Wife seducing him back

[NAB]

He promised to divorce, he was never forever going to be with his wife., and he loved me.  That all changed for me on D-Day.  Turns out for the last couple months of our affair (6 months affair, 3 of them were not physical in the beginning), His wife became suspicious, and suddenly became super-wife to woo him back?  It worked.  Within 3 days he ended us, said he loves his wife, and I was a distraction ,a mistake.  I warned him he shouldn’t stay because of the kids, or by her phony niceness, cause it won’t last.  Next thing I know lovey dovey  pictures all over her social media, and him ignoring me, unless it’s mandatory from work to communicate with me.  
How can he suddenly love a wife he hated, and erase his supposedly “best friend and lover”.

Do betrayed seduce their husbands back, only to behave like before once she has him?

I feel confused and awful.  
 

[basil67]

If he went back that easily, then he never "hated" her.  

It's entirely possible that she has realised she was about to lose him and did all she could to fix the marriage.  If they care enough about each other, they will both keep working to make the marriage survive.  

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, NAB said:

 lovey dovey  pictures all over her social media, and him ignoring me, unless it’s mandatory from work to communicate with me.  

Do you work together? Try to be professional and polite. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

Are you still married also?:

 

[JTSW]

1 hour ago, NAB said:

How can he suddenly love a wife he hated, and erase his supposedly “best friend and lover”.

Because he never hated his wife, he always loved her.

He ditched you so easily because you were never important enough to him.

You were just his bit on the side.

I suggest you read more similar posts on here where it seems a common theme that MM lie to their mistress to keep them invested.

Edited September 20, 2023 by JTSW

[BaileyB]

To be fair, he never really left. So, your premise that she “seduced him back” is not entirely correct - he was never really yours to have…

He may have become distracted for a few months, offered a few false promises, but he is married and thus - not in a place where he is able to make any real promises to another woman. Perhaps she simply reminded him of that fact…

Next time, don’t believe the words of a man who is otherwise committed to another woman. As you have learned here, they are fickle. 

 

Edited September 20, 2023 by BaileyB

[JTSW]

Your previous post was how upset you were that your husband had cheated on you.

Now here you are, doing the exact same thing.

[MissBee]

A lot of people are emotionally immature and make decisions based on fickle emotions. Anyone who suddenly loves and suddenly hates is likely operating from an unstable emotional base. Someone could ask the same question in terms of how do you marry someone and say you love them and then in 6 months you're mysteriously madly in love with someone else and they're now your bestfriend and you just met them. 

Of course, it's more nuanced  than that. But I'm just saying that a lot of things like this boil down to a level of emotional immaturity and conflict avoidance hence things can often change so quickly and drastically. 

Edited September 20, 2023 by MissBee

[ExpatInItaly]

22 hours ago, NAB said:

How can he suddenly love a wife he hated, and erase his supposedly “best friend and lover”.

Because he never hated her, and you were never his best friend. 

He wants her more than he wants you. It's that simple. 

[stillafool]

Cheating MM lie so much that for all you know this too is a lie.  She may not be doing anything different.  He may have just grown bored with the affair and used his wife  as a means to end it with you.  If you were putting pressure on him in anyway; that is a real possibility.

[mark clemson]

On 9/20/2023 at 12:37 AM, NAB said:

 His wife became suspicious, and suddenly became super-wife to woo him back?  It worked. 

Assuming your story is true, I'd note the following -

Some significant percent of people in affairs would prefer to be in their marriage (and loyal within it) but are genuinely unhappy about some aspect of things. So, if the marriage can be improved to the point where they are happy again, they prefer to stay in it. The cheating is (for some) a step on their way out the door.

That's some folks. Even if things don't improve, there are others who apparently elect to stay if discovered. Ending a marriage is a big deal both emotionally and in practical terms and not everyone wants to deal with it.

Just IMO cheating tends to be for those who want the "benefits" of an EMR (and those can certainly be emotional ones, not just physical, and a sort of "salve" on issues in their marriage) but don't want to actually leave their marriage. For some that not actually leaving may be temporary and they plan/intend to leave but are "testing the waters" of new relationships, for others probably not, they want "fun" OR emotional support but with no intent to leave.

Even those who may genuinely want/intend to leave can sometimes change their minds, as happened in your case.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/20/2023 at 3:37 AM, NAB said:

His wife became suspicious, and suddenly became super-wife to woo him back?  It worked.  Within 3 days he ended us, said he loves his wife, and I was a distraction ,a mistake.

Are you the wife?

[stillafool]

So you're having your own emotional affair , but was complaining that your husband changed his password and may be at it again.  Why don't you come clean to your husband about your affair and you guys just have an open marriage or divorce?

[MsJayne]

On 9/20/2023 at 5:37 PM, NAB said:

He promised to divorce, he was never forever going to be with his wife., and he loved me.

So, if he'd told you the truth, "I'm bored in my marriage and want someone to whinge about my wife to, and it would be good if you'd be so kind as to have sex with me until I get bored with you too", would you have entered into an affair with him and kept it going? His story of the suspicious wife wooing him back are a load of horse s**t, that's how he gets rid of all his mistresses that start getting too possessive. I'm sorry you feel confused and awful, but if you get involved with married people you can expect a lot of that. If he's your senior at work I'd consider reporting him because it sounds like he spent three months grooming you. 

[cliche2023]

On 9/20/2023 at 12:37 AM, NAB said:

Said he loves his wife, and I was a distraction ,a mistake.  
 

I would actually believe him on this, it sucks, but at least he told you the truth and you definitely don’t want to go after someone that define you as a ‘mistake’. You deserve much more, so be strong and move on with your life. You shouldn’t care of whatever happens between him and his wife after this.. he’s been pretty clear so I would just try to forget him. Look at the bright side: at least this thing didn’t drag for years and you only ‘wasted’ a few months of your life. 
 

Edited September 24, 2023 by cliche2023

[heartwhole2]

I think we're all confused by how you went from being a BW giving advice on how cheaters aren't looking for anything serious in an affair partner to posting this.