How do I overcome the complications of dating and avoid drama?

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

I would never get serious with someone without having sex as how are you going to know if you’re compatible long term?

You’re testing women for sexual compatibility while multi-dating?

Dude, this is manipulative.

What right do you have to accuse that woman of anything? All I can say is that I’m glad that her instincts didn’t betray her and she refused to have sex with you because she felt you weren’t exclusive with her and were just coldly testing her.

[Lamron300]

On 5/24/2024 at 5:56 PM, Gebidozo said:

You’re testing women for sexual compatibility while multi-dating?

Dude, this is manipulative.

What right do you have to accuse that woman of anything? All I can say is that I’m glad that her instincts didn’t betray her and she refused to have sex with you because she felt you weren’t exclusive with her and were just coldly testing her.

Stop putting words into my mouth. I did not say I’m testing people for sexual compatibility. I go ahead and date and see what happens, but usually, organically intimacy happens. Then at that point all elements are considered.
 

For example, I’ve been with women who ONLY wanted sex, so even a small joke about visiting a  town together, was met with ‘that sounds too relationshipy’. So I wouldn’t get into something like that again. But I also wouldn’t wait around for someone after 15 dates. You are turning the situation into something it isn’t. First time she came round she was wearing racy lingerie and said sorry I wanted to seduce you but I’m sick today. Second time she didn’t have an excuse.

Saying she refused is acting like she said no after I asked. She would talk about sex more than me on text and then in real life, nothing. Stop acting like she dodged a bullet with me. Most people would agree 15 dates is way too much to stick around. And I know why she wa like that because she is insecure. Just the things she said (at 34 years old). “Going to a boys house for the first time is a big deal isn’t :)” “what if you don’t like me naked”. 

I’m dating people now who I am more compatible with and don’t have to second guess. It’s a much better place to be in and underscores the fact I wasted 3 months with her. 

[Gebidozo]

15 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

I go ahead and date and see what happens

You are multi-dating and still expect women to sleep with you while you’re doing that.

If you can’t understand what’s wrong with that, then we can only hope that all the women you multi-date in the future will be as smart as this one and refuse to have sex with you while you’re at it.

15 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

Second time she didn’t have an excuse.

Pardon me? Women now need excuses for not sleeping with you? What are you, an Ottoman sultan visiting a harem?

 

Edited May 29 by Gebidozo

[Gebidozo]

16 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

And I know why she wa like that because she is insecure. Just the things she said (at 34 years old). “Going to a boys house for the first time is a big deal isn’t :)” “what if you don’t like me naked”. 

Nah, she just saw through you, felt that you were multi-dating behind her back. 

And the things she said are kinda cute. She seems like a nice girl. And she did dodge a bullet with you.

[Lamron300]

3 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

You are multi-dating and still expect women to sleep with you while you’re doing that.

If you can’t understand what’s wrong with that, then we can only hope that all the women you multi-date in the future will be as smart as this one and refuse to have sex with you while you’re at it.

Pardon me? Women now need excuses for not sleeping with you? What are you, an Ottoman sultan visiting a harem?

 

Why would I not be multi-dating when I’ve just met someone? I used to rile myself up and worry, ahh what if she’s dating someone else etc, how many people is she speaking to? At the end of the day, it’s a cold hard world. Nobody owes me anything and I don’t owe them anything. If we have a conversation about exclusivity if things go well, then at the point things can be assessed. If I wasn’t multi-dating I would’ve continued dating people who weren’t suitable for me. I used to think I’m right and righteous and they’re wrong. It isn’t that black and white. I just don’t suit certain people and they would get along better with someone else.

No, women don’t need an excuse. She had been talking about intimacy and making racy jokes and we both knew or were aligned with what spending the night meant. I’d rather not talk about it and say you want this and that and then when the situation arises you’re different. Even we had had sex it doesn’t mean I would be in a relationship with her. 
 

 

[Lamron300]

3 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Nah, she just saw through you, felt that you were multi-dating behind her back. 

And the things she said are kinda cute. She seems like a nice girl. And she did dodge a bullet with you.

