Girlfriend of 4 years asked for break after cancer

[Connor12119]

Me 28m her 26f dating 4 years amazing chemistry get along like house on fire

she was recently diagnosed with cancer she has now been through treatment I never left her side it’s been tough but things are looking brighter and we waiting for final results to see give all clear 

 

im 28m I have my own house my own car my own business and share a child 50/50 with my ex partner he’s 10 years old

She lives with her parents she currently of work and suffers with anxiety she’s very attractive girl and takes care of her self out of know we’re she texts me telling me things aren’t working I don’t make her priority she wants space at start I tried to figure out why we sat down worked out things and felt like we back on track for her to say 2 days later we’re single and she wants head space once again i told her not talk to me for month and see we’re your heads at she deleted me on every social media platform I text her 2 days later saying it was wrong of me and I’m here for you send her flowers and card but said I accept your space she said we will meet up 2 weeks time said fine she messaged me saying thankyou for flowers couple days later I just replied with your welcome she then replied it ment a lot i said because your worth a lot left it as that she messaged me again couple days later asking about something she may left in my house I messaged her telling I couldn’t find it she said she will come around look this weekend and to talk I said I don’t know if I want that you asked for space and I have lot questions to answer my self after feeling pushed away doing everything I can for her she started blowing my phone saying why you being pissy we chatted I explained she’s pushing me away we agreed to meet that night had amazing sex as usual chatted for about 4 hours and cuddled she didn’t want to stay the night as she had be up early she then tells me not to message her or talk to her cause she wants head space

Edited September 11, 2023 by Connor12119

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Connor12119 said:

she was recently diagnosed with cancer she has now been through treatment.  i told her not talk to me for month and see we’re your heads at 

Please give her the space she needs without all the games, power struggles and stress. Have a heart. At least let her try to go through with this with support from friends and family. It's hard to believe she's fighting for her life and you're playing games.

[Connor12119]

I don’t see how I’m playing games when I have been through it with her so to say let her go through it with her friends and family and not her partner of 4 years is ridiculous 

[JTSW]

7 minutes ago, Connor12119 said:

I don’t see how I’m playing games when I have been through it with her so to say let her go through it with her friends and family and not her partner of 4 years is ridiculous 

It's not ridiculous at all. 

You have to respect her wishes about what she's most comfortable with during such a hard time.

[BreakOnThrough]

Do what she says, be scarce, she needs to miss you and you aren't allowing that process to materialize.  Sounds to me like she is trying to gain perspective, when someone goes through a health crisis, they tend to revaluate all areas of their life, it's normal, and the best support you can be right now is to back off and let her do that.

[ShyViolet]

On 9/11/2023 at 8:01 AM, Connor12119 said:

she then tells me not to message her or talk to her cause she wants head space

You should do what she has asked.  Refusing to leave her alone after she has asked you the above would be completely disrespectful of you.  

On 9/11/2023 at 8:46 AM, Connor12119 said:

to say let her go through it with her friends and family and not her partner of 4 years is ridiculous 

She doesn't WANT to go through it with you now, she has clearly told you that.  It's not "ridiculous".  Your opinion of it is honestly irrelevant, you can think it's ridiculous all you want but she has the right to make her own decisions about who she keeps in her life. 

[ExpatInItaly]

On 9/11/2023 at 2:46 PM, Connor12119 said:

to say let her go through it with her friends and family and not her partner of 4 years is ridiculous 

Do you usually get your back up like this? 

It could be a reason why she needs a break from you, if so. 

[Mrin]

Dude... Stop. Just stop. Set an alarm for 30 days from now and don't contact her until it goes off. Respect her wishes. Give her some space. Anything else it disrespectful and only hurts your chances of turning this around. 

[Lubecke]

This is a lot to take in for her. As someone that got diagnosed with stage 4 recently, I’d say I can see where she’s coming from. So many things crashing down on you, and you realize ok what are my top priorities right now? Sometimes needing some time to process the news and think is needed. So respect that and give her the space. Tell her you’ll be supportive of her wishes, that you still care about her and will be there if she needs you.

 

for your own healing though, I’d say try to grapple with it all yourself and slowly start giving yourself some you time. I’m sure having to be the caregiver in this situation, some people lose sight of taking care of themselves.

 

so don’t forget about you. Focus on your right now that’s the best thing you can do. Hope it helps.