Is there anything I can do?

[LWelter]

I met a girl the other night for the first time via a dating app. I felt like we had a connection, and at the end of the night she said she had a really nice time, and when I asked if she'd like to do it again she said yes. She was a really lovely girl and it's been a long time since I felt that during a first date. 

But, the next day, she didn't respond to a couple of messages. I told her I was a bit confused, because I felt like we had a really nice time. She said she didn't feel the spark and that it felt like spending time with a friend. 

I feel like expecting sparks on a first date from a dating app is quite a lot to task, and that it would be nice to get to know eachother better. Should I just leave this situation alone, or is there anything I can say to let her know how I feel? 

[shellzbellz83]

She was kind enough to tell you the truth instead of ghosting. Respect her wishes and leave it alone. When it's right, you won't have to try to reason with someone as to why they should see you again. 

[stillafool]

For me, and most women, we know within the first half hour if we feel sexual attraction to a man.  If not, and you're nice, we see you as a friend.  She knows what she wants and I know it's hard but try to accept her decision and move on to another girl who feels the spark.

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, LWelter said:

.the next day, she didn't respond to a couple of messages. She said she didn't feel the spark and that it felt like spending time with a friend. 

Sorry this happened. It's disappointing when you have a nice date and it turns out to be a one and done. Unfortunately it's very common. At least she was straight up and didn't ghost. 

Try to just brush it off.  Not every meeting is going to result in mutual interest or chemistry. That's ok. 

Keep in mind you're both on dating apps and talking to and meeting others. So it's ok to keep an open mind.

Just let it go and move forward. Try to scale back a bit on too much texting. A simple "had a great time would you like to go out next week?" is fine. Then wait for a reply.

[ShyViolet]

No, there is nothing you can do, nor should you.  Just because you felt a connection on the date doesn't mean that she felt the same way.  She said she didn't feel a spark and is not interested in you any further.  If you contact her again to try and "convince" her otherwise, it will come across as begging and desperate.  What you should do is accept what she has told you and leave her alone.  

[LWelter]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. It's disappointing when you have a nice date and it turns out to be a one and done. Unfortunately it's very common. At least she was straight up and didn't ghost. 

Try to just brush it off.  Not every meeting is going to result in mutual interest or chemistry. That's ok. 

Keep in mind you're both on dating apps and talking to and meeting others. So it's ok to keep an open mind.

Just let it go and move forward. Try to scale back a bit on too much texting. A simple "had a great time would you like to go out next week?" is fine. Then wait for a reply.

Thanks, appreciate your advice. Definetly felt like it should be left alone but nice to hear others thoughts. Admitadily it's difficult at 30 when I haven't felt something towards someone on a first date in a long time, but hey ho! 

[glows]

No, nothing to say or do. Trying to convince her otherwise or make argument out of this is exactly why people choose to just disappear and say nothing. They are avoiding individuals who can’t take No for an answer. 

Sometimes people can be too hasty but most do give the “at least 2 meets” loose guideline to determine if there’s a connection. If she didn’t feel a spark immediately after meeting the first time it’s probably because she’s not attracted enough or at all. I’ve been honest that way when there is zero attraction, zero interest.

[Goodguy05]

You should have left the text follow up only to arrange the second date and left it for 4 to 8 days to build anticipation mystery and potentially attraction. By texting to soon it has revealed your hand. There's no mystery about you or challenge. Girls like to be challenged that's how there wired if your too easy the attraction disappears. I think you should have left it a few days to build some attraction and mystery about you. Then and only then if she shows no interest there is absolutely nothing you can do to change her mind about you and why would you? You want to find someone who is genuinely interested in you it makes things just that so much easier and better. you want to qualify and find  someone who has interest in you so see this as a good thing and that your not with someone who has low or no interest in you. 

