I hold a lot of anger towards myself after my breakup and blame myself for it entirely.

[BrokenHeart883]

On 9/27/2023 at 2:58 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

Are you sure it's even true that he dad looked through her finances and said those things about you? 

Part of me wonders if it was really your girlfriend herself who had a problem with your financial status but she hid that behind her dad's supposed remarks. 

I mean I never asked her for help, my parents helped me. She offered to help, which was nice and I let her a few times with small things. Paying for wine, paying for some of the dates. She didn't really cover much else, as I had my own savings and we did do more affordable things like cooking instead of going out. I did still get her gifts from xmas, and randomly got her flowers here and there to show my appreciation. 

[BrokenHeart883]

On 9/27/2023 at 5:40 AM, SurfCity said:

So why were you resentful about buying a suit? You didn't have one so you needed to get one. I really don't understand why it's her fault or her family's fault that you needed to get a suit to wear to the wedding. The suit was for you not something that you were doing for her brother. 

This is different than what you posted before so it's hard to know what the truth is. You said that you didn't like that you had to bring gifts to her parents and thought that bringing flowers meant that you were apologizing. Now, you're saying that you knew that they were formal and it was expected to bring something. 

When parents only have one daughter and many sons it makes them extra protective of their one daughter. Although, in this case, there was good reason to be worried about this relationship and their daughter. 

I'm not sure that it's fair to think that he went through her finances to look for reasons to dislike you, he probably looked to try to protect his daughter because it looked like you were taking advantage of her.

But she probably told them. She seems close with her parents so even though you tried to hide it, they saw that you were being stingy/cheap after their daughter spent so much money on you for almost a year when you were unemployed. She was generous with you, but you tried to wiggle your way out of being generous with her/her family.

Did your parents ever invite her to their house for your family dinners? Ever invite her to church with them? Why didn't you turn to your mom or dad for financial help instead of your new gf? You have to admit that any father of a daughter would be very worried with the way that things went during this relationship. 

It's understandable that you're sad about the relationship ending and mad at yourself for the mistakes that you made, but it doesn't make sense to blame her for changing her mind about living together before marriage or to blame her father for finding out exactly how much money she had spent on you. You're trying to blame her or her family for the fact that you had to buy/rent a suit for a wedding. It just looks like you're doing anything possible to point the finger at anyone but yourself. 

You have to accept responsibility for the mistakes that you made without trying to blame her or her parents at the same time. That's the only way to grow and develop. Just accept that mistakes were made, try not repeat them, and try to stay positive. You'll find someone who you're more compatible with and who you won't feel so resentful towards over small things. 

 

I was resentful of the suit cause I was just tired and resentful of her towards things like lack of intimacy, and not being able to talk to her. She has accused me of cheating before and of using her and I was tired of having to "prove myself". 

 

She ate more at my parents house than I ate at hers actually... and she didn't bring gifts, except a few times. I ALWAYS brought something. I invited her to family stuff all the time, and she usually came. 

 

My ex was also all over the place emotionally... I mean when we broke up she was depressed and felt borderline suicidal. I just felt like, when we were together, when she had episodes of depressions I was always there for her and would drive to her, etc but she did not really ever do the same.. she would actually break up with me. She accused of me of cheating on me with her friend, and that is something I forgot and left behind... because it was totally stupid. But when she ended things, she brought up EVERY small thing like she kept tabs of the wrong I did while I mostly forgot the things she did because I forgave her and moved on. That time I had an emotional outburst cause I screwed a job interview and just ragged on myself to her saying I suck and am stupid? I went to therapy for a short while to handle my emotions better and NEVER did it again but it was "ammo" thrown at me at the break up - she never forgive me for anything & I don't think she is a particularly forgiving person, and I think she's a hypocrite because she wanted me to bring stuff to her parents but never really did for me. That's why I was "salty" about bringing stuff to her, like my parents weren't good enough for desserts or wine or flowers? 

 

The suit or whatever isn't really the main point, I posted here cause I'm just trying to move on. I'm not asking here to get back together because I don't want to, there was intimacy issues as well as effort issues and communication issues. I'm getting lost trying to defend myself here too because it isn't even the point of me coming here....