Married, but having emotions I can't get a hold off

[Finite]

I’ll try to keep this to the point while proving context.

I sublet a place at an apartment complex I also have clients in for work. During the summer, I have slow days and some days, I hang by the pool to kill time.

I met a girl that lives there and we had a couple of friendly interactions. From some subtle body language and her purposely putting herself near me when I was there, I believe she was showing interest in me as was I. Before anyone asks, yes, I should’ve asked for her number during one of these interactions. I didn’t because, 1) I wasn’t actually looking to pick up anyone. 2) I was in the pool talking to her, and I don’t typically bring my phone in the pool.

Call it was it is. Anyways, figured I’d see her by the pool again, but I went away for work, she’s a med student nearby, and started class again and now the pool is closed. 

I still go to that building for a few clients during the week. So, short of staking out the building all day, hoping she comes around, how can I go about seeing her again and closing the deal? I have a few ideas, but I’d rather see what other people say before I go about it. 
 

Thanks.

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, Finite said:

,how can I go about seeing her again and closing the deal?

Do you have her social media information? Do you know her name? What do you mean by "closing the deal"? Asking her to go on a date or just hookup? Do any of your clients know her?

[Sony12]

You are at a risk of appearing stalkerish at this point. Don't go out of your way just to run into her. If you do run into her while doing your own business than great. But if not than probably better to look for other people to meet and remember to keep your phone with you.

She's a student and chances are she is interested in many people anyways.

[Finite]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you have her social media information? Do you know her name? What do you mean by "closing the deal"? Asking her to go on a date or just hookup? Do any of your clients know her?

I know her name, but we didn’t exchange social media info. Don’t t have her last name. None of my clients know her. Best case scenario, I’d like to date

[Finite]

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

You are at a risk of appearing stalkerish at this point. Don't go out of your way just to run into her. If you do run into her while doing your own business than great. But if not than probably better to look for other people to meet and remember to keep your phone with you.

She's a student and chances are she is interested in many people anyways.

And that’s what I don’t want. To appear desperate or creepy. 
 

looking for any loophole here, lol. Any way to run into her without making it look like I’m manufacturing it?

[glows]

I’d let it go. You saw her once and she’s still a student. Is there an age gap? I’m puzzled why date a student?! Maybe I’m biased and thinking back to when I was a full time student - no time and half arsed effort in relationships.

 

[Finite]

9 minutes ago, glows said:

I’d let it go. You saw her once and she’s still a student. Is there an age gap? I’m puzzled why date a student?! Maybe I’m biased and thinking back to when I was a full time student - no time and half arsed effort in relationships.

 

I’ve spoken to her a few times, just didn’t include the whole story in my main post as it’s quite long. I am older her. 
 

something about her has me intrigued. Can’t explain it. It’s almost like I want to just ask her to get it over with, so I’m not thinking about it, wether she says yes or no, I just don’t want to think back on it years later and say I should’ve done something and I didn’t. 

[glows]

2 minutes ago, Finite said:

I’ve spoken to her a few times, just didn’t include the whole story in my main post as it’s quite long. I am older her. 
 

something about her has me intrigued. Can’t explain it. It’s almost like I want to just ask her to get it over with, so I’m not thinking about it, wether she says yes or no, I just don’t want to think back on it years later and say I should’ve done something and I didn’t. 

Older as in how much older approximately? Asking out of curiosity as she may find the age gap repulsive past casual pool conversations. 

I totally get it in regards to no regrets. Issue here is the ship sailed as it is. No I would not pursue this as there was no info to go off of such as an invitation to add on social media and you both appear to be in completely different universes - your worlds don’t overlap. You don’t really know this person at all aside from the above.

[Gaeta]

I don't see anything wrong with you giving a nudge to destiny! A man going out of his way to invite a lady on a date is not needy or creepy! 

People use *missed opportunity* all the time to reconnect with someone they only made eye contact with so more reasons to want to reconnect with someone you had time to exchange with.

What's the worse that can happen? She says go away creep? So what! You go away as she wishes that's all.

Is there a doorman at that place? In the main entrance do you have postal boxes? Are there many floors?

