lok1234 Posted September 28, 2023 Share Posted September 28, 2023 Hi Everyone, About 2 month back while I was having lunch alone in company canteen, A girl randomly joined me. We spoke various topics and eventually it ended with she asking "What are we" and we decided to meet for lunch in the future. For me most of her conversation felt like "suggestive". So next week I asked her if she wanted to catch up for lunch but by then she was already gone. We decided to catch up next day but we missed each other and I suggested her that we catch up for coffee but we couldn't because we had meetings and our times were not matching but I told her that we could catch up tomorrow looks like this didn't go down well with her(Or I thought so). We meet next day, she had a friend accompanying her. I just realized I kind of invited myself and looks like she wasn't that interested. A month later she asked me for lunch while having lunch she subtly mentioned about her "Boyfriend" and for me it felt like she is trying to tell me something. I know she is not interested or maybe it is genuinely natural conversation but after that i started wondering did i come off too strong. While i did like her but I do know that I don't know everything about her so I was trying hard not to show it but unfortunately it seems it wasn't the case. While this news of "Boyfriend" is disappointing, It is good to know that there is no chance. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 28, 2023 Share Posted September 28, 2023 (edited) Initially she may have been interested. When you didn't ask her out back then she decided you were not interested & she disappeared having been rejected. Her "what are we?" question was her telling you to ask her out. You didn't. You moved too slowly for her tastes & she took that as rejection. Her telling you about a BF now is her way of keeping things civil & platonic. She's happy to say hello, maybe share lunch & talk about work. What she's really doing is signaling you not to ask any questions whose answers will cause her to have to outright reject you which will then make things really awkward. Do you often miss social cues? Edited September 28, 2023 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
Author lok1234 Posted September 28, 2023 Author Share Posted September 28, 2023 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: Initially she may have been interested. When you didn't ask her out back then she decided you were not interested & she disappeared having been rejected. Her "what are we?" question was her telling you to ask her out. You didn't. You moved too slowly for her tastes & she took that as rejection. Her telling you about a BF now is her way of keeping things civil & platonic. She's happy to say hello, maybe share lunch & talk about work. What she's really doing is signaling you not to ask any questions whose answers will cause her to have to outright reject you which will then make things really awkward. Do you often miss social cues? Very much... This has been the case most often Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 28, 2023 Share Posted September 28, 2023 2 hours ago, lok1234 said: month later she asked me for lunch while having lunch she subtly mentioned about her "Boyfriend" and for me it felt like she is trying to tell me something. Sorry this happened. Yeah, once they mention BF, it's time to back off. Mingle with other coworkers and try to date more outside of work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lok1234 Posted September 28, 2023 Author Share Posted September 28, 2023 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. Yeah, once they mention BF, it's time to back off. Mingle with other coworkers and try to date more outside of work. Thanks Wiseman2.. I guess that's the only option left.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 29, 2023 Share Posted September 29, 2023 lok123 Yes, backing off is the way to go with HER. However, since this has happened to you before it's time to improve your social interactions. Can you take a class like Dale Carnegie? They can help you but they are expensive. I did one for cheap because I agreed to be the "test" class. Instead of several weeks, for thousands of dollars, it was a long weekend where the organization had their newest teachers practice on us for a reduced fee & then the trainers graded them. If you can perfect your social skills this will happen less often. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 29, 2023 Share Posted September 29, 2023 (edited) I don’t think you came on strong enough… I say that as she was clearly romantically interested albeit this is a workplace situation. Remain professional and friendly and enjoy your coworker lunches. Don’t make a big deal of the what are we q in the past or the fact that she had a bf. That’s her personal life. Stay cordial and professional as colleagues and move on. Date outside of work and best to keep your own personal life private. Ie don’t discuss with her or anyone else, remain vague and keep a lid on the private life. Edited September 29, 2023 by glows 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts