She mentions race alot

[FMW]

I think it would get really old.  I don't find repeated cultural comments funny or quirky or anything else positive.  I live in a large, multi-racial city in the United States, "white" people (of which I am one) make up less than 50% of the population.  My friend group mirrors that collection of varied races and cultures.  None of us make those comments, and I'm sure none of us would find it acceptable.  

Her comments don't sound like they are made in a loving or lighthearted manner.  You can be proud of and stay true to your own culture without regularly pointing out how others are different.  You can notice differences without voicing them (in a racial context) when there is no productive reason for doing so.  

It bothers you, you don't have to justify that feeling.  I would find it off-putting enough to start losing my attraction to someone who did that.  Try to talk to her and explain how it makes you feel.  If she continues with those comments you will have to decide if you want to continue spending time with her and hearing them.

[Lotsgoingon]

Her comments are annoying and insulting. Speak up and say that--only don't say what I just. 

Talk about how you feel. "I really feel insulted and demeaned by your comments that I'm so white. I am white. I don't consider that an insult, and I'm not sure what my race has to do with a lot of the stuff you're describing." 

She is using "white" as a word to synonym apparently for higher social economic status. Clearly the rituals and ways you and your friends talk are creating in her what people might call "class anxiety." She's feeling out of place. She's saying she hasn't been around people like you and your friends. All which is fine, but she needs to stop the insults. She's getting her insecurities tripped but instead of acknowledging her insecurities, she's labeling you and lashing out at you--under the cover of just making an observation. 

I know plenty of interracial couples, and I've dated interracially myself. The partners cannot talk to each other the way your gf is talking to you. The partner from the more powerful group can't make comments like this and the partner from the less powerful group can't make comments like this. If I have a friend who is rich, I cannot make fun of their closest friends on the ground that they are rich (I mean, you might can do this once!). And you as a white person have a right to ask her to shut her trap. The thing about interracial dating is you are accepting that the partner has a different background in some ways. That's the requirement.

And what's ironic here is that you aren't even white. So she's really revealing the limits of her own experience and her own imagination. 

So challenge to you. How about you up YOUR game here?! How did you end up with this person so dang insecure and who thinks doing some seemingly simple tasks are "white"? Did you not hear comments like this earlier on? Your job is NOT to make her comfortable. Your job is more to scare her away if she can't get her brain around your life as a normal life. But immediately speak up. 

This is now on you to speak up. If you can't then you aren't ready to date. 

 

Edited September 27, 2023 by Lotsgoingon

[ShyViolet]

This is a big nope for me.  It's not a joke.  If I was dating someone who had a habit of saying these things, I would call them out on it, big time.  I would not be able to tolerate this.  Her comments are idiotic and ignorant and she should be called out on it.  And if she pushes back on it and refuses to stop, I would probably be too annoyed by this to continue the relationship.  It sounds like she needs to grow up.

[MsJayne]

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

My British heritage has so much to answer for in terms of horrible cooking 🤮

 😂 I'm hearin' ya! I'm Brit born and have traumatic memories of stodgy school dinners, a nasty island of mushy vegetables in a sea of fatty, yet strangely watery, gravy. And then in later decades, as cultures meshed and evolved.....curry and chips followed by a deep-fried Mars Bar 🤢. There's so much more to worry about than unwashed rice.

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, Savvy2001 said:

. I’ve never been to Juárez mainly because she doesn’t want me to go there and neither do my parents. . I don’t know any Spanish but I can figure out some words and sentences sometimes. 

Unfortunately it's difficult to see this moving forward if in 1.5 years you've never visited where she lives, met her family or people, haven't learned much Spanish.

When did she live in LA? Is she an American citizen? Was she studying or working there? 

There seems to be a lot more to work out here than how to cook rice. Her comments are hurtful to you and seem snide, let her know and ask what's behind it.

Edited September 27, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Acacia98]

On the one hand, I can see how her statements could be humorous. On the other, I can see how they could be insulting and judgmental. I think context and tone matter.

The thing is, though, even if it turns out she's trying to be funny, you don't find her jokes funny. In fact, you feel insulted. So you need to ask yourself whether the two of you are compatible. If emphasizing race is a big part of how she prefers to view the world and express herself and she thinks you're overreacting, then I don't see her changing to accommodate you. You would be justified if you chose to end the relationship. 

On the matter of washing rice, in different places, food items are processed differently. So if you live in a country where rice is cleaned then fortified by having vitamins or something added to it, rinsing the rice and pouring the water away before cooking the rice could cause you to lose the added vitamins. Personally, I read the list of ingredients and the instructions on the packet or box of rice before cooking. That's where I get guidance on whether or not I should wash the rice first.

[mark clemson]

I would note that "white" covers a lot of ground, with cultural backgrounds ranging from Australia to Russia to Germany to England to North America (as examples), and most of those places have "subcultures" so a Texan probably won't talk or cook the same way a New Englander or Californian would.

Our brains tend to oversimplify complex realities in a multitude of ways; one of those is using sterotypes as a way to save time and mental energy. That's practical and lets us focus on more immediate needs, but it's important to be self-aware enough to realize that these shortcuts we all have ARE oversimplifications that gloss over a lot. Nor is one's stereotype a reason to judge an individual.

Perhaps because of her attitudes/apparent lack of self-awareness you two will end up being incompatible long term.