Edited September 5, 2023 by Gaeta

[Sony12]

56 minutes ago, Finite said:

And that’s what I don’t want. To appear desperate or creepy. 
 

looking for any loophole here, lol. Any way to run into her without making it look like I’m manufacturing it?

 

Well for starters you don't even know if she is even that interested in you. It's not like you two started chatting each other up on a dating site or at a bar or anything. She was hanging out by the pool where she lives. 

She very well maybe just an outgoing person who enjoys talking to people. Even if she was trying to get you to look at her that still doesn't mean she wants to get involved with you. There is probably a pretty decent chance this lady already has a boyfriend. And even if she doesn't she is a med student and med students definitely don't have much time to meet new dating partners.

I highly recommend you forget about this girl. If you two happen to cross paths again just doing your normal routines then great and you can strike up a conversation then and perhaps ask if she'd like to exchange numbers.

But you will definitely start giving this young lady creep vibes if you start looking into her too much.

 

 

[Sony12]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I don't see anything wrong with you giving a nudge to destiny! A man going out of his way to invite a lady on a date is not needy or creepy! 

People use *missed opportunity* all the time to reconnect with someone they only made eye contact with so more reasons to want to reconnect with someone you had time to exchange with.

What's the worse that can happen? She says go away creep? So what! You go away as she wishes that's all.

Is there a doorman at that place? In the main entrance do you have postal boxes? Are there many floors?

People in general aren't quite as open to strangers hitting on them as they used to be. Remember all a young lady has to do to hear about all the horror stories that come about in those types of situations is open up the internet.

Edited September 5, 2023 by Sony12

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Finite said:

 I should’ve asked for her number during one of these interactions. I  don’t typically bring my phone in the pool.

Although you two sort of had fun at the pool, keep in mind she also did not give you her number or ask for yours. 

It's ok to have a crush but it doesn't mean you have to stalk her. 

Why aren't you on quality dating apps talking to and meeting women you know are single and interested? 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

People in general aren't quite as open to strangers hitting on them as they used to be. Remember all a young lady has to do to hear about all the horror stories that come about in those types of situations is open up the internet.

Yes people are approaching in real life less and less but it's still done and it's not a crime yet. It's not stalking or creepy. 

He's a familiar face to her, she had conversations with him already, he will propose to meet over coffee. He won't search for her address, he won't follow her and won't show up at her work. 

[Alpacalia]

Love is not for the faint-hearted but for lion hearts.

[Finite]

Gonna try to address everyone's response's:  

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I don't see anything wrong with you giving a nudge to destiny! A man going out of his way to invite a lady on a date is not needy or creepy! 

People use *missed opportunity* all the time to reconnect with someone they only made eye contact with so more reasons to want to reconnect with someone you had time to exchange with.

What's the worse that can happen? She says go away creep? So what! You go away as she wishes that's all.

Is there a doorman at that place? In the main entrance do you have postal boxes? Are there many floors?

This is kinda where my head is at. What's the worst that can happen? She says no. Ok, cool, then I have my answer.

There is a doorman, I'm sure there are postal boxes. There's 9 floors. 

Was thinking of maybe asking the doorman to see if she was in and possibly have him call her down for something, maybe???

[Finite]

2 hours ago, Sony12 said:

 

Well for starters you don't even know if she is even that interested in you. It's not like you two started chatting each other up on a dating site or at a bar or anything. She was hanging out by the pool where she lives. 

She very well maybe just an outgoing person who enjoys talking to people. Even if she was trying to get you to look at her that still doesn't mean she wants to get involved with you. There is probably a pretty decent chance this lady already has a boyfriend. And even if she doesn't she is a med student and med students definitely don't have much time to meet new dating partners.

I highly recommend you forget about this girl. If you two happen to cross paths again just doing your normal routines then great and you can strike up a conversation then and perhaps ask if she'd like to exchange numbers.

But you will definitely start giving this young lady creep vibes if you start looking into her too much.

 

 

I'm gonna provide more content for you guys, so you can have more info and then let me know, I only provided as little as possible. I've been around the block a few times, and I'm preety sure she was interested. It's a lot, so forewarning.

