Am I expecting too much of my partner to understand the priority of my adult children?

[Tugofwar1623]

As we are older and start a new relationship with someone, at what point does it become unworkable to manage your new partner's expectations and the needs of your adult children particularly when you are a widow and then only have you as a parent. I know I'm really really close with both of my 30 year old kids one of whom is married but every time I'm in a new relationship with someone, one of them becomes very anxious. While I try to balance my time and attention, sometimes the new partner gets resentful and then I'm in a no win situation

My current relationship has generally been a good one but there is real tension because of the above sometimes.  While my adult kids understand I want to be with someone and not alone, sometimes they are anxious about it and at the same time, if I try to appease all parties it doesn't always work.

Should a new partner given the situation of being a widow, understand that I cannot always be available to them and sometimes they need to just "suck it up" if one of my kids needs me?

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Tugofwar1623 said:

Should a new partner given the situation of being a widow.....

How new is this relationship?  If he's selfish, possessive or trying to sever you from family, friends or your money, just end it. Is this the same man?:

 

Edited September 11, 2023 by Wiseman2

[d0nnivain]

Stop appeasing your anxious adult children.  Seriously if they were having genuine problems, even their car didn't start, it would be fine to put them first but here what you described is no reason to sabotage your relationship.  It's time kiddies realized that mom has a life too.  I'm sorry about the death of your husband but you are not required to mourn forever.  The kids have to embrace reality.  Stop coddling them