We need reassurance, bruise on butt confirmation

[Reassuranceplease]

Short story. My gf got really drunk after losing the drinking game in a family wedding and woke up with a bruise on her butt. She was with her overprotective brothers, and is sure nothing happened to her. I told her that it looked like a handprint. For me it seemed a bit small and never seen a spank mark like that, she was with many family member in a loving culture, so I didnt think much of it.  She had a doctors appointment and brought photo of the bruise up, and asked if it was from spanking or falling. Spanking woudnt cause that mark, but she is still worried sick, since no one can confirm that she fell. That she even asked makes me worried too. 

[ ] 

Edited September 16, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed photo

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Reassuranceplease said:

. I told her that it looked like a handprint. 

Unfortunately anything can happen when someone gets drunk and not remember bumping into things, stumbling, falling, etc. The only thing odd about this is you coming to the conclusion that she was spanked.

[Jakobslander]

9 hours ago, Reassuranceplease said:

Short story. My gf got really drunk after losing the drinking game in a family wedding and woke up with a bruise on her butt. She was with her overprotective brothers, and is sure nothing happened to her. I told her that it looked like a handprint. For me it seemed a bit small and never seen a spank mark like that, she was with many family member in a loving culture, so I didnt think much of it.  She had a doctors appointment and brought photo of the bruise up, and asked if it was from spanking or falling. Spanking woudnt cause that mark, but she is still worried sick, since no one can confirm that she fell. That she even asked makes me worried too. 

[ ] 

You're here because you suspect something happened. Your gut is giving you trouble and you don't know what to do. So you've already taken the first step. Good on you!

That she is worried is also cause for concern. Not because I think she cheated mind you, but because these alcohol-induced amnesia events are the common excuse cheaters use to justify their mistake(s). You really have no clues as to what she did... your choices are 1) go on full detective mode, 2) take Imodium for the gut issues and Benadryl when your brain goes on overdrive in the middle of the night (IF it does) or 3) have an honest conversation with your girl. She will most likely allege she doesn't "remember" anything so you may just have to accept the fact that you just learned that you can't trust what your girl says, you can only trust what she does. Let her actions tell you everything you need know.

I know, it's a tough pill to swallow because you want to deposit 100% of your trust in your girl but, unfortunately, that twist in the plot is one we seldom learn about early on. Consider yourself lucky. EARS OPEN and MOUTH SHUT.     

Edited September 16, 2023 by Jakobslander

[mark clemson]

15 hours ago, Reassuranceplease said:

She was with her overprotective brothers, and is sure nothing happened to her. I told her that it looked like a handprint.

It sounds like she bumped her rear end, has a bruise, and that's the end of it. "Handprint" is probably open to a lot of interpretation with a bruise.

IF she's cheating on you (and I don't think you have much evidence to actually suggest that) - that's one thing. If she's cheating on you with her brothers, well, that's a whole different can of worms, isn't it.

If you're really so worried - couldn't you ask her brothers how the night went? Beyond that, I'd rest easy. Unless you actually think your GF practices incest, it sounds like you have nothing to worry about here.

Edited September 16, 2023 by mark clemson

[Alpacalia]

I don't get it. Why is she so worried even though nobody can confirm that she fell?

[MsJayne]

What's the implication here? Does she think she may have been assaulted? I would think that, no matter how drunk she was, if she'd been in some sort of altercation she'd have some vague memory of it, or someone else would. If she was at a wedding there would probably have been dancing, and if she had a stumble she wouldn't be the first person to fall over pissed on the connubial dance floor. I've certainly witnessed a few of those, the best ones are when it's the bride and there's legs akimbo in a sea of elegant white chiffon with the bridal knickers on display. Maybe just ask her brothers? 

[basil67]

What is she concerned about?   

If I've ever received a mystery drunken bruise, I just laugh it off..

[Mrin]

Hi there resident kinky deviant here. I have a decent amount of experience in impact BDSM play and copious amounts of experience dishing out some serious spankings. Unless your GF bruises easily, it is surprisingly difficult for an open handed spank to result in bruising. To get a bruise you have to spank repeatedly in the same spot and even then you'd notice welts long before the bruise.