If she saw through me why did she want to book a holiday with me? And book tickets for cinema in July? I’m the one who put an end to things. You seem very defensive on this? You’re not the one who was dating her or had to date her. If you would prefer to date someone for 3 months with no intimacy, that’s your perogative. I’m not waiting around. 

[FredEire]

At this point it seems you're just trying to prove a point about OLD and multi-dating. At the end of the day you do you, if it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't.

Some people find dating multiple people was the route into a good relationship, other people find it abhorrent and stay well away from it. Different strokes for different folks.

At the end of the day there's no objective "right" or "wrong", just what works for the individual person. As long as you are being fair open and honest with the people you're seeing I think anything is ok.

If some person's into some freaky stuff like golden showers while eating a bunch of grapes then I say cool whatever, as long as they're  clear with their partners that that's what they're after.

Edited May 29 by FredEire

[Lamron300]

6 minutes ago, FredEire said:

At this point it seems you're just trying to prove a point about OLD and multi-dating. At the end of the day you do you, if it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't.

Some people find dating multiple people was the route into a good relationship, other people find it abhorrent and stay well away from it. Different strokes for different folks.

At the end of the day there's no objective "right" or "wrong", just what works for the individual person. As long as you are being fair open and honest with the people you're seeing I think anything is ok.

If some person's into some freaky stuff like golden showers while eating a bunch of grapes then I say cool whatever, as long as they're  clear with their partners that that's what they're after.

Well some people seem to have an issue with my conduct, even though I am being fair. My biggest flaw is not walking away from things sooner. For example, one of the women I was talking to/dating is from a repressed strict family. I am someone who regrettably has a lot of experience in dating, as I haven’t found a suitable partner. We aren’t compatible and I find her aloof (90 mins late for first date etc). I saw we weren’t compatible and stopped speaking to her. Which is my right, like she could have done the same. 
 

I do have a big problem with OLD, which is where a lot of these issues are from. Honestly, I only signed up to OLD to meet local people, go on dates and see where it goes if we have common interests. Rarely does that happen. I am always honest with my intentions, some people aren’t honest with themselves. For example, the reason I don’t date women with kids is they’re justifiably busy. I tried a few times to arrange dates and they could never find time. Soul searching would question if you have time for a relationship or nature or relationship you are seeking. I’m taking about not having time in 4/5 weeks for a 1 hour coffee date. I don’t date people just out of relationships or people who don’t take care of their bodies etc. I’m at the stage of OLD burnout, mostly negative experiences. 
 

The woman I am dating at the moment, yes things are going well, but I don’t truly know her? 5 dates is nothing in the grand scheme of things. 

The reason I get so annoyed is I genuinely think what I want is simple and makes so much sense. Let’s meet, let’s see if we get along and have common interests, don’t speak about any labels till we know each other and if things develop great. I don’t hold onto the past (although it’s a good guide of what to avoid), I don’t say things I don’t mean and I don’t want anyone to do things because they think I’d like it not because they want to. 

[NuevoYorko]

On 5/24/2024 at 7:37 AM, Lamron300 said:

I didn’t hope to take any advantage of her serious intentions. I would never get serious with someone without having sex as how are you going to know if you’re compatible long term?

That's your prerogative.   I don't think it's "normal."  I believe that many  quality people reserve sex for committed relationships, and you are missing out on every one of these people.  Again your choice.   You will only be getting close to women who are fine with you having multiple sex partners at the same time as having sex with them, and who also are free to do the same.  That's a specific population.  Not "bad," but pretty much excludes monogamous types.  

Often people who are having sex with multiple people are not good relationship prospects.  For me they would never be - since I got out of my partying stage of life in my 20's anyway.  Back then, people would fall into bed with each other willy nilly and sometimes it would stick - other times, not.  Those days are long gone.  Not interested in having relationships with people who are into that.  Sexually playing  belongs in a different phase of life than dating with a goal of being in a long term, loving, trusting, sustainable relationship - if you're monogamous anyway.

