I received a gift during NC

[FlyingTiger]

Hello all.

quick backstory, my ex girlfriend and I were dating for 8 months, loving together for the last two of them. A few disagreements but no big fights. She took on a travel job, but we were together every weekend. She ended things because she “felt drained and she wasn’t being a partner I deserved”. I understand attraction had fallen and there was some emotional draining (not sure if it was from myself or something internally with her).

She told me she felt we both needed to split and asked me to move out that day. A month later of no contact (she liked a few social media posts but no call/text) she asked a mutual friend of ours to give me a gift she had ordered while we were together. It was handmade and very sentimental. There wasn’t any letters explaining it, just that she asked the friend to make sure I got it.

 

I don’t understand why she would send it to me. No explanation why either. Why not just throw it away or donate it since she couldn’t get a refund? Or is this a test for me to reach out to her? Mind game?

[glows]

Maybe it is sentimental only and didn’t have the heart to get rid of it. I seriously doubt she is playing mind games unless you both have a history of doing that to one another. 

It’s not making sense to me why she kicked you out the same day of the break up so abruptly if you were both living together. Seems quite hostile or am I misunderstanding? You both shared a life together although it was less than a year. Why would she treat you like that?

[FlyingTiger]

37 minutes ago, glows said:

Maybe it is sentimental only and didn’t have the heart to get rid of it. I seriously doubt she is playing mind games unless you both have a history of doing that to one another. 

It’s not making sense to me why she kicked you out the same day of the break up so abruptly if you were both living together. Seems quite hostile or am I misunderstanding? You both shared a life together although it was less than a year. Why would she treat you like that?

While it was happening it was almost like she didn’t want to end things. Like it wasn’t her choice and I called her out on it. I told her it seemed like she was questioning herself so I asked if she needed talk about something or if she needed some space. That I could go see a friend or family that day but she asked me why would I want to come back.

I didn’t beg. I told her that I loved her and am trying to work/fight whatever is going on but she told me she wanted me to leave and not to come back. So I asked her if she wanted me to take my things with me and she said yes. 
While packing I spoke my peace and gave her plenty of opportunities to talk about whatever was going on but she didn’t. She watched me kind of in shock really.

Before I left I told her since she was the one who’s breaking things, she needs to be the one to reach out and fix them. She replied that she felt I needed ti reach out because she wouldn’t know when I would be ready to talk. I repeated myself and told her it was on her.

[d0nnivain]

All of this moved too fast.  You had no foundation.  Moving in at the 6 months mark was too soon.   

If you are NC, that is forever in all venues.  Still being connected on social media means you were never no contact.  True NC involves unfriending, taking them out of your phone, deleting their email etc.   There's some modern nonsense that you have keep in contact with EXs to be polite.  HogWash.  When you are done, disconnect.  Period. 

She bought this personalized gift for you.  It wasn't something she wanted.  In her mind it's yours so she make arrangements to get it to you.  It's not an olive branch.  It's not a test.  If it is a test, then you need to pass meaning don't respond because who needs head games.  If she wanted you back & was worth having she would have shown up, given it to you personally & said she wanted to get back together.  This was more of a get it out of my sight gesture.  If you don't want it or it's a painful reminder, you can get rid of it. Maybe smashing it will make you feel better.  

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, FlyingTiger said:

 she asked a mutual friend of ours to give me a gift she had ordered while we were together. It was handmade and very sentimental. 

Sorry this happened. Agree it's confusing. However it seems she got the gift before the break-up so decided to just give it to you, probably with no real meaning other than "no hard feelings".

Have you heard from her since? Have you blocked each other on social media and messaging apps? 

Just curious why you moved into her place after 6 mos? Is that when things started to fall apart? Try to slow down in the future.

[FlyingTiger]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Agree it's confusing. However it seems she got the gift before the break-up so decided to just give it to you, probably with no real meaning other than "no hard feelings".

Have you heard from her since? Have you blocked each other on social media and messaging apps? 

Just curious why you moved into her place after 6 mos? Is that when things started to fall apart? Try to slow down in the future.

Haven’t heard from her since the breakup (other than her liking a few posts on social media) which was a month ago. We haven’t blocked eachother, but I silenced her activity. 
 

I moved in because she asked me to, it was closer to work and I felt it was right. I feel like things started to fall apart a month after moving in only because that’s when a lot started to happen. Classes started up again, she took a new job to help her family and there was a jealous friend who didn’t feel like she could just pop in whenever she needed emotional support (this friend was jealous of our relationship and bitter she wasn’t in one herself).