To bruise without a ton of welting you really need to use something much more "thuddy" - especially if it is the size to be confused with a hand print. So we are talking like a closed fist, a knee or elbow, wooden paddle or a blunt object like a baton or bat. 

I would say it's far more likely that she simply fell or bumped into a solid object with some degree of force. 

Hope this helps ease your worries.

Mrin

[basil67]

20 minutes ago, Mrin said:

To bruise without a ton of welting you really need to use something much more "thuddy" - especially if it is the size to be confused with a hand print. So we are talking like a closed fist, a knee or elbow, wooden paddle or a blunt object like a baton or bat. 

Yep.  The only significant bruise I've ever had on my rear end was from slipping on ice repeatedly

[Reassuranceplease]

1 hour ago, Mrin said:

Hi there resident kinky deviant here. I have a decent amount of experience in impact BDSM play and copious amounts of experience dishing out some serious spankings. Unless your GF bruises easily, it is surprisingly difficult for an open handed spank to result in bruising. To get a bruise you have to spank repeatedly in the same spot and even then you'd notice welts long before the bruise.

To bruise without a ton of welting you really need to use something much more "thuddy" - especially if it is the size to be confused with a hand print. So we are talking like a closed fist, a knee or elbow, wooden paddle or a blunt object like a baton or bat. 

I would say it's far more likely that she simply fell or bumped into a solid object with some degree of force. 

Hope this helps ease your worries.

Mrin

 

Hi. We are looking at the photos again. It has a lot of welts, we didnt know the diifference  The photo the day after everything looks a bit welts-ish, it even looks more welts-ish on one side. The horse shoe looks purple-ish, On the the second one,  it has calmed down, but the barely visible side welts are more visible than day 1 from what I can see. The horseshoe gets more blueish

Is there any way you can take a look at the photo?

gonna post the whole story for context. 

About a month ago, my girlfriend attended a wedding I couldnt attend too. The day after, she noticed a bruise on her left buttock. She sent me a snap “cant remember falling yesterday”. She thought it might have been a mosquito bite, despite her known allergy to mosquito bites. During that period, she had several bruises and mosquito bites. Looked a weird, like a a horse shoe. I didnt think more of it. 

Last weekend, at a pre-party, a guy (Mikes best friend) made an unusual comment to her, saying, "Imagine that your brother was the link between you and Mike." Puzzled, she asked him, "What do you mean?" He replied, "Just that you met," . My girlfriend was shocked and upset. When I asked her if something had happened between them, she said no.

(Sidenote, it was the same guy from the wedding photo album we watched together when she got back, taken in.the photo wall corner, There is a photo where she is with her sister and leaning forward, then a photo where Mike gets in the picture, and pretends to do her doggy style with his hand. (just the same pose as with her sister, kinda looks like he just jumped in. 

She later confided in me that Mike had shown interest in her, but nothing had ever occurred between them. A day later, I took a closer look at the photos of the bruise she had sent me earlier. I told her that it had been bothering me, as it didn't appear to be from a mosquito bite, and I asked if she had fallen. She assured me it was from scratching a mosquito bite and had been itchy all around it. 

She told me she loved me and insisted that nothing had happened between her and Mike. I reassured her that everything was fine. but she couldn't let it go. She was still thinking about it and she asked her brother (who is aslo Mikes best friend) why he would make such a comment. He dismissed it as the guys joking and bragging, but my girlfriend continued to worry.

She visited the doctor for an extended sick note but also sought the doctor's opinion about the bruise.(she showed it over webcam).  She asked if it could have been caused by spanking, falling, or scratching. The doctor's opinion was that it didn't appear to be from a spank mark. I told her she didn't need to prove anything and that and I believed her, but she wanted to eliminate any doubt for her own peace of mind. Even if i started to get worried, I told her that was a good thing, and we agreed to not think more about it, sometimes its possible to fall when youre drunk. 