In my case, and the woman I am with, and my ex wife, and other women I have dated seriously  in my mature years - exclusivity 100% has been established before sex.   "Exclusivity" did not mean we were engaged or ready to move in together.  It simply meant that neither of us were sexually active with any other people.  If we turned out to be sexually incompatible, or incompatible in other important ways, we would move on.  But, always both parties have been aware that we were only having sex with each other.   

Heck.  Dude - a LOT of people - maybe even the majority - who are in a very casual FWB relationship are sexually exclusive with that one person.  Sexually transmitted diseases are real.   

Anyway, you do you.  Just stick with women who have the same mindset.  It's pretty low to label a woman "a platonic dater" or some other insulting term because she is not going to share sexual intimacy with a man who is open to banging any woman he goes out with.   She's not a "platonic dater," she's simply incompatible with you because she approaches relationships differently.

 

 

[Lamron300]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

That's your prerogative.   I don't think it's "normal."  I believe that many  quality people reserve sex for committed relationships, and you are missing out on every one of these people.  Again your choice.   You will only be getting close to women who are fine with you having multiple sex partners at the same time as having sex with them, and who also are free to do the same.  That's a specific population.  Not "bad," but pretty much excludes monogamous types.  

Often people who are having sex with multiple people are not good relationship prospects.  For me they would never be - since I got out of my partying stage of life in my 20's anyway.  Back then, people would fall into bed with each other willy nilly and sometimes it would stick - other times, not.  Those days are long gone.  Not interested in having relationships with people who are into that.  Sexually playing  belongs in a different phase of life than dating with a goal of being in a long term, loving, trusting, sustainable relationship - if you're monogamous anyway.

In my case, and the woman I am with, and my ex wife, and other women I have dated seriously  in my mature years - exclusivity 100% has been established before sex.   "Exclusivity" did not mean we were engaged or ready to move in together.  It simply meant that neither of us were sexually active with any other people.  If we turned out to be sexually incompatible, or incompatible in other important ways, we would move on.  But, always both parties have been aware that we were only having sex with each other.   

Heck.  Dude - a LOT of people - maybe even the majority - who are in a very casual FWB relationship are sexually exclusive with that one person.  Sexually transmitted diseases are real.   

Anyway, you do you.  Just stick with women who have the same mindset.  It's pretty low to label a woman "a platonic dater" or some other insulting term because she is not going to share sexual intimacy with a man who is open to banging any woman he goes out with.   She's not a "platonic dater," she's simply incompatible with you because she approaches relationships differently.

 

 

I am not open to banging any woman I go out with. We have to get along very well for it to get to that stage. I think we have different perspective on what is a quality match/person.

If I’m not having sex with someone, who I am having sex with isn’t of their concern and vice versa. I wouldn’t carry on with multiple sex partners at one time (what is the benefit in time or intention?). Though it’s my right to cut someone off if I feel more romantically involved with someone else.  I never told her I was exclusive with her and I never would have been until I felt there was a deeper attraction. Due to her saying one thing and doing the other I couldn’t imagine anything physical with her then in my mind I became indifferent to her. There are millions of women out there, I’m not going to bend over backwards for one person. I made my intentions clear and she accepted that, if she was of a different opinion she should’ve walked away first. 

 She works in London, I don’t. Me getting in to London after work for dinner dates at 6.30pm is very inconvenient. Which I let her know. But still managed to go on 12/13. Rightly I got sick of it and cut it short. She was satisfied in the the courtship by platonic things, hence she is a platonic dater. Not really insulting, it’s just a fact. Some people aren’t bothered by intimacy and just want company. We met on a dating app though, not a friendship app. 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

If I’m not having sex with someone, who I am having sex with isn’t of their concern

You're not the boss of their feelings.  If it concerns them, then it concerns them.

 

[NuevoYorko]

13 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

I am not open to banging any woman I go out with. We have to get along very well for it to get to that stage. I think we have different perspective on what is a quality match/person.

Well ... whatever you're doing sure doesn't seem to be yielding the results you've been hoping for.  