[Finite]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Although you two sort of had fun at the pool, keep in mind she also did not give you her number or ask for yours. 

It's ok to have a crush but it doesn't mean you have to stalk her. 

Why aren't you on quality dating apps talking to and meeting women you know are single and interested? 

Personally, I don't like them, I'm a little more traditional when it comes to meeting people. I'm not an old man, but I just prefer the old fashioned way

[Finite]

40 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yes people are approaching in real life less and less but it's still done and it's not a crime yet. It's not stalking or creepy. 

He's a familiar face to her, she had conversations with him already, he will propose to meet over coffee. He won't search for her address, he won't follow her and won't show up at her work. 

Yes, she knows who I am, and would recognize me straight away if she saw me. Gonna provide the rest of the story in the next post.

[Finite]

Full Story

One day at the pool saw a group of 3 girls sitting (she was with them). I did my thing, sat by the pool, half in, half out. They all came in and played around. The girl I like did something funny, so I gave her a subtle handclap and a head nod. She smiled and gave a thumbs up. Then I kinda continued my own thing as did they.

The following week, I went on a slow day, they were there again 4 this time. And same thing, I went in the pool, half in half out. Shortly after they all came in and were playing with some rings that sank. I laughed and gestured for the girl I like to hand me one of the rings. She smiled and said, "you wanna play." So, cool, I threw while they all retrieved. It was fun, small chit chat, nothing major. Just being friendly and fun. Then again, they all went back to their chairs as I did mine. I left before them,  had to get back to work, said goodbye and thanks for the game.

Following week, went again. There was just 2 of them there, I walked by and said hello, then went to a table as I had one thing to finish up on my laptop for work. I noticed the girl I like glancing over at me several times and looking away, like very obviously. When I finished, I took a dip. Couple minutes later, the friend leaves, leaving the girl I like alone (Setup? I dunno, someone I spoke to said, yes). I figured what the hell and went over, asked if I could nab a free chair near her, she said absolutely, and that it was nice of me to ask. Asked her name, told her mine and we chatted casually for a few before her friend returned. Introduced myself to the friend and then after a bit, they left.

Following week, work schedule was nuts, but I managed to get there at the end of the week. Again, the same pair were there. I found an empty spot and went for a dip right away as it was hot. Not long after I was in, the girl I like strolled around to the other side pretty methodically crossing my line site, to me, she was making sure I saw her, again, pretty obvious. We waved hello and she hopped in, tooling around on her phone (Second setup? Again, I think so, but correct me if I'm wrong). So, I said what the hell, swam over and we chatted. Pretty decent interaction, lots of questions on both ends, a little laughter, a little tension (longest convo, i.e. my work, her schooling, home towns, night life, weekends) She hopped out first, saying she should get back to her friend, but that she'd be back in the pool later (which I took as a good sign for more interaction, if she wasn't interested she would've just bounced). I said, yeah i've got to get back to work soon anyways, which was true. The pair of them left for lunch, leaving their towels. I hung around as long as I could before I absolutley had to leave for work again. Hoped they'd return, but no, and I had to go. And of course, as I got back upstairs, I look down at the pool and there she was, alone, grabbing her things. Sucked (Bad timing? Maybe? I think she was coming back alone to talk more, Or maybe was she was waiting for me to leave? Again, correct if I'm wrong)

And that was the last time I saw her, I went away for work, I know her classes started up again, and then the pool closed, no more outdoor interaction.

What do we think?

[Sony12]

7 minutes ago, Finite said:

Full Story

One day at the pool saw a group of 3 girls sitting (she was with them). I did my thing, sat by the pool, half in, half out. They all came in and played around. The girl I like did something funny, so I gave her a subtle handclap and a head nod. She smiled and gave a thumbs up. Then I kinda continued my own thing as did they.

The following week, I went on a slow day, they were there again 4 this time. And same thing, I went in the pool, half in half out. Shortly after they all came in and were playing with some rings that sank. I laughed and gestured for the girl I like to hand me one of the rings. She smiled and said, "you wanna play." So, cool, I threw while they all retrieved. It was fun, small chit chat, nothing major. Just being friendly and fun. Then again, they all went back to their chairs as I did mine. I left before them,  had to get back to work, said goodbye and thanks for the game.

