Mizz Layta Posted September 27, 2023 Share Posted September 27, 2023 When he broke up with me, I was blindsided and shocked then I was okay for the first month or so. Now at 2 months it suddenly hit me like a brick and I find myself feeling his absence and I'm starting to cry over him and feeling sad..why does it take a while to sink in? I also read that this is the time it takes for dumpers to miss you if they had feelings for you has it happened to anyone else or do you always feel the impact right away? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 27, 2023 Share Posted September 27, 2023 28 minutes ago, Mizz Layta said: . Now at 2 months it suddenly hit me like a brick and I find myself feeling his absence and I'm starting to cry over him and feeling sad..why does it take a while to sink in? Sorry this is happening. How long were you seeing each other and what was the breakup about? Is this the same man?: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted September 27, 2023 Author Share Posted September 27, 2023 49 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. How long were you seeing each other and what was the breakup about? Is this the same man?: no,it's not the same man . I moved on from him and started seeing a single man and we were together for only few months until he ended it saying he doesn't see us together long term because we are incompatible. Yet we never fought or had issues I know it's only few months but I fell for him hard and had feelings for him before we dated since he is a co worker Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 27, 2023 Share Posted September 27, 2023 When I've broken up with someone, I was always sure of my decision so no I didn't miss them or want them back after a couple of months. I notice that you were with a MM at your job and now this guy. Maybe it would work out better for you not to date men you work with. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 27, 2023 Share Posted September 27, 2023 16 hours ago, Mizz Layta said: has it happened to anyone else or do you always feel the impact right away? It's different in every situation. I left a 15 year marriage without shedding a tear, and I also mourn painfully for 4 years a relationship that had lasted 4 years. Grieving can be a long process, we need to let it happen otherwise it has a way of coming back. You also need to help yourself by understanding everything will be alright, you will get over it, you will be happy again, and this is a process you cannot avoid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted October 12, 2023 Author Share Posted October 12, 2023 I once read that reconciliations are likely to stick if there's significant time apart after a break up such as 6 months or more. The couples who get back together after 2 weeks or a month will likely break up again..why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 It's simple - if you've had dime apart, especially if you were the dumper, you have time to reflect and decide that you were better off in than out of the relationship. Newly broken up couples might get back together because the dumpee is begging and making all kinds of promises, but no time has passed. No one has had an opportunity to have a change of heart or mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 26 minutes ago, Mizz Layta said: . The couples who get back together after 2 weeks or a month will likely break up again..why is that? Because on/off relationships are fraught with unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities combined with an unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities. There's a reason for breakups and usually those reasons are not easily resolved. If they were resolvable, it would happen within the context of the relationship in a healthy manner. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 I got back with an ex after a couple years apart. It was one of the most wonderful relationships' overall. No regrets. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted October 12, 2023 Author Share Posted October 12, 2023 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: I got back with an ex after a couple years apart. It was one of the most wonderful relationships' overall. No regrets. was it awkward and did it felt like it was new after that much time apart or did you pick up where you left off? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 6 hours ago, Mizz Layta said: was it awkward and did it felt like it was new after that much time apart or did you pick up where you left off? We only dated for a short time initially so there wasn't a lot of awkwardness when we reconnected. It wasn't a case of where either of us were sitting home every night pining for the other while we were apart aside from the sadness I felt when we initially stopped dating. We ran into each other one evening and initially I had no desire to date him again. I kind of went into it where I was like, "Well, let’s just see if we can be friends." Within a couple of weeks it became apparent that this was something much deeper. We embarked on a very different kind of relationship with each other. He was like a best friend that I also had this weighty, romantic connection with… I think I was initially skeptical, [re] kindling something that we had abandoned. But, that’s the thing that makes love really exciting and that can at the same time be very terrifying. There is no way if you’re really living life that you won't feel indescribable emotions and profound connections with people. And that is okay. I had someone that was interested in dating me at the time and he too so it's like, "Well, I could start dating this other person or I could take a chance with someone I felt a connection with who wants to potentially date me again." I know it kind of sounds like, well duh of course you're going to do the other one, but it gets tricky when we involve our hearts. And that is so much better than spending the time with someone else just because they're geographically closer or just because it meets this far away expectation of what we’re hoping to find. I don't know if this helped you in any way and I don't know the circumstances you broke up. Obviously if one of you did something horrible to the other, then I would not suggest giving it another try. But, if the disconnect was because you were really busy or you're living in different cities… Well, I just wouldn't condemn it completely or run away! But if as soon as you begin talking to one another again it feels like walking on broken glass, then be honest and walk away. You both deserve someone who makes things a lot more comfortable and calm when you spend time together. Things can be thrown into chaos later so it's important to associate calm with each other. But if you feel like you truly have the best time ever when you've spent time with each other, I think it’s worth spending some time with them to see what still makes you two comfortable and what doesn't. Sorry got pretty long - but you asked for my advice! Make a list or mentally note what you liked so much about each other when you first started dating and compare that to how you feel with her/him now. If not, know that there was a reason for your original break up - and trust your process in life. Hugs and lemonade. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 On 10/13/2023 at 9:43 AM, Mizz Layta said: I once read that reconciliations are likely to stick if there's significant time apart after a break up such as 6 months or more. The couples who get back together after 2 weeks or a month will likely break up again..why is that? Not everything you read on the internet is true In my experience, the longer I've spent away from an ex, the more I move on. It's the "no contact" theory in action: out of sight = out of mind Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 (edited) On 9/26/2023 at 8:39 PM, Mizz Layta said: we were together for only few months until he ended it saying he doesn't see us together long term because we are incompatible. Yet we never fought or had issues Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about? Have you heard from him or has he blocked you? Unfortunately "incompatible" is a broad term meaning anything from"not that into you" to "can't get along" to "just not working out ". Sometimes fighting and issues aren't the reason. It could be whatever else was going on with him. Edited October 15, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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