 

[NuevoYorko]

Are you aware that it's your convoluted, strangely controlling approach that is causing the complications and drama in your dating life?   You're certainly narrowing your dating pool to one consisting of women with problems, especially self low self esteem.  This might seem appealing to you in some ways because such women often won't assert themselves and you'll be able to have things your way, but there will be relationship problems. 

[mark clemson]

On 5/29/2024 at 4:41 AM, Lamron300 said:

My biggest flaw is not walking away from things sooner.

I think you may be right.

Apologies if I'm beating a dead horse here, but thinking back to my dating days, I do feel like if I've been dating someone 3 months, I missed the window to either commit or drop her. I'd say if after 1 month we haven't had sex and become "serious" then it's not working out and I should move on. 

A girl I've known and am doing things together with (but not sleeping with) at 2 months is a friend, NOT a GF, and not a "platonic dater" except to the extent I'm allowing that to happen. Yes it's possible to move from "friend" to GF/lover, but really shouldn't e.g. be buying this person dinner, paying for them to go on trips, etc.

Thing's "didn't happen" - did you make a move on her? Maybe you need a bit of work in that area too (or maybe not and it's just this woman specifically)? I know as an attractive guy sometimes we get used to the woman making the move on us and can sometimes get awkward doing it ourself.

[NuevoYorko]

On 5/29/2024 at 3:43 AM, Lamron300 said:

If she saw through me why did she want to book a holiday with me? And book tickets for cinema in July? I’m the one who put an end to things. 

I don't think she "saw through" you.  She probably thought that the relationship was headed in a direction and that the "exclusivity talk" was coming at any moment and then her racy lingerie etc. would finally be put to use.  I actually think that she *liked* you quite a bit and was hoping that you were feeling the same way.   

But when you said your fine sexy lines like "ride me like a bull" etc. she would be getting a vibe that maybe you were going to "pump and dump."  So ... "platonic dating" carried on and on.

Still, it was all your responsibility.  Clearly she wasn't jumping your bones, she isn't that type of girl, and probably she wanted to know the guy wanted HER at the time she gave herself sexually, which is not the type of guy YOU are.  So you might as well have dumped her a lot earlier.

[Lamron300]

On 5/30/2024 at 7:41 AM, NuevoYorko said:

Well ... whatever you're doing sure doesn't seem to be yielding the results you've been hoping for.  

 

The results I am looking for is to avoid wasting my time. I have accepted it is unlikely to meet one person on OLD and a happy ever after. I am ending things sooner or avoiding things altogether now when I see things I don't like. 

[Lamron300]

On 5/30/2024 at 5:46 PM, mark clemson said:

I think you may be right.

Apologies if I'm beating a dead horse here, but thinking back to my dating days, I do feel like if I've been dating someone 3 months, I missed the window to either commit or drop her. I'd say if after 1 month we haven't had sex and become "serious" then it's not working out and I should move on. 

A girl I've known and am doing things together with (but not sleeping with) at 2 months is a friend, NOT a GF, and not a "platonic dater" except to the extent I'm allowing that to happen. Yes it's possible to move from "friend" to GF/lover, but really shouldn't e.g. be buying this person dinner, paying for them to go on trips, etc.

Thing's "didn't happen" - did you make a move on her? Maybe you need a bit of work in that area too (or maybe not and it's just this woman specifically)? I know as an attractive guy sometimes we get used to the woman making the move on us and can sometimes get awkward doing it ourself.

Dating consists of a lot of things, not just dog walks, dinners and trips and holding hands and kissing. I didn't feel satisfied or any electricity between us. For what she wanted from me, it was not enough. Even from a practical point of view, If I have plenty of food in the fridge at home, I don't want to be going to dinner after dinner, especially when I have my dogs at home, waiting. If I'm on good terms with you, we can transition to visiting each others houses regularly. I didn't want to voice this concern to her as I didn't know how to put it and I do enjoy doing different things and trying new good, but at the same time, it isn't moving the relationship forward.

