My boyfriend and I have finally split up

[Yellowrose91]

Hi all. I’ve posted on here a few times about my boyfriend. We have finally split up and he has blocked me on everything. I just feel I want to get this off my chest before trying to move on. My heart feels quite broken.

  
Basically, my boyfriend met a girl on a dating app before he met me. They became friends. I didn’t know about her, and he called me a few days ago saying he’s going to get a coffee with her.

I felt disrespected and we argued. I got pretty damn angry. At one point I told him to shut up which I know I shouldn’t have. He still went out with her and was convinced that he did nothing wrong.

We saw eachother a few days ago and he explained that I had done this to him before( basically about 3 months ago we had a big argument about something else). He said that what I did was not ok and he wants me to move on and date other men. He said he told his parents and best friend about what I did and reading in between the lines they hate me. His parents knew about the girl as when he met up with her at the time he told them. He also asked his friends girlfriend about the situation who told him she’d be ok if her boyfriend did this.

I was so upset, I asked him if he’d like to see a couples counsellor but he told me that they’d just see the situation from their view. He said he wants to make his own decisions in line with how he’s been raised.

He has blocked me on social media and he listens so much to his parents and says that they are best to go to advice for about everything, so I doubt he’ll ever speak to me again. I feel terrible to be honest. I did not mean to hurt him, I was just angry at the time. Surely he’d want to talk it through instead of breaking up with me straight away?? There’s no way I would not be mindful of his feelings after this event.

I miss him a lot. However I will admit I was very worried about his parents involvement in his life. When we had our final conversation, he bought up his parents opinion on the matter, and his voice changed- it sounded determined- as if to say this is it, my parents have had their say and this is final. His parents don’t even know me, they didn’t see all the nice acts I did for my boyfriend and how I cared about him. I feel I gave alot in the relationship. At this time he also informed me that he told them of a previous minor argument between us and asked their advice, when I’d previously asked him not to discuss our private business. 

I was seriously worrying about the day I got pregnant , or during the time of raising children. Since he believes parents advice is golden, would I even have a choice on how to raise my own children? Would he always have been feeding back to me about his parents advice? What if I wanted to do something different to his mothers suggestion? I honestly don’t know how he would have handled this situation.

Despite this I still miss him and I pretty much came to vent. Any input would be appreciated

[d0nnivain]

I am sorry that you are hurting but having this guy out of your life is a blessing.   Grieve your loss for a bit, through the end of  next weekend maybe but keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Fill your life with friends, working overtime or a side hustle, hobbies.  Be gentle with yourself.  Perhaps try to figure out why you liked this guy so much in light of how rotten he actually is.  You need to get better at both spotting & heeding the red flags  

[Gaeta]

This is a blessing in disguise.

It will hurt for a while and you will feel better and you'll be happy again, actually you will be happier.

Please do not try to contact him. Block him and his entire family. No one had respect for you as a grown up woman in this family anyway!! 

Heartbreaks pass, it's important you understand you will go through a period of emotional withdrawal but it will pass. Be strong!! This is for the best!

Edited September 18, 2023 by Gaeta

[Alpacalia]

I understand that you're struggling at the moment.

It's for the best. There was a lack of trust that you had for him and he felt that you were not listening to him. Your differences were too great. As for his parents, they have too much of an influence on him which is not good. It's good that he has broken off the relationship so that you do not have to deal with his parents.

He did not have to go meet the girl. He was not in the right either. He obviously wanted to make sure you were totally done with him.

Remember that you get to make your own decisions regarding your life and you need to be able to trust yourself to make the right decisions. You don't have to feel that your freedom or your decisions are being dictated by someone else, including your partner or his parents.

Better days are ahead.

Edited September 18, 2023 by Alpacalia

[stillafool]

Well, I remember when you came here about him going on a date with that girl for coffee and it sounded like he was going to see her more than once.  I don't care what his friends and family told him you were right to be angry with him.  Be glad this momma's boy is out of your life and that you stood up for yourself.  If you had ended up married to that guy your mother in law would be telling you what to feed your husband and kids for breakfast.  No thank you.

[ExpatInItaly]

One day you will be glad that this weirdo is out of your life. 

Seriously. He's strange and I could not imagine dating a man like this. Once you get pas the initial sting of being dumped, you will start to realize this was never going to last. He's too goofy and self-centred for a serious relationship. 

[Yellowrose91]

Thanks everyone. I miss him so much right now, your comments are making me feel better

[Lubecke]

It sounds like he had his mind made up before coming to you about it. He wasn’t looking for your permission, sounds like he was going to do this with that other girl anyway. 
 

you are definitely better off without him. And if he truly lets you go out of a misunderstanding, kind of should he indicative of where you stand with him, and it doesn’t look good.

 

i say grieve the relationship go NC and be with someone that will always consider your feelings before doing something that might hurt them. 

[stillafool]

OP, do you think he is now going to start dating that girl he met for coffee?  It's awfully funny that he went straight to break up after the coffee date.

[d0nnivain]

35 minutes ago, Yellowrose91 said:

Thanks everyone. I miss him so much right now, your comments are making me feel better

Glad you are starting to feel a bit better. 

Reframe what you wrote.  You miss having somebody, not necessarily him.  You want & deserve a good BF.  The absence of a loving supportive relationship in your life is upsetting.  He unfortunately was none of those things.   

When you heal, evaluate your potential suitors with a more critical eye.  Don't believe what you want to believe' look at them for who they are.  

[Herkamer63]

The dude sounded like he was already screwing around with this other woman for quite sometime. You can't control another person's feelings for someone, but they can, at least, have the decency to call off a current relationship before they go out with the other individual. Anytime if a bf or gf is using a dating app, though, to "find friends", ditch them because it's an indication they're clocking out of the relationship. Those apps were not designed to get people's group of friends to expand.

If you're looking to heal, stay single for awhile and don't look for another guy. Hit the gym, focus on your family and friends, get involved with new hobbies, make new friends. There's a lot you can do to truly feel like yourself again, but don't find a rebound. And keep focusing on what you need done. A good guy will come along the way and won't do what this guy did. Your first priority, however, must be YOU, and NOT FINDING A RELATIONSHIP. If you focus on finding a guy, the cycle will repeat itself. Hopefully this helps!