Unsure about continuing relationship

[Ahedgehoglife]

Hey guys

I'm a mid 30s guy, who hasn't been in a serious relationship for years.

I have been seeing this girl for 2-3 months and have recently been stressing about whether to keep seeing her or not. I was worried because I was picking up on the fact that she was really into the relationship and I felt less into it than initially. 

I haven't been in anything resembling a romantic relationship for years and was also just feeling a bit anxious about the commitment.  

She told me recently she thinks she loves me.  I responded saying I didn't know if I felt like that and we talked about it at the time.  

I don't think I do feel that I love her at the moment.  She is so amazing,so super compatible with me on a personal level and also so interesting and with such similar interests as me and the sex is honestly great.   I just feel like the romantic feelings I had in the first instance have quelled a little bit- and this is like only a few months in.  

I want to give this a chance because of what a great person she is and how well I get along with her and I cant imagine meeting anyone that seems this compatible with me ever again.

But I am also worried that if I'm not feeling it on some level that it will be a problem going forward and I really don't want to lead her on and make things worse.  

I am so anxious about this and just trying to get some clarity

 

 

[MsJayne]

If you're feeling that she's getting really involved and you're just not that keen, it's best to make it really clear to her and then it's up to her whether she wants to continue on a casual basis knowing it's not going anywhere. I always found that the 3 month-ish mark was that point where I started to feel a bit uncomfortable if I wan't really into the person and it sounds like maybe that's what you're experiencing, the feeling that if you don't speak up you're going to find yourself in a committed relationship that you're not really sure about. 

[Gaeta]

By experience I know men fall in love faster than women and if a man is not in love by 3 months chances are he won't fall in love at all. 

You are not the only one here to consider. This woman has fallen in love and longer you drag it, deeper she'll get hurt. I personally think at 3 months if you are not in love it's time to let go. 

There are plenty of women you will be compatible with AND you will fall in love with. You recognize her value, she's a good person with many good qualities but she's not the one for you.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Ahedgehoglife said:

She told me recently she thinks she loves me.  I responded saying I didn't know if I felt like that and we talked about it at the time.  

Sorry this is happening. How old is she? How did she react to your statement? (Besides being hurt). 

Unfortunately it almost seems like you're trying to convince yourself to stay and are just coasting along for "great sex".

Perhaps you won't have to decide because to add insult to injury, she may already be deciding not to get strung along by someone who's just "meh" about her. At least you were honest about that. 

Edited September 25, 2023 by Wiseman2

[ShyViolet]

You owe it to her to be honest with her.  You know that she is more into you than you are into her.  Don't string her along by letting her continue thinking that this relationship is mutual... it's not.  It is one-sided.  If you don't feel sure about her at this point, then that is a sign that she is probably not the right person for you.