to get organized and feel better about having a stranger over. Though this sounds like an arranged hookup situation, and if that's the case she may be expecting to have sex and may not have any other plans. BTW, why do you always mention their age being older? Is that supposed to be like an insult to their age or something? I'm just curious. No age gap scenarios are often a bit different than two people who are around the same age so just decided to mention it. I notice other people on here often mention if there is much age difference so decided to as well. She did ask me in the days prior to the cancellation if she should cook me breakfast or dinner and I told her no she didn't need to do that. I said if we decided to get together a second time than we could go out to breakfast. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 32 minutes ago, Sony12 said: My question is when someone is inviting you over to their place is it good to give them a little more notice than just a single day (as I know people could be taking the time to get their house looking nice for your visit). If this is your only concern or question, my answer is no: Because the way I see it is that you gave that lady some extra motivation to clean and organize her house, or certain parts of it, and although the visit got cancelled, she will probably be more than happy that she can now enjoy a very clean house. 😃 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sony12 Posted September 7, 2023 Author Share Posted September 7, 2023 6 minutes ago, BrinnM said: If this is your only concern or question, my answer is no: Because the way I see it is that you gave that lady some extra motivation to clean and organize her house, or certain parts of it, and although the visit got cancelled, she will probably be more than happy that she can now enjoy a very clean house. 😃 Lol yes that's the only thing. It would have been worse if I said yes do fix a meal for me but the fact I told her not to do that when she asked doesn't make it a big deal. Did surprise me though when she offered to do that though. Usually they aren't offering to do things like that. They may take you out but usually don't offer to cook you anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 34 minutes ago, Sony12 said: No age gap scenarios are often a bit different than two people who are around the same age so just decided to mention it. I notice other people on here often mention if there is much age difference so decided to as well. She did ask me in the days prior to the cancellation if she should cook me breakfast or dinner and I told her no she didn't need to do that. I said if we decided to get together a second time than we could go out to breakfast. Oh I see. I'm not buying it. Haha. Some people do prefer a bit more notice in order to make sure that they can have everything prepared for your visit and that you both are comfortable. Others are fine with just day or two of notice. It's really just a matter of personal preference. So it really depends on the other person and what they are expecting. In this case, since you did give some notice, it probably wasn't that big of an issue for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sony12 Posted September 7, 2023 Author Share Posted September 7, 2023 11 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Oh I see. I'm not buying it. Haha. Some people do prefer a bit more notice in order to make sure that they can have everything prepared for your visit and that you both are comfortable. Others are fine with just day or two of notice. It's really just a matter of personal preference. So it really depends on the other person and what they are expecting. In this case, since you did give some notice, it probably wasn't that big of an issue for her. Lol other than just continuing to build up on her frustration that in the town where she lives all there are are a bunch of unattractive old men. All the young hot guys are too far away, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 8 minutes ago, Sony12 said: Lol other than just continuing to build up on her frustration that in the town where she lives all there are are a bunch of unattractive old men. All the young hot guys are too far away, lol. Maybe she's disappointed because she wanted a reason to break out the Wheaties for breakfast. 😅 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sony12 Posted September 7, 2023 Author Share Posted September 7, 2023 9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Maybe she's disappointed because she wanted a reason to break out the Wheaties for breakfast. 😅 Lol hot young sex and staying for breakfast afterwards is what gigolos are for, lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 She's probably a great cook. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 That's why I refrained from showcasing my culinary skills to my partner until we've spent some quality time together. She desires to guarantee that the man genuinely deserves such a gesture. Until then, he gets a spoon and a bowl of take-out. ☺️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 1 hour ago, Sony12 said: . It would have been worse if I said yes do fix a meal for me. It's good you cancelled, of course sooner is better than later. It seems she wanted more of a date than a hookup. A little too cozy for just hooking up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sony12 Posted September 7, 2023 Author Share Posted September 7, 2023 18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's good you cancelled, of course sooner is better than later. It seems she wanted more of a date than a hookup. A little too cozy for just hooking up. That's what I was thinking when she asked if she should cook me anything. They normally don't do that for guys that they mainly just want to see naked. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 I would always try to give at least a day's notice for anything involving someone's house (even if I'm just visiting a friend's house), mainly because I myself would like to get that. And yes, I absolutely do rush to get some last-minute cleaning done for a visit, which is why I'd be so miffed. 😅 But it's not a huge deal IMO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sony12 Posted September 7, 2023 Author Share Posted September 7, 2023 Yeah I think if I ever do this again where I talk to someone who doesn't live close enough to get to their place and back in the same evening and they invite me to their place for sex I think I am just going to get a hotel room around the area where they live and not actually spend the night with them. As sleeping in a hotel room would be far more comfortable than sleeping in a bed with someone on a first date. I could be wrong but I wouldn't think a lady (who was outright asking a stranger to have sex with them) would be too offended by that. Do women like actually sleeping with a guy on the first date or would they prefer to just have the sex and then part ways so they could sleep in a more comfortable atmosphere as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted September 8, 2023 Share Posted September 8, 2023 I'm confused. What do you want people to tell you? Go, don't go... it's up to you and you only to decide whether the sauce is worth the squeeze. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 8, 2023 Share Posted September 8, 2023 I think this is more about you being more decisive and being clear. You clearly aren’t comfortable sleeping over so why fantasize or pretend or even let someone go one minute believing you’re into it enough to agree to something like that. I can see you’re trying to improve and figure out if there’s a better way to treat others so yes, I think there is room for improvement. The good thing is that you DID give what most would deem ample notice (24 hrs notice). Some don’t give any and just don’t show or cancel minutes to meeting whether it’s a date, hook up, whatever. You’re way ahead of the majority. Regarding your question about people wanting to sleep over - that’s very personal and some like having someone else in the bed or having that company. They sleep better. There may also be a degree of comfort having known that partner for a long time. And if it’s a first date where people are sleeping together I’m not surprised if a large number are intoxicated to begin with and it’s more a matter of convenience at that point. Not safe to drive or even walk straight. Also I don’t suspect many people arrange a first meet up with intention to sleep at someone’s house believing they’d be welcome there all night in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sony12 Posted September 8, 2023 Author Share Posted September 8, 2023 6 hours ago, glows said: Also I don’t suspect many people arrange a first meet up with intention to sleep at someone’s house believing they’d be welcome there all night in the first place. Usually not no. When it does happen though it's usually from a very sexually charged online flirtation where they aren't local enough to get back to their own place within the same day. I've done it a few times and while the sex is often really good (often times going on for five plus hours) once it is over you are in a pretty uncomfortable situation for the rest of the night because you two have already done the main thing you got together for. And in the morning you aren't really in the mood to have any seconds because you are busy thinking about wanting to get home. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 8, 2023 Share Posted September 8, 2023 Just tell her next time that you have an early appointment so you can't stay long. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 8, 2023 Share Posted September 8, 2023 3 hours ago, Sony12 said: once it is over you are in a pretty uncomfortable situation for the rest of the night Why not meet at the hotel and leave when you're done? Or something closer so you can drive home afterwards? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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