do people that have children talk about anything other than their children?

[Alpacalia]

I went out with my friends earlier today and none of us had children with us. We tried to talk about movies, books, news, politics, our pets, our jobs, just general day-to-day life. But my friends all they talk about their kids. I don't have them so I thought it was a bit too much for me. Do people with children talk about anything other than their kids?

I don't mean that rudely it's just a curiosity.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am also happily childfree, and I've got friends with kids. 

I find that conversations sometimes circle back to their chidren, yes, but we do have plenty of other things to talk about as well. Those are the friends who have fairly dynamic lives and other interests they pursue (or try to) in addition to being parents. 

I spend less time with those friends who can't seem to talk about anything but their kids. I am happy to get caught up about the kiddos and enjoy hearing updates, but I don't really want to spend the whole visit hearing about Junior's latest soccer victories or where they're at with planning the Marvel-themed birthday party. 

 

[basil67]

My closest friends and I all have kids because we either met as school mums or grew up together.  We talk about marriages, divorces, death, kids, work, health issues, movies, cooking, books, pets...and now that our kids are older, we also talk about menopause and elderly parents.  I'd also be up for talking about domestic arts and crafts, but none of them are interested.

Edited September 10, 2023 by basil67

[Weezy1973]

People talk about whatever is important in their lives usually. My friend circle has multiple teachers in it and when we get together there’s a whole lot of  teacher talk 

I can say as a parent of two young kids, my life is pretty much work and family. So if I don’t talk about those things, I wouldn’t have much to say at all! 

[FMW]

I am also child-free, and at my age (58) people with children are usually discussing grandchildren.  Although I have friendly relationships with people for whom children and grandchildren are the focus of their lives, and therefore their conversations, the people I consider good friends and spend a lot of time with either don't have children/grandchildren or they have other interests that we share and that they enjoy talking about.  The children are only a (mostly small) portion of our conversations.   

Conversely, I've always been aware that for people who have primarily a family focus, I don't hold much conversational interest.  I can listen to their stories, but I can't relate and have no similar stories to share.  

 

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I am also happily childfree, and I've got friends with kids. 

I find that conversations sometimes circle back to their chidren, yes, but we do have plenty of other things to talk about as well. Those are the friends who have fairly dynamic lives and other interests they pursue (or try to) in addition to being parents. 

I spend less time with those friends who can't seem to talk about anything but their kids. I am happy to get caught up about the kiddos and enjoy hearing updates, but I don't really want to spend the whole visit hearing about Junior's latest soccer victories or where they're at with planning the Marvel-themed birthday party. 

 

Thanks. This is pretty much my sentiment as well.

I was on the verge of mentioning that we could explore a wider range of topics and not let the entire conversation revolve around it. After all, this outing was meant for our "girls" to reconnect with friends and engage in discussions that extend beyond parenting. While I like children and have a close bond with their kids, it seemed as if our friends couldn't steer the conversation away from parenting at all.

Edited September 10, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Kassieee]

Edit below

Edited September 10, 2023 by SlimShadysWife
Edit

[Kassieee]

2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Thanks. This is pretty much my sentiment as well.

I almost felt like suggesting that we also talk about other things and not the entirety of the conversation be dominated by it. I mean, this was an outing for the "girls" and it was supposed to be girls time to take time to stay connected with our friends and have conversations that don't revolve around parenting. I love kids and I am close to their children but it felt like they were not capable of talking about anything other than parenting.

Did you try to spark a different topic? I think if talking about their children brings them joy, and that's what they enjoy talking about you should let it be. Consider finding other friends you can relate to or have more in common with. 

Suggesting to them that they talk about other things can come off as controlling.

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, SlimShadysWife said:

Did you try to spark a different topic? I think if talking about their children brings them joy, and that's what they enjoy talking about you should let it be. Consider finding other friends you can relate to or have more in common with. 

Suggesting to them that they talk about other things can come off as controlling.

Indeed, I have experienced this situation before. I don't believe it's necessarily about being controlling. There was this one friend who used to constantly share their marriage issues with me to the point where I had to express that I couldn't listen to it anymore. I was still there to support them, but I also suggested that they seek out a professional therapist to discuss these issues. However, in most cases, my friends have shared their marital concerns in a healthy way that didn't overwhelm me. In fact, talking and venting to friends can be a constructive aspect of a relationship and provide valuable support.

Certainly, I am not going to "not be friends" with them, I suppose I can just limit my time with them instead.

 

[Weezy1973]

15 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

 …it was supposed to be girls time to take time to stay connected with our friends and have conversations that don't revolve around parenting. 

But wouldn’t your friends with kids talking about their lives, including kids and parenting, be a conversation and a way of connecting? If I’m sharing with you the important things in my life, that’s me connecting. 

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

But wouldn’t your friends with kids talking about their lives, including kids and parenting, be a conversation and a way of connecting? If I’m sharing with you the important things in my life, that’s me connecting. 

Yes Weezy albeit not when the entire conversation is dominated by it. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

People talk about whatever is important in their lives usually. 

Agree. Maybe you've grown apart and it's time for new friends? 