But she called me yesterday and was sad. She had called two relatives to confirm that she fell. Her friend was not sure but it might have happened. GF gets more worried. We looked the photos again, and it kinda looks like a oval horse shoe, kinda oval, but top looks like similar to skin colored multiple finger tips. Lets imagine an ass grab/cupped hand spank, but looks a bit small maybe, and ive never seen a spank mark like that. It looks Rashy, or hives. She even reached out to the guy on Snapchat to inquire if he was left-handed, which he confirmed. Her anxiety continued to grow, despite my reassurances. He would be insane to do anything with so many people around, you probably just bumped. She said he he had a hotel room across the street, and she knows that because dropped her brother off to hang out with him the day before (she told me that day). She confronted him on snap, asked if he remembered hooking up. he answer no, not what i can remember. She asked him the bruise you gave me, and said lol, haha i wish. She then asked why his friend at the pre-party would say so. He answered, maybe because we did? Im joking, i cant remember, but if we did, scooore. 

I dont want to be guillable and we dont want to jump to conclusions, after all she does get bruised easily and a bit similar I am 100% sure her brother would let it happen or accept if a friend touched her, and that she would do it if not drugged/blacked out, crowded place. 

We want to make sure someone wasnt taking advantage, so I want to ask you if you have any experience with that type of bruise, and what can I do to calm down the situation?

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Reassuranceplease

[basil67]

You say it looked like rash or hives.  She told you that it was mosquito bites and it was previously itchy.  The doctor didn't think it looked like a hand print

Does she have problems with anxiety?  Because this sounds like it's really being overthought.  

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by basil67

[Reassuranceplease]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

You say it looked like rash or hives.  She told you that it was mosquito bites and it was previously itchy.   And for what it's worth, I've had a horseshoe shaped bruise on each thigh, the perfect spacing of fingertips.  I gave them to myself each time I was bearing down, while pushing a baby out.  It takes a lot of really intense grabbing, over a sustained period, in the same place to make bruises like that.  

Does she have problems with anxiety?  Because this sounds like it's really being overthought.  

Im really tired, so sorry if things are not in perfect order. 
The doctor said spanking wouldnt make a mark, what it looked like was never mentioned. 
For me it looks like the shape and angle is what it would have been if i spanked-grabbed her ass from behind doggy style or bent over, but I never made her bruise, and I am not left-handed. She had a long dress on her with a left cut? but that is in front, so mosquito inside a building downtown under the dress and on her buttom (bent over spank location). I showed to photo to my doctor, and he said that she could have felled or bumped into something hard, but he would not exclude spanking (She said I could, but I didnt say I went). 

There are 17 red flags about that evening that day and talking about it after that made me think that she could have cheated, and I caught her lying two times. When she wants to talk about it again, I say I dont want to and we are fine, she asks if she can explain, the story and timeline changes or new info pops up, but I think her mental state are many of the flags and different explanations. 

 Anxiety:
Yes. She has a lot of issues this year, dont like her current city and feels that she doesnt belong, even though half her family lives there.

But I feel her anxiety is about me and losing me since we live in to different cities. I am also her first boyfriend. 8 years ago, we hung out a lot and she really liked me. I liked her too, but I didnt make a move. She thought I didnt like her, but has always been hopeful when she knew I was single and gotten sad/disapointed?. She is moving back to my city where we are from, but for me. She seems a bit obsessed sometimes. 

