Angel29 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 Last year at work a married man kept trying to get my attention. I was single and brushed it off as I don't date married men. I am in a relationship now. Today he came up to me at the end of the day and asked how I was. He said all day I looked engrossed. A bit weird he had been observing me. I was friendly with him but felt myself getting flustered. I think he is attractive because he is confident but would never do anything. I could see he was being awkward and getting flustered too dragging the conversation out. I know I will see him again but hate the fact now he probably realises I find him attractive. I hate getting flustered. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 OMG this exchange sounds excruciating! Look, if he was truly confident, he wouldn't get awkward and flustered. The confidence you thought you saw is is probably just bravado. Don't spend any time worrying about what he may think of you....He was so busy being weird and awkward that he would have been unable to get a read on you. Time to get this guy off that pedestal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 1 hour ago, Angel29 said: Today he came up to me at the end of the day and asked how I was. He said all day I looked engrossed. A bit weird he had been observing me How long have you been working there? Is he a coworker or in a supervisory position? Do you feel it's sexual harassment or his job to notice your work habits? Just be polite friendly and professional. He doesn't seem to be inappropriate or flirting. Are you happy with the man you're dating? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 1 hour ago, Angel29 said: Last year at work a married man kept trying to get my attention. I was single and brushed it off as I don't date married men. I am in a relationship now. Today he came up to me at the end of the day and asked how I was. He said all day I looked engrossed. A bit weird he had been observing me. I was friendly with him but felt myself getting flustered. I think he is attractive because he is confident but would never do anything. I could see he was being awkward and getting flustered too dragging the conversation out. I know I will see him again but hate the fact now he probably realises I find him attractive. I hate getting flustered. Okay so what is your question about this? You already know it would be wrong to let him know your feelings because nothing is going to happen. He's marred and not available. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 Yeah as of now he doesn't seem to be doing anything inappropriate. He isn't making unwanted or inappropriate advances on you at this time. It isn't uncommon for coworkers to become attracted to one another and some flirting to happen. Just be nice and don't give him any ideas that you are available. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel29 Posted September 20, 2023 Author Share Posted September 20, 2023 33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been working there? Is he a coworker or in a supervisory position? Do you feel it's sexual harassment or his job to notice your work habits? Just be polite friendly and professional. He doesn't seem to be inappropriate or flirting. Are you happy with the man you're dating? I love my man but his constant moaning about his lack of good health and income is putting me off. He won't stop smoking. Has processed drinks. I make my own money so don't need his. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 20, 2023 Share Posted September 20, 2023 18 minutes ago, Angel29 said: I love my man but He won't stop smoking. Has processed drinks. I make my own money so don't need his. Not sure what this has to do with your coworkers, but your relationship seems unhappy. Is this the same man?: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel29 Posted September 21, 2023 Author Share Posted September 21, 2023 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Not sure what this has to do with your coworkers, but your relationship seems unhappy. Is this the same man?: I am with the same man yes. I just wish I wasn't being paid attention at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 (edited) Don't worry that's all what makes us human. How was he trying to get your attention? Was he doing back flips behind you, was he giving you flowers? What I'm trying to say is, the fact he wants to talk to you could mean he enjoys talking to you that is all. If he is a good looking confident person and he says "hey, how are you doing? " does not mean he is coming on to you... he just wants to ask you how you are... * SHOCK HORROR * See how it works? Maybe you're paying a little more attention to this because you're unsatisfied in your current relationship. Either way, not a good idea. Keep your distance and you'll be just fine. Edited September 21, 2023 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 8 minutes ago, Angel29 said: I am with the same man yes. I just wish I wasn't being paid attention at work. Well unless he is making advances on you or making unwanted comments he isn't doing anything wrong. People look at each other all the time and unless he is doing some excessive staring nothing really wrong there either. Perhaps you having a job where you can shut yourself up in an office and be alone for the day would be a better fit for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 He would not be either the first nor the last married man looking for an affair. Tell him, no, you are not interested if he starts hinting things or does something inappropriate. Record everything. Report him to the company' higher ups if he doesn't take no for an answer. But so far, he hasn't done anything. I wonder if you are misreading the entire situation. People talk at work. Some are more outgoing and more friendly than others. Usually it means nothing. But he is not the problem. Right? This is about you not being happy with you BF. But that's fixable too once you reach the point of no return when had enough and leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 If you were happy in your current relationship you wouldn't be eyeing up other men, so do you think it would be smartest to deal with that issue before you go looking for a new man? Your married, (yep, married, taken, spoken for), colleague sounds predatory, and maybe that's why you get flustered, you're on the alert, like a mouse being sized up by a cat. He may be attractive, but the negatives of potentially accepting his advances should far outweigh any thrill you get. Don't be that silly girl in the office who gets involved with a married co-worker and ends up being labelled the Office Floozy and then has to leave her job. Maybe start keeping a diary of his attentions just in case it gets out of hand and you have to report it. It's a workplace, not a smorgasbord of potential mistresses for the office player. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 1 hour ago, Angel29 said: I am with the same man yes. I just wish I wasn't being paid attention at work. You haven't described anything which suggests he has interest in you. Is there something else happening? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 1 hour ago, Angel29 said: I am with the same man yes. I just wish I wasn't being paid attention at work. Perhaps your coworker appeals to you in contrast to your BF? Try to work out whatever is upsetting you about your BF. This way if a coworker is friendly, you won't be nervous thinking about the crush you have on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 5 hours ago, Angel29 said: I just wish I wasn't being paid attention at work. Then just shut it down politely but firmly if it happens again. You look engrossed? Great, maybe it’s because you’re doing your job.. you know, engaged in that thing you’re being paid for. Maybe he’d like to try doing the same some time. There are good looking people everywhere and it’s fine to admire. The real underlying problem is your lacklustre and depressing relationship. Why are you dating someone you don’t respect? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 9 hours ago, Angel29 said: I just wish I wasn't being paid attention at work. But he hasn't done anything inappropriate. Your brain is being inappropriate. Ask him to stop talking to you if it bothers you that much. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 12 hours ago, Sony12 said: Perhaps you having a job where you can shut yourself up in an office and be alone for the day would be a better fit for you? Or a job where you work from home so no one will pay attention to you. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 You don't have control over who pays attention to you. You have complete control over how you respond to it. It's easy to give people the brushoff. Do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 21, 2023 Share Posted September 21, 2023 Sometimes our feelings drive our imagination into making us see things that are not there. Link to post Share on other sites
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