I made a move on her many times and we talked about it a lot, but when we were in bed and I was caressing her, she was kind of obvious. I didn't actually have to break things off with her, the last time I saw her she came to my house, nothing happened and she was going on holiday for two weeks. I stopped talking to her and she never tried to initiate contact again, so I guess mutually we understood things had run its course. She knows why and I know why.  

It is OLD problem, like I matched with a woman and she has a kid and is a train driver, she is very busy. I didn't know either of those things and she said can we meet in July as thats when she is next free. My answer was obvious. The point I am trying to make is people aren't honest with themselves or their intentions. The other lady I went on a date with and was aloof and shy, she told me in advance she was on OLD as her freinds said she should be, but shes okay on her own. So why did I try and date her? it was in plain writing. Only I am wasting my own time by allowing such people to waste my time. 

[NuevoYorko]

19 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

 

It is OLD problem, like I matched with a woman and she has a kid and is a train driver, she is very busy. 

I don't know what platform you are using but if you refine your search parameters you might be able to select for women with no children, no job, and not monogamous.  

[FredEire]

20 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

Dating consists of a lot of things, not just dog walks, dinners and trips and holding hands and kissing. I didn't feel satisfied or any electricity between us. For what she wanted from me, it was not enough. Even from a practical point of view, If I have plenty of food in the fridge at home, I don't want to be going to dinner after dinner, especially when I have my dogs at home, waiting. If I'm on good terms with you, we can transition to visiting each others houses regularly. I didn't want to voice this concern to her as I didn't know how to put it and I do enjoy doing different things and trying new good, but at the same time, it isn't moving the relationship forward.

I made a move on her many times and we talked about it a lot, but when we were in bed and I was caressing her, she was kind of obvious. I didn't actually have to break things off with her, the last time I saw her she came to my house, nothing happened and she was going on holiday for two weeks. I stopped talking to her and she never tried to initiate contact again, so I guess mutually we understood things had run its course. She knows why and I know why.  

It is OLD problem, like I matched with a woman and she has a kid and is a train driver, she is very busy. I didn't know either of those things and she said can we meet in July as thats when she is next free. My answer was obvious. The point I am trying to make is people aren't honest with themselves or their intentions. The other lady I went on a date with and was aloof and shy, she told me in advance she was on OLD as her freinds said she should be, but shes okay on her own. So why did I try and date her? it was in plain writing. Only I am wasting my own time by allowing such people to waste my time. 

You say it's an OLD problem but I know people who met someone on OLD and got married and didn't seem to think they were just wasting their time. This has been your experience but you can't say it's the objective reality.

You should drop something that's going nowhere, obviously. But it's not her fault if you don't choose to do that and carry on with someone like that for a number of months.

I did go on a number of dates with a girl who seemed similar to what you experienced. We would meet, have dinner and sometimes kiss, or sometimes she didn't want to depending on the night, and her heart never seemed in it. I did bring up going back to mine after the date and she would just say she wasn't ready for that. Between dates she would text me a lot about her stress at work and her bad days.

Eventually I just asked her if she was really interested in me and she said "no to be honest, but I wasn't sure". She felt she needed an emotional outlet, not a boyfriend. But that's her deal and I couldn't resent her for being in that headspace, it just wasn't right for her and it wasn't right for me. It was on me that I kept seeing her when we obviously weren't on the same page.

[mark clemson]

21 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

Dating consists of a lot of things, not just dog walks, dinners and trips and holding hands and kissing.

I guess I missed the part where you got into bed with her (but didn't actually have sex and/or carry this forward into a stronger relationship). Yes it sounds like the chemistry was off and so things fizzled out. IF things like that happen to you a LOT and "things never quite work out" then I think it may be in part a "you" problem, as some folks seem to be suggesting. The common denominator in any/all your relationships and/or attempts at them is you.

[Lamron300]

On 6/1/2024 at 4:51 PM, mark clemson said:

I guess I missed the part where you got into bed with her (but didn't actually have sex and/or carry this forward into a stronger relationship). Yes it sounds like the chemistry was off and so things fizzled out. IF things like that happen to you a LOT and "things never quite work out" then I think it may be in part a "you" problem, as some folks seem to be suggesting. The common denominator in any/all your relationships and/or attempts at them is you.