I asked her if she was afraid I would leave her if she cheated and dont/"dont" remember, and she said yes. I asked her if she would leave me if I cheated, and she would be hurt, but she wouldnt leave me. I told her that I wouldnt leave her, and I would still move in with her. I think the fear of losing me make her feel she has to prove nothing happened even though i tell her not to. Every time she tries to find proof, she calls me/tells me that says she fails. 
I was kinda sure she had cheated when we talked on monday/tuesday but at the same time couldnt believe it and she probably wouldnt tell me anyway if it happened. She noticed I got a bit mad and wanted to go to sleep. She said I know what your thinking, you think I cheated and I would get crazy and sad if it was opposite. I said we were fine, kissed her and said I was a bit mad about the photos because some of them were tasteless. I made her promise not to contact anyone or make a fuzz, we dont want people to get worried about us or that something has happened to you. We kiss and make up, told her to relax and that everything is and is gonna be ok between us. I asked her the day after if she kept her promise, I knew she had sent by the look of her face. She said sorry, I dont want you to leave me and I want to show you.  She had sent 3 or 4 different people crazy long messages while I was sleeping which will make people worried. Rest is mentioned earlier about calls, doctor, etc. I showed to photo to my doctor, and he said that he would definetly not exclude spanking. 
Again Ive been totally cool about it and said we are fine many times, laughed etc, everthing seems normal, but she continues even after I said yes to moving in with her when she comes back. Either she has realized she doesnt remember everything and something could have happened, trying to find something convincing so she gets away with it, or nothing happened but its just insane fear because she realized how bad it looks. 
 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Reassuranceplease

[basil67]

For the record, I'd had a horseshoe of fingerprints as bruises.  Two of them as it so happened...one on each thigh. I gave them to myself over the space of about an hour while bearing down during childbirth.  Now, I bruise easily, but I've never had anything like this before or since during regular life or sex.  

And spanking isn't going to give a horseshoe of fingerprint bruises.  You've become so obsessed about this that you're no longer making sense.   I'm now wondering if you're the one who's giving her anxiety.  

All in all, you're never going to get a firm answer.  So you simply need to trust her and stop talking about it.....or dump her.  It's your choice. 

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by basil67

[Reassuranceplease]

36 minutes ago, basil67 said:

For the record, I'd had a horseshoe of fingerprints as bruises.  One on each thigh. I gave them to myself over about an hour while in the intense pain of bearing down during childbirth.  Now, I bruise easily, but I've never had anything like this before or since during regular life or sex.  

All in all, you're never going to get a firm answer.  So you simply need to trust her or dump her.  It's your choice.  Do you trust her?

After what you said, it made me think. If i do her in doggy style or bent over a bed, I would spank and grab at the same spot with fingers pointing the same direction and would have to reposition my fingers, thats the "fingershaped" hives and explains the hives outside the grab (middle, ring little finger reposition. I no longer believe nothing happened that day. 

 

I kinda feel sad, but at the same time I cant understand why she would do all this to prove things, and why be so stupid to snapchat it and "cant remember that I fell", we werent gonna see each other in another two weeks?

And she got it by scratching to hard and much if she had known what happened.  She could have lied and said her cousin had to walk her outiside for air after she fell etc. She tries really hard without having too, and admits and admits she cant find answers, she even shows me things that is making things worse, summarizes reasons why it looks like she cheated. The way she wrote to her brother.

Is there any way I can confirm the photo from you or Mrin? I dont want to waste something good if its just my imagination, even though my gut feeling makes me sick right now 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Reassuranceplease

[Reassuranceplease]

Too late edit:

The zoomed in bruise*.  I am exhausted of this and it is making people worried and I am loosing sleep. It would really, really help if you had seen something similar.  

[basil67]

You're not listening.  As per discussion with both Mrin and myself, regular grabbing of someone's rear end during sex isn't going to make this bruise pattern.  When I got that bruise pattern, this was me in a death grip on my own legs for an hour while coping with unbelievable levels of pain.  Not sex.  CHILDBIRTH.  

I don't know why you need to show us photos.  You've allegedly had TWO doctors look at them.  If they can't say for sure, neither can we.  And speculation from the internet solves nothing.

If this story is true and you don't believe us, just end it.  Sounds like the relationship has been ruined anyway,

Edited September 17, 2023 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, if you're this distressed, just break up with her. You very obviously don't trust her so it is pointless to continue the relationship. 

And I'm sorry but I don't think anyone here wants to see a photo of your girlfriend's backside. 

[Wiseman2]

Is this a distance situation? Why weren't you at the wedding/party? 

Unfortunately you don't seem to trust her. She supposedly already went to a doctor. Your attempt at forensics is a bit over the top and amateurish.