[Alpacalia]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Maybe you've grown apart and it's time for new friends? 

Yes, I suppose.

I understand how much their children mean to them. It can be overwhelming to hear all the details about, let's say, little Jimmy (using this as a hypothetical example), from his bathroom visits to nap times. Perhaps next time, I'll gently convey that I genuinely value hearing about their kids, and I'd also like to have more diverse conversations. It can be a bit draining to focus solely on one topic all the time, and I would like our connection to encompass a broader range of subjects.

I hope they'll understand where I'm coming from.

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

Yes Weezy albeit not when the entire conversation is dominated by it. 

Maybe the issue isn’t so much that they talk about their kids, but more so that they dominated the conversation. Did they ask what was new in your life etc.?

[Alpacalia]

11 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Maybe the issue isn’t so much that they talk about their kids, but more so that they dominated the conversation. Did they ask what was new in your life etc.?

Yes, that was the impression I got. Engaging in the conversation was quite challenging, as it felt like they were sharing a lot about their children's lives and experiences without giving me much opportunity to contribute. While I asked about their interests and activities, the conversation consistently revolved around them. This situation left me somewhat uncomfortable and gave me the sense that my own life wasn't being equally appreciated.

Interestingly, when I chat with my close male cousin, with whom I share a special bond and am the godmother of his daughter, or my male friend, whom I've been best friends with since childhood, it's quite different. My cousin and I have meaningful discussions, and I always feel heard and valued. He respects my perspective, just as I respect his. This contrast has led me to wonder why the dynamics aren't the same with my female companions.

Edited September 10, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Ray_xx]

14 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I went out with my friends earlier today and none of us had children with us. We tried to talk about movies, books, news, politics, our pets, our jobs, just general day-to-day life. But my friends all they talk about their kids. I don't have them so I thought it was a bit too much for me. Do people with children talk about anything other than their kids?

I don't mean that rudely it's just a curiosity.

They don't do anything but and post them all over social media. I don't get it...

[Kassieee]

39 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Yes, that was the impression I got. Engaging in the conversation was quite challenging, as it felt like they were sharing a lot about their children's lives and experiences without giving me much opportunity to contribute. While I asked about their interests and activities, the conversation consistently revolved around them. This situation left me somewhat uncomfortable and gave me the sense that my own life wasn't being equally appreciated.

Interestingly, when I chat with my close male cousin, with whom I share a special bond and am the godmother of his daughter, or my male friend, whom I've been best friends with since childhood, it's quite different. My cousin and I have meaningful discussions, and I always feel heard and valued. He respects my perspective, just as I respect his. This contrast has led me to wonder why the dynamics aren't the same with my female companions.

This isn't a male vs female thing....just a your friends thing. 

[Alpacalia]

Maybe I am just being a big baby.

I mean, I was just thinking about how my one friend, when I went to stay with her she was so sweet to me. She bought me coffee from Starbucks every day (albeit I am not big on Starbucks but that she got me coffee everyday showed me how sweet she was). She, has done so much for me and has always been there for me. So overall, I should just grow up and be grateful for the supportive, loving friends I have in my life.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think you're being a big baby. 

If these people just talk about their kids but don't take much interest in your life, of course the conversation would be boring after a while. I limit the time I spend with friends who I know will be much more interested in dicussing the latest daycare drama or litlte Ava's dance recital than asking much about me. 

[Els]

15 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I went out with my friends earlier today and none of us had children with us. We tried to talk about movies, books, news, politics, our pets, our jobs, just general day-to-day life. But my friends all they talk about their kids. I don't have them so I thought it was a bit too much for me. Do people with children talk about anything other than their kids?

I don't mean that rudely it's just a curiosity.

I feel you; I've experienced this with many of my female friends as well. It's not their fault - of course, people naturally talk about the things that take up most of their life, and unfortunately, statistically women are still more likely to pick up the bulk of the childcare, especially with young children. Quite a few studies have shown that mothers of young kids tend to have far less leisure time than fathers of young kids, and are much more likely to not have time for personal hobbies.

The end result is that I now spend more time with my childfree friends and male friends (with or without children). It's sad, but it's just how it is I guess. It's fairly common for friends to drift apart with age, for various reasons.

[MsJayne]

Sometimes they don't. I don't have any kids so, while I'm OK with hearing about kids/grandkids to a degree, it can be very boring if it's a too-regular thing. For women who have hobbies and interests outside of family life their kids aren't their entire world so their conversation topics are much wider, but I do have one friend for whom family is the big focus and I have to admit I find her incredibly boring - like, I'm pretty sure I know why her ex-husband, when given a choice between sobriety and his marriage, left her for a carton of beer and his bong. I think for some women having children is the only thing they see as a real achievement in their life, and so they focus on motherhood and family and don't realise that they become one dimensional. 

[Alpacalia]

8 hours ago, Ray_xx said:

They don't do anything but and post them all over social media. I don't get it...

Social media doesn't bother me as much, I like to look at their pictures of their kids and hear stories but I still feel disconnected. Talking about kids can be fun but I'd like to hear more about other topics. I'm not on there much anyway, I posted something for the first time after 10 months (guess I don't have much of a social life lol).