Is he a good friend?

[Keeves1]

Hey!

As many of you know I've recently got out of a 4 year relationship with Maria and I needed someone to talk to. So I decided to also talk to my best friend who I have known since high school. I've told other friends as well but what I'm wondering is if you are opening up to your friend and they won't help you... are they really a good friend?

Disclaimer: I'm not opening up just to test if the people I have in my circle are bad or fake friend. I just needed someone to talk to and hear about their perspective but they are not helping me much.. only to be their to listen. I know that they are not psychologist but they could atleast say their perspective.

I will be writing about three friends who's name will be Allek, Axel and, Kevino.

Axel: I would consider him as my best friend mainly because our friendship has been going on still to this day, but everytime I'm opening up, if I'm talking about my problems then he is giving me some sort of a behaviour where he wants to ignore it and not talk about it. In short, all negativity is being ignored and blocked my him. I do understand where he is coming from. I may have been a burden and talk about it too much to the point where he just wants positive vibes and have fun rather than talking about problems. If he would have done the same to me, I would have been listening and tried to help him as much as I can. I would never be like him with that sort of attitude.

He does help in certain way by saying things like I have to reflect and use chatgpt but not much really after that. It seems like he only wants to be my friend when it's all positive vibes but when it comes to the negative he is blocking everything out which I do understand, but in my opinion a friend is someone who is with you through thick and thin.

Kevino: I've known him from us working together.. He has been through very similar situation to me and he was very helpful with being a good listener but he is not exactly saying things that would help me. He often repeated himself saying "You got to give it time it will be all good" like anyone could say that. He also has a very similar vibe to Axel. Both are willing to listen, but they don't really are much of a help. 

Allek: He is rather a new friend and I have only known him for 1 month. He is much younger than all of us but he do listens and give me perspective. I don't know if that has to do with him being a new friend.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

. I just needed someone to talk to and hear about their perspective but they are not helping me much.. only to be their to listen. I know that they are not psychologist but they could atleast say their perspective.

 Listening to you is helping you and being a good friend.

You don't seem to appreciate your friends and the time they are listening to your problems. Unfortunately yes, you're asking for too much. They don't have magical solutions and probably don't want to say anything negative. 

Edited September 23, 2023 by Wiseman2

[ShyViolet]

9 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

but what I'm wondering is if you are opening up to your friend and they won't help you... are they really a good friend?

I don't know what you mean by "help".  I think you are expecting too much of them.  Trying to use your friends as a therapist is usually a bad idea.  People find it exhausting when friends dump their problems on them, and many people don't know how to react or what to say.  Some people are good at giving advice, but others just feel uncomfortable and don't know the "right" thing to say, so they might just give you some brief, generic advice, or try to change the subject.

You shouldn't be surprised by this.  If you really want to talk about your problems and get "help" with them, then see a therapist.  Or post about your problems here, we give pretty good advice!

[basil67]

12 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

I do understand where he is coming from. I may have been a burden and talk about it too much to the point where he just wants positive vibes and have fun rather than talking about problems.

Friends can be a help to us, but they aren't our therapists and there is a point where we can complain too much and they end up exhausted.  If he's overwhelmed by your issues, you need to unload to a professional

[glows]

Going by your posting style there are so many multiple threads of personal problems, women and the break up with Maria. I think you’re looking for support that may be too much for the average person. Continue posting on the forums - this is just an observation of your needs and what you’re going through. You seem to be going through quite a bit and it is good you’re connecting with friends. I don’t think this is an effective or fair way to treat those friends. The older you get as well the less and less interested people will be listening to these problems, just an FYI. People have their own challenges and may not be telling you. They are working through it in their own way. 

Seeing a professional is also not only about talking about how you feel, it’s you gaining insight and knowledge in how to properly navigate your feelings and behave accordingly - they help you process difficult situations and you take those tools with you and learn how to work through problems in future. I strongly encourage seeing a professional if you feel this might be helpful. It’s investing in the future as well so that you’re more effective handling what life throws your way or at least feel more confident doing so.

[ExpatInItaly]

The type of help you seem to be expecting from your friends is above their pay-grade. 

You need to seek out a therapist for that, and appreciate your friendships more.