Is my boyfriend possessive or not?

[findingthetruth]

My boyfriend has a tendency to be "possessive" in the sense that he sometimes can get a bit insecure if I don't text him too much, etc. including when I spend some time with my grown kids. 

He says he thinks I'm paralyzed moving in with him b/c I feel stuck and he is willing to help me with the "challenges" of moving in including any issues with my kids once I move in with him.
He now says if we live together he would not be that way because he would feel more secure.
Should I believe him? I don't think he is lying to me but it seems weird that he cannot feel just as secure if we live together or not.

 

Edited September 18, 2023 by findingthetruth

[MsJayne]

Yes, any person who needs such frequent reassurance is possessive, and also also extremely needy and immature. If he doesn't respect the time you're spending with your kids that's a very worrying trait, and moving in with him could be a huge mistake. It sounds like he doesn't trust you and living with him wouldn't fix that, on the contrary you could be walking into an abusive situation. Do you know his history? 

[d0nnivain]

How long have you been together?  

 

You have grown kids so you two are clearly not silly teenagers.  Anybody who needs constant reassurance & is jealous of your kids is not a mature individual who will make a good partner.  If you move in with him, I suspect he will do more to drive a wedge between you & your kids.  

[findingthetruth]

not really other than he was married a long time before his ex kicked him out. I don't think he's had any other serious much less live in situations.

He claims if we lived together he has his own guy friends etc that he will be somewhat occupied with.

[findingthetruth]

been together over 2 years.

we do live a little bit of a distance apart so we primarily see each other on weekends - he wants to change that apparently so we are together all of the time.

[d0nnivain]

I am still seeing a man who can't be alone.  I don't see cohabitation being a positive for you.  

[stillafool]

28 minutes ago, findingthetruth said:

I feel stuck and he is willing to help me with the "challenges" of moving in including any issues with my kids once I move in with him.

Why do you need his help with your issues with your kids?  Can't their father help with that?

[Wiseman2]

55 minutes ago, findingthetruth said:

My boyfriend has a tendency to be "possessive" in the sense that he sometimes can get a bit insecure if I don't text him too much, etc. including when I spend some time with my grown kids. 

Unfortunately he keeps pushing this buying a house together issue that your adult children have repeatedly warned you about. Is this the same man?:

 

[Lisa]

Sorry folks, it's the hydra again