Gelena Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 I am in love with a married man. And I am only sorry for him not talking to me anymore. I fell in love when I was working for him. Well, before. I had to work hard to get into that company when I knew he was working there. I thought he only is an HR there, he interviewed me, but it turned out that he was a boss. It is a beautiful and melodic feeling, though I've spent months torturing myself for it. We've never had anything indecent, and I don't wish we did. Instead, I wish he'd gotten a divorce. I was feeling bad and became too paranoid when I thought his wife was going to kill him, because he started talking about divorce. We've gotten very close and were supporting each other due to the war in our country. She got suspicious, went through his phone and started sending me threats. He stopped talking to me since then, and I thought that something was wrong, so I hired an investigator. He found out that she was unfaithful, but he failed to take a photo as a proof. I tried to uncover her, so she won't hurt the man that I love, her husband. But she managed somewhat to turn it around. Then she started to bully me online: I don't report police only out of my respect for this man. I went through plenty of psychology workshops and groups, therapy etc. as a dependent person in my past, so I know what is going on: to him and to their kids she is destructive, she is very toxic. I am not judging, it is bare terminology used in therapy. He haven't spoken to me since I've shown him how she is abusing and harassing me online, I don't know how the situation is now. I know he is a great person, and she doesn't love him if she betrays him in this way. I love him, he is dear to my heart. And no matter what I tried, and I tried, believe me, I just can't stop loving him. I wish for us to talk again, but he is a noble man who is not willing to for the reason of his principles. I wanted to ask if there is a way for me to pray to resolve this? Not only that, but I want to be with him after his divorce, even if she turns my life into a living hell. He and his beautiful kids will need all the support possible. I am studying how negatively she influences them, so I would have known what to do to make amends. I want to know if it is right to pray for his happiness and for my own, and the Lord's Will? I believe in marriage, and that this amazing man should be with a partner as devoted as he is to the covenant, not how it is right now. I want to be his wife and I pray for God to give me an answer and help me with this. Is it right? To want to be with him and make him happy? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 8 minutes ago, Gelena said: We've never had anything indecent. she got suspicious, went through his phone and started sending me threats..He stopped talking to me since then, Sorry this happened. Do you still work there? Were you having an affair? Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Please leave him and their marriage alone. Hiring an investor is like stalking his wife out of jealousy. You need to stay away from both of them. He doesn't seem to want your "help" destroying his marriage. Otherwise he wouldn't have stopped talking to you. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 You feel how you feel, but ultimately this sounds like a recipe for a lonely "relationship" since you cannot have him and are essentially what is sometimes called an "orbiter" where you stay on the outskirts of a person's life, having strong feelings for them but unable to actually have them. The likelihood of him actually leaving his wife is low. Despite how dysfunctional their relationship might be, some people are actually drawn to and unconsciously comfortable with dysfunction/emotionally unstable partners. If he's stuck around this long, it's likely that he is like this and will stay, no matter how much he may complain in the short term when a specific thing makes him miserable. Couples who are "terrible for each other" and yet still stay together are far from unheard of and in fact are a bit of a cliche. It's also possible he may fear what she might do if he actually leaves. Is it possible YOU are also drawn to dysfunction? You might consider what it is that makes him and/or this situation so attractive to you. I suspect many people would choose "not to waste their time". I think you will have to decide for yourself whether and/or how long you want to remain in this "orbiter" state, and whether you want to look for an available man who you can actually have. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 You crossed boundaries & tried to interfere in his marriage. He's there for a reason & all the logic in the world isn't going to make him leave her. He made his choice & it's not you. Quit your job at his company & bow out of his life. Delete him & her from your phone & social media. Leave them alone. It's not your problem & you have to stop poking into their business. It doesn't matter that you think you love him. He doesn't care about you. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gelena Posted September 12, 2023 Author Share Posted September 12, 2023 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. Do you still work there? Were you having an affair? Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Please leave him and their marriage alone. Hiring an investor is like stalking his wife out of jealousy. You need to stay away from both of them. He doesn't seem to want your "help" destroying his marriage. Otherwise he wouldn't have stopped talking to you. We were not having an affair. I believe it's meant to be and we will be together. She isn't loyal so she is destroying her own marriage. I will only make one great man happy after it's all over. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 9 minutes ago, Gelena said: We were not having an affair. I believe it's meant to be and we will be together. She isn't loyal so she is destroying her own marriage. I will only make one great man happy after it's all over. But it may not end. Or if it does, he may not choose you. Please tell me that you're not putting yourself on hold for this guy. 9 hours ago, Gelena said: I want to know if it is right to pray for his happiness and for my own, and the Lord's Will? I'm not religious, but I would say that you should pray for the strength to make good decisions which bring you happiness. And those decision may not involve this man. But I highly doubt that God is going to reach in and help this MM make the decision that you want him to make. This man needs to make his own decisions, and pray for the support to do so if that's his thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 37 minutes ago, Gelena said: I believe it's meant to be and we will be together. She isn't loyal so she is destroying her own marriage. It's her marriage to destroy, not yours. It's also not destroyed. HER husband is still with her. Seriously, stop. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 12 hours ago, Gelena said: I believe in marriage You can't be serious with this. You're actively trying to destroy theirs. Stop it before you get yourself in trouble, This man doesn't want to be with you and isn't going to be with you. Your only job is to accept that, and stop interfering in other people's lives. 3 hours ago, Gelena said: I believe it's meant to be and we will be together. You are probably wrong about this. There is currently nothing to suggest that this is going to come true for you. Have you got any supportive friends or family in your life you can confide in? They may be able to help you untangle your emotions and misguided belief that you have the right to behave the way you're behaving now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 Sounds like he knows she's a cheating toxic person and he doesn't seem to mind. It's not your place to interfere in their marriage and it is definitely not your place to pray to God for them to get a divorce. Maybe he is comfortable with the situation as it is and doesn't want to change it. Misery loves company, as the saying goes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 12 hours ago, Gelena said: She isn't loyal so she is destroying her own marriage. Kindly, this is none of your business. His marriage is HIS marriage. And as such, you are meddling where you do not belong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gelena Posted September 13, 2023 Author Share Posted September 13, 2023 Thank you everyone, well, I just hope he changes his mind, because I love him. And he is worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
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