Edited September 26, 2023 by Goodguy05

[Alvi]

OP, I am sure you were in a situation once or twice where you went out on a date with a woman but didn't feel any chemistry. But what if she did? Would you give her another chance if you didn't feel that spark or didn't like her looks or didn't feel that the two of you had anything in common? Not very likely unless you felt that there is some potential.  It sucks when you like someone who doesn't feel the same. But it is a nature of  dating and finding the right one.  Nothing much you can do about that. Wish her all the best and keep going. At least, you are getting dates, which is a good thing. There are men on here who complain that they can't even get a single date.

On 9/24/2023 at 2:15 PM, LWelter said:

Admitadily it's difficult at 30 when I haven't felt something towards someone on a first date in a long time, but hey ho! 

Do you ever think or care about how women that like you are feeling when you turn them down? Just curious.

[d0nnivain]

She should not have accepted even the idea of a 2nd date if she didn't feel the spark.  That was deceitful on her part.  

I'm a spark / chemistry girl.  It's either there in the 1st 10 seconds or it's not.  The spark can disappear if the person turns out to be not  a nice person but if it's not there it will never come.   So unfortunately, you need to let her go.  

[BrokenHeart883]

On 9/24/2023 at 3:19 PM, LWelter said:

I met a girl the other night for the first time via a dating app. I felt like we had a connection, and at the end of the night she said she had a really nice time, and when I asked if she'd like to do it again she said yes. She was a really lovely girl and it's been a long time since I felt that during a first date. 

But, the next day, she didn't respond to a couple of messages. I told her I was a bit confused, because I felt like we had a really nice time. She said she didn't feel the spark and that it felt like spending time with a friend. 

I feel like expecting sparks on a first date from a dating app is quite a lot to task, and that it would be nice to get to know eachother better. Should I just leave this situation alone, or is there anything I can say to let her know how I feel? 

This will be the nature of dating off of OLD sadly - you will have many first dates that seem to go well but don't continue. Sometimes, even dating for a month can randomly end. 

[Gaeta]

On 9/24/2023 at 3:19 PM, LWelter said:

when I asked if she'd like to do it again she said yes.

I am guilty of having done that. 

I have a real hard time rejecting people in their face, especially when they were super nice and did nothing wrong. So I would say yes to a 2nd date when put on the spot at the end of our 1st date and then on text I would apologize and tell them I did not feel enough compatibility. 

Unless there is a kiss at the end of a 1st date I don't think it's such a good idea to make a 2nd date invitation right there. Some people need to go home and let the moment sink in. I think it's better you let the lady go home, check up on her that she made it home safe and then mention you'd like to see her again. 

 

Edited September 26, 2023 by Gaeta

[smackie9]

Not feeling a "spark" is just another way of saying "I'm not attracted". Don't push for anything further. 

[LWelter]

17 hours ago, Alvi said:

OP, I am sure you were in a situation once or twice where you went out on a date with a woman but didn't feel any chemistry. But what if she did? Would you give her another chance if you didn't feel that spark or didn't like her looks or didn't feel that the two of you had anything in common? Not very likely unless you felt that there is some potential.  It sucks when you like someone who doesn't feel the same. But it is a nature of  dating and finding the right one.  Nothing much you can do about that. Wish her all the best and keep going. At least, you are getting dates, which is a good thing. There are men on here who complain that they can't even get a single date.

Do you ever think or care about how women that like you are feeling when you turn them down? Just curious.

In response to your question, yea I did think about this after the situation I described. I'm not without empathy, because I know how these situations can make someone feel, so I'd do my best to let someone down lightly. Granted, this doesn't happen very often! 

Anyways, I said all the best and have let it be. I really think there could have been something there between this girl and myself and would like to have gotten to know eachother, but she obviously didn't think the same. I'm sure I'll forget about it in a couple of weeks given that I only met her once. Having used dating apps for about 6 years I've dealt with rejection maaaany times. It's painful but that's the risk with putting yourself out there. Thanks for all your input.