Never happened before and it was my fault for not cutting it off sooner. I think my issue is I want to ‘look good’ and feel the need to justify and explain myself. It wasn’t about sex as even if we had sex, doesn’t mean we would end up together. There were things she said, that gave me concern apart from the lack of intimacy. But those things were fleeting so I didn’t give it too much mind. 

I’m with someone else now and things got intimate on date 4. I went off topic, my main ‘query’ is how to make sense of dating. I’ve been going on loads of dates and have been on loads of dates in my life, some ended in relationships but weren’t really compatible. Now I’m 30, I’m taking things very seriously, which entails a degree of ruthlessness. I never really used to go with my gut and if I found someone attractive I’ll accept things I know I shouldn’t. Now when I feel something is off, I’m out of there, no explanation. I feel better for it 

[Lamron300]

On 6/1/2024 at 3:46 PM, FredEire said:

You say it's an OLD problem but I know people who met someone on OLD and got married and didn't seem to think they were just wasting their time. This has been your experience but you can't say it's the objective reality.

You should drop something that's going nowhere, obviously. But it's not her fault if you don't choose to do that and carry on with someone like that for a number of months.

I did go on a number of dates with a girl who seemed similar to what you experienced. We would meet, have dinner and sometimes kiss, or sometimes she didn't want to depending on the night, and her heart never seemed in it. I did bring up going back to mine after the date and she would just say she wasn't ready for that. Between dates she would text me a lot about her stress at work and her bad days.

Eventually I just asked her if she was really interested in me and she said "no to be honest, but I wasn't sure". She felt she needed an emotional outlet, not a boyfriend. But that's her deal and I couldn't resent her for being in that headspace, it just wasn't right for her and it wasn't right for me. It was on me that I kept seeing her when we obviously weren't on the same page.

I’ve been OLD since 2013. Meet loads of women’s, been on loads of dates. Had a few relationships from it. So ‘success’ is relative. I can’t say it’s all rubbish and no one can find something meaningful, but I haven’t and when I look back on it, things haven’t been compatible from the start. For example, I instantly distrust/dislike women that talk about their ex, even if in a bad way as 99% of time I’ve experienced they aren’t over it. I mean my breakup last January was traumatic (not in a sad way) but I won’t even mention it as I’ve moved on. 
 

I’ve also met quite a few people that didn’t look like their photos. Just to give you an idea of people I block or were just odd, this is currently my block list on phone from OLD in past 12 months. 

lady 1- Looked nothing like her photos, to the point I walked past her in bar. She was insistent on meeting in car park and I now know is because people have accused her of being a catfish. Got divorced and moved back in with parents. 

Lady 2- Would always speak about how much money she made and then go on about how much she is debt. Had a breakdown and said sorry I’m not speaking to anyone haven’t been paid my salary. Also revealed at last moment she has a serious mental health condition. 

Lady 3- 2 kids by 2 different dads. Lives only ten minutes away but would take 8 days to respond to a WhatsApp message. We arranged for a coffee and would always apologise that something came up. 
 

Lady 4- had a bf and just wanted to cheat. 
 

There is 13 people on my blocklist.  What I am trying to say, it’s a highly inefficient way of dating. Im not talking about the people who went on dates with and just didn’t work out, that’s par for the course. I’m taking about people I would never have gone on date with if I had a bit more information. I keep procrastinating to join hobby clubs and speak to people in real life. I own two businesses and have responsibilities to clients as I’m already behind on my work for taking too much on, but then there is no point moaning about OLD and doing nothing about it. 

 

[Lamron300]

On 6/1/2024 at 2:13 PM, NuevoYorko said:

I don't know what platform you are using but if you refine your search parameters you might be able to select for women with no children, no job, and not monogamous.  