You don't trust her no matter how much she tries to explain, so why not rethink the relationship.

Plenty of people cheat without bruises so this wild goose chase and posting photos of your GFs rear on forums and the Internet almost sounds abusive and for the purposes of humiliation.

Especially offering to send pics of your GFs rear through PMs seems almost like you have another agenda here than trying to figure out cheating and marks on buttocks.

 

 

[Jakobslander]

5 hours ago, Reassuranceplease said:

She later confided in me that Mike had shown interest in her, but nothing had ever occurred between them. 

Please tell me you know this isn't most likely true right? 

[Els]

5 hours ago, Reassuranceplease said:

We looked the photos again, and it kinda looks like a oval horse shoe, kinda oval, but top looks like similar to skin colored multiple finger tips

H and I have a fair amount of, shall we say, experience in this regard. There is no way for a spanking bruise to leave fingerprints. There is no way to control the shape of bruising to that extent. Bruises just happen when the capillaries bleed under the skin, and the bruise pattern does not depend on the hit pattern. As @Mrin says, it's also surprisingly difficult to bruise from spanking.

I'm perplexed by the anxiety here. Is it really her that is worried, or is it actually you? If she is that worried, why is she playing "drinking games" in the first place?

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Reassuranceplease said:

 it would have been if i spanked-grabbed her ass from behind doggy style or bent over.

If you don't believe her story, it's better to just end things. You obviously don't trust her so dragging photos of her buttocks all over the place and posting them on the internet without her consent seems strange especially since most cheating doesn't involve leaving marks. The forensics are ridiculous.

You also speak about her in a quite derogatory fashion, so much so it makes me wonder if you're plastering pics of her buttocks everywhere as a form of revenge porn or just trying to find a platform for your fantasies.

Edited September 17, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Reassuranceplease]

She was playing drinking games because she never gets drunk and they find it boring. I showed it to the doctor without telling her, because her mental state is bad and wanted to figure it out before she does. I´m really afraid of what will happen if I leave her, especially if nothing happened. I dont think its good for her if she finds out she got taken advantage from with or without me in her life and the setting would be tragic 

It was never my intention to share for revenge. The last days I just start crying more and more and i am very distressed. I feel like a coward, but also im about to go insane, if I am not already. One of you are right, the relationship is ruined. 
How do I dump her safe? Tell her that I dont trust her? should i say something like If you cant remember what happened when your drunk and have to ask around, And if your brother´s best friend is ballsy enough to say you hooked up, you probably did? Or do I just say I cant get over what happened, and that i am not mentally ready for a relationship. Do I just tell her and lie the doctor said it was a fall too, but some other excuse. I dont know if what im typing even makes sense right now. 

 I relaly need advice to how to go from here. I love her, but this is to much for me😭  

Edited September 17, 2023 by Reassuranceplease

[ShyViolet]

It's a completely irrational the way you and your gf are obsessing over this.  It's a simple bruise on her butt.  I get bruises all the time (mostly on my legs) that I'm not sure how I got them.  She probably bumped into something when she was drunk.  Unless there is definitive proof that she cheated, let this go and stop obsessing over this.  Do you struggle with mental health issues of your own?  I think you should seek professional help to get control over your insecurity and anxiety.  This is not normal behavior.

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by ShyViolet

[Wiseman2]

30 minutes ago, Reassuranceplease said:

 that i am not mentally ready for a relationship. ....

This may be the most honest and kindest way to go about it. You are running around looking for forensic evidence that doesn't exist. She said she went to her own doctor. Please stop posting and showing her photos to everyone because of jealousy and your obsession with "doggy style" and supposed "spanking" marks. You don't trust her. She went to a doctor,if she were assaulted they would do an exam. 

Edited September 17, 2023 by Wiseman2

[princessaurora]

4 hours ago, Jakobslander said:

Please tell me you know this isn't most likely true right? 

It can easily be true if she's not attracted to him. Just because a guy likes a girl, doesn't mean she's going to like him back.