An I okay to date other women she said in a text she isn't interesting in dating anyone back in January?

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

 if I don't text her while I'm away she would be double and triple texting me and when she next sees me she will probably demand an explanation. 

If you're going to play the field while seeing this woman regularly, you may have to answer to her inquiries about your disappearing. 

[ExpatInItaly]

Who pays for all these trips, OP? 

[petrolheadno1]

44 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Who pays for all these trips, OP? 

We go halves. 

[basil67]

8 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Is it important that she knows?

Of course it's important!  If you're going to do this, then ethically, they both need to know about each other so that they can make the right decision for themselves

You've said that woman #1 will blow up your phone wanting to know where you are, so yes, she needs to know.   And besides, this text you refer to is now 9 months old and she IS dating you.   And I still maintain that woman #2 needs to know that you are in some kind of relationship with the current one.  

Why are you staying with woman #1 when she's not meeting your needs anyway?  Will she ever meet your needs?  And when will that be?  Frankly, I feel like you've wasted far too much time on her already

Edited September 21, 2023 by basil67

[petrolheadno1]

35 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Of course it's important!  If you're going to do this, then ethically, they both need to know about each other so that they can make the right decision for themselves

You've said that woman #1 will blow up your phone wanting to know where you are, so yes, she needs to know.   And besides, this text you refer to is now 9 months old and she IS dating you.   And I still maintain that woman #2 needs to know that you are in some kind of relationship with the current one.  

Why are you staying with woman #1 when she's not meeting your needs anyway?  Will she ever meet your needs?  And when will that be?  Frankly, I feel like you've wasted far too much time on her already

There is potential for her to be the one. I need to spend time to assess this. 

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

There is potential for her to be the one. I need to spend time to assess this. 

Have you recognised that you're letting woman #1 walk all over you?  I get that some people don't want to rush into things, but this is getting ridiculous.  She's dangling you on a string and you're going along with it.  I really hate the word "simp" but honestly, it describes what you're doing.....and at this point, it seems like nothing is going to change anytime soon but you're still doing all the nice things in the hope that it will

Now, none of this gives you the right to go away with another woman for a weekend because you are clearly in some kind of relationship.  But it's just not a relationship which meets your needs.  

Have you ever spoken to her about your needs?  Does she have the capacity to understand your needs from a relationship?  Because at this point, EVERYTHING is happening on her terms.  

[JTSW]

10 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

There is potential for her to be the one. I need to spend time to assess this. 

That's not what this is.

You just want to go and have a dirty getaway with the other woman but you don't want the current woman to know about it.

The respectful thing to do is talk to her about it.

Chances are she will be furious but at least you will be honest with her.

I got a little mixed up with the timeline, because I thought those things she said were recent, but it was several months ago.

Allot has changed in that time.

You need to talk to her before you do anything and lose her completely.

[petrolheadno1]

12 minutes ago, JTSW said:

That's not what this is.

You just want to go and have a dirty getaway with the other woman but you don't want the current woman to know about it.

The respectful thing to do is talk to her about it.

Chances are she will be furious but at least you will be honest with her.

I got a little mixed up with the timeline, because I thought those things she said were recent, but it was several months ago.

Allot has changed in that time.

You need to talk to her before you do anything and lose her completely.

A lot of sources and articles from dating and pick up coaching companies say you need to have options which makes you more attractive and more alpha male and so you dont suffer from onetis and keeping options open. 

Edited September 22, 2023 by petrolheadno1
Add on info

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

 articles from dating and pick up coaching companies say you need to have options which makes you more attractive and more alpha male.

If you don't want to answer to your lady friend about going out with others, why not step up and say so?

Keep in mind that manoshere groups such as incels, MGTOW and PUA are hate groups, not "dating coaches".  It's simply rubbish to try to appeal to men who feel like losers in the dating world. You really don't need that to make good decisions about your dating life.

You don't have to be exclusive with anyone if you don't want to be so there's really no issue. Go and have fun and let the chips fall wherever. If your lady friend dumps you for being incommunicado, then so be it.

[JTSW]

13 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

A lot of sources and articles from dating and pick up coaching companies say you need to have options which makes you more attractive and more alpha male and so you dont suffer from onetis and keeping options open. 

That's a load of crap.

Men dating and sleeping around with multiple women at the same time does NOT make then look attractive.

It makes them look like a player.

Trust me, if you want to keep current woman in your life, don't go to Cornwall with the other woman.

If you insist on going to Cornwall then you need to be honest with current woman about your intentions.

[petrolheadno1]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you don't want to answer to your lady friend about going out with others, why not step up and say so?

Keep in mind that manoshere groups such as incels, MGTOW and PUA are hate groups, not "dating coaches".  It's simply rubbish to try to appeal to men who feel like losers in the dating world. You really don't need that to make good decisions about your dating life.

You don't have to be exclusive with anyone if you don't want to be so there's really no issue. Go and have fun and let the chips fall wherever. If your lady friend dumps you for being incommunicado, then so be it.

Hmmm, you reckon, I used to follow a lot of them back in 2013 like daygame coaches where you approach during the daytime. It helped me build my confidence with women and I sent from getting one date with a woman in a year to at some point having 2 to 3 dates in a week with women. So it did help me to connect with women better and get more dates and stuff. Before 2013 I was clueless with how to talk to women, I used to get constant rejections and at one point I was thinking of taking my own life. But I transformed after following some of their courses on how to approach women, lead, qualify. So their content did help me significantly. I thought I'd never get girls before 2013, but that changed, 

[d0nnivain]

3 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

A lot of sources and articles from dating and pick up coaching companies say you need to have options which makes you more attractive and more alpha male and so you dont suffer from onetis and keeping options open. 