Job isn’t the problem. I can guarantee I’m busier than most people. Also I don’t want someone with kids as their kids rightly come first and I need a certain amount of time when meeting someone. I’ve accepted nobody owes me monogamy from the beginning. It used to really torture me thinking what if someone is dating someone else before I met them or after one date. I’d even be thinking hmm who are they responding to on WhatsApp when they’re online. When I relaxed a bit and said I also have options, felt much better.  I assume your comment was sarcastic, however, if someone is too busy to date, they need to be honest with their relationship type (more likely to be casual) or don’t date till they have time. To suggest a date in a month and a half as that’s next time you’re free, for me isn’t acceptable. 

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Lamron300 said:

I’ve been OLD since 2013. Meet loads of women’s, been on loads of dates. Had a few relationships from it. So ‘success’ is relative. I can’t say it’s all rubbish and no one can find something meaningful, but I haven’t and when I look back on it, things haven’t been compatible from the start. For example, I instantly distrust/dislike women that talk about their ex, even if in a bad way as 99% of time I’ve experienced they aren’t over it. I mean my breakup last January was traumatic (not in a sad way) but I won’t even mention it as I’ve moved on. 
 

I’ve also met quite a few people that didn’t look like their photos. Just to give you an idea of people I block or were just odd, this is currently my block list on phone from OLD in past 12 months. 

lady 1- Looked nothing like her photos, to the point I walked past her in bar. She was insistent on meeting in car park and I now know is because people have accused her of being a catfish. Got divorced and moved back in with parents. 

Lady 2- Would always speak about how much money she made and then go on about how much she is debt. Had a breakdown and said sorry I’m not speaking to anyone haven’t been paid my salary. Also revealed at last moment she has a serious mental health condition. 

Lady 3- 2 kids by 2 different dads. Lives only ten minutes away but would take 8 days to respond to a WhatsApp message. We arranged for a coffee and would always apologise that something came up. 
 

Lady 4- had a bf and just wanted to cheat. 
 

There is 13 people on my blocklist.  What I am trying to say, it’s a highly inefficient way of dating. Im not talking about the people who went on dates with and just didn’t work out, that’s par for the course. I’m taking about people I would never have gone on date with if I had a bit more information. I keep procrastinating to join hobby clubs and speak to people in real life. I own two businesses and have responsibilities to clients as I’m already behind on my work for taking too much on, but then there is no point moaning about OLD and doing nothing about it. 

 

I'm not going to argue with you there, there's a lot of mental cases on OLD and as you said there seems to be a disproportionate amount of people on it who were recently jilted or dumped and think "I need to get over him, let's make a Tinder/Bumble profile" and end up acting flaky or just plain rude because they're not actually in it to meet someone but to feel better about themselves by finding some attention.

[Lamron300]

9 hours ago, FredEire said:

I'm not going to argue with you there, there's a lot of mental cases on OLD and as you said there seems to be a disproportionate amount of people on it who were recently jilted or dumped and think "I need to get over him, let's make a Tinder/Bumble profile" and end up acting flaky or just plain rude because they're not actually in it to meet someone but to feel better about themselves by finding some attention.

I've accepted the fact there is lots of people like that, however, I am trying to avoid them. I always ask what people are looking for? I read profiles diligently.  I have no hard feelings if someone tells me before we have met their intentions for being on OLD. But it never happens, it is revealed in subconscious snippets, little comments etc. When it is bad, it is bad. I am not here trying to be all negative on OLD, but the amount of bad stories I can tell you is shocking. I am not talking about people who I dated and it just wasn't mutually a good date or things came up etc. I'm talking about complete weirdos. I don't want to be one of those people (mostly women) who are negative in their bio 'no liars, cheaters etc'. It just makes you seem like you have been around the block etc and a red flag. At the same time, if I do continue with OLD I have to accept the unfortunate reality, only thing I can do is cut things off sooner.

 

The woman I'm seeing at the moment we have been on 7 dates, so far, so good. I meant to preface my comment. It is not about now or a particular situation. I want to be in a mindset, if things don't work out, be patient, good things will come.  OLD scarpers that mentality, like to get 1 good match, I have to speak to/date over 20-25 people. I guarantee in real life the odds would be different. But at 30, with two businesses and two dogs and a very busy life in general, how do you get out there and meet people organically, consistently?