That PUA BS is bunk.  Stop listing to it.   Cheating is not sexy.  

[petrolheadno1]

1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

That PUA BS is bunk.  Stop listing to it.   Cheating is not sexy.  

I know some non-PUA that have their main chick and then have some side tings. Whats your thoughts on them?

[d0nnivain]

Anybody who uses that language "chick" & "side" or who has that mindset isn't worth my time.  I prefer honest, reliable men of integrity.  

[petrolheadno1]

15 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Anybody who uses that language "chick" & "side" or who has that mindset isn't worth my time.  I prefer honest, reliable men of integrity.  

Sorry this is because of the area I grew up in. Im from da endz you get me fam. Dis is da lingo you get me. 

Edited September 22, 2023 by petrolheadno1
Add on info

[SoulCat]

4 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

A lot of sources and articles from dating and pick up coaching companies say you need to have options which makes you more attractive and more alpha male and so you dont suffer from onetis and keeping options open. 

Ugh, sweet summer child... Do yourself a huge favour and stop listening to the PUA crew and their assorted claptrap. 
They just want your likes, your follows, your clicks and your money.

They generally have a very juvenile,  misogynistic slant to them, as evidenced by your vocabulary (e.g. 'smash', 'wanna link') and your attitude to these women who you are dating.

Behaving like a Grade A a-hole is not going to magically turn you into an 'alpha male', all it's turning you into right now is yet another entitled, misogynistic pr*ck.
We already have enough of those, thanks.

You are in the latter part of your 30s. Start behaving like it. 
Be honest and upfront with all the women you date, but in this particular situation, be honest with the Chinees lady.
Tell her that you are considering going away for a weekend to Cornwall with another women.
You don't need to ask her permission, as such, but if gives her the opportunity to decide for herself if this is an acceptable situation for her to be in.
After having spent so much time and having taken so many (city) breaks with her, you owe her that much. It's basic, basic respect for another human being.

Don't be a coward and lie, or lie by omission, or ghost her for a while to go on a dirty weekend with someone else without her 'being any the wiser'.
That's scuzzy, immature, entitled and low grade behaviour. 

Going forward, stop trying to be something or someone you are not, e.g. this alpha male nonsense.
Women generally really do not care about that, especially if it means being treated as some sort of plaything. 
They care about being treated with care, respect and honesty. 

Time to grow up & be a man, fella.
A good man.

Edited September 22, 2023 by SoulCat

[JTSW]

21 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

I know some non-PUA that have their main chick and then have some side tings. Whats your thoughts on them?

Disgusting.

No other way to describe them.

Cheating is never good.

You'll end up with a reputation.

[petrolheadno1]

Hey guys another thing I forgot to mention is one time in February/March she also said she may move to Japan to work and she said to me "Then I will be saying bye bye to you". Does this not signal disinterest in addition to her telling me she isn't interested in dating anyone. 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

. Does this not signal disinterest in addition to her telling me she isn't interested in dating anyone. 

Yes. She seems uninterested. So why be text tethered to her? Set yourself free to date whoever you want. You don't have to pretend you're cheating on someone who doesn't care anyway. 

[stillafool]

6 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Hey guys another thing I forgot to mention is one time in February/March she also said she may move to Japan to work and she said to me "Then I will be saying bye bye to you". Does this not signal disinterest in addition to her telling me she isn't interested in dating anyone. 

It definitely signals disinterest.

[basil67]

7 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Hey guys another thing I forgot to mention is one time in February/March she also said she may move to Japan to work and she said to me "Then I will be saying bye bye to you". Does this not signal disinterest in addition to her telling me she isn't interested in dating anyone. 

Yes, it signals disinterest.  So do the right thing and end things with her before doing stuff with someone else

[JTSW]

19 hours ago, petrolheadno1 said:

Hey guys another thing I forgot to mention is one time in February/March she also said she may move to Japan to work and she said to me "Then I will be saying bye bye to you". Does this not signal disinterest in addition to her telling me she isn't interested in dating anyone. 

This was said several months ago, it clearly doesn't apply anymore.

She's still here with you so she clearly changed her mind.

You are just looking for any excuse possible so you can go and sleep with another woman.

If you want current woman to stay in your life, don't go to Cornwall.

If you are hell bent on sleeping with this other woman then you have to be 100% honest with current woman.

 

[basil67]

On 9/21/2023 at 7:17 PM, petrolheadno1 said:

No so I used to date an older woman (yes I had a mistress lol). and she has asked to go to Cornwall with me next week.

So are you in Cornwell with this other lady now? 

[petrolheadno1]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

So are you in Cornwell with this other lady now? 

I have booked separate beds and have set firm boundaries I.e no touching, no naughties etc and told her about woman 1 and we are going as mates only and nothing else. Iv also booked activities involving other people. 

[basil67]

59 minutes ago, petrolheadno1 said:

I have booked separate beds and have set firm boundaries I.e no touching, no naughties etc and told her about woman 1 and we are going as mates only and nothing else. Iv also booked activities involving other people. 

Have you told woman 1 where you are and what you're doing?