Following week, went again. There was just 2 of them there, I walked by and said hello, then went to a table as I had one thing to finish up on my laptop for work. I noticed the girl I like glancing over at me several times and looking away, like very obviously. When I finished, I took a dip. Couple minutes later, the friend leaves, leaving the girl I like alone (Setup? I dunno, someone I spoke to said, yes). I figured what the hell and went over, asked if I could nab a free chair near her, she said absolutely, and that it was nice of me to ask. Asked her name, told her mine and we chatted casually for a few before her friend returned. Introduced myself to the friend and then after a bit, they left.

Following week, work schedule was nuts, but I managed to get there at the end of the week. Again, the same pair were there. I found an empty spot and went for a dip right away as it was hot. Not long after I was in, the girl I like strolled around to the other side pretty methodically crossing my line site, to me, she was making sure I saw her, again, pretty obvious. We waved hello and she hopped in, tooling around on her phone (Second setup? Again, I think so, but correct me if I'm wrong). So, I said what the hell, swam over and we chatted. Pretty decent interaction, lots of questions on both ends, a little laughter, a little tension (longest convo, i.e. my work, her schooling, home towns, night life, weekends) She hopped out first, saying she should get back to her friend, but that she'd be back in the pool later (which I took as a good sign for more interaction, if she wasn't interested she would've just bounced). I said, yeah i've got to get back to work soon anyways, which was true. The pair of them left for lunch, leaving their towels. I hung around as long as I could before I absolutley had to leave for work again. Hoped they'd return, but no, and I had to go. And of course, as I got back upstairs, I look down at the pool and there she was, alone, grabbing her things. Sucked (Bad timing? Maybe? I think she was coming back alone to talk more, Or maybe was she was waiting for me to leave? Again, correct if I'm wrong)

And that was the last time I saw her, I went away for work, I know her classes started up again, and then the pool closed, no more outdoor interaction.

What do we think?

Well sounds like there was some playful flirting but really not anything more than that. And yes she very likely was waiting for you to leave before she came back out. The main thing though is that you haven't seen her since then. If the ladies were really that interested in you they probably would have continued to be where they would have an opportunity to interact with you. The fact that they aren't can be viewed as a significant sign of their true interest.

Really nothing there indicates much interest other than they like to flirt when they are together as a group (which young ladies are more prone to do than when they are by themselves).

[Gaeta]

56 minutes ago, Finite said:

saying she should get back to her friend, but that she'd be back in the pool later (which I took as a good sign for more interaction, 

Yes, to me, she was telling you she'd be back later as a message she'd like to catch up with you again.

She wouldn't have said that if she didn't care to see you again. 

Is there a gym available there?

[Finite]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yes, to me, she was telling you she'd be back later as a message she'd like to catch up with you again.

She wouldn't have said that if she didn't care to see you again. 

Is there a gym available there?

That's how I read it. Why say that if no interest lol. I didn't think I was crazy

Yes, there is a gym there, that's where I do my work, I'm a trainer/cocah

[Finite]

57 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Well sounds like there was some playful flirting but really not anything more than that. And yes she very likely was waiting for you to leave before she came back out. The main thing though is that you haven't seen her since then. If the ladies were really that interested in you they probably would have continued to be where they would have an opportunity to interact with you. The fact that they aren't can be viewed as a significant sign of their true interest.

Really nothing there indicates much interest other than they like to flirt when they are together as a group (which young ladies are more prone to do than when they are by themselves).

Ok, I see the point you're making. But, I'm gonna be very analytical here and rebuttal. If there was no interest as you're saying, if I were her and this was her mindset, to get out of there, wouldn't she have just grabbed her s*** and left? She knew I was hanging still, why would she leave her towel behind (That implies a return, she didn't know when I was leaving) And when I saw her come back from a distance, she didn't sit back down at her spot, she simply took her towel and left. 

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, Finite said:

Ok, I see the point you're making. But, I'm gonna be very analytical here and rebuttal. If there was no interest as you're saying, if I were her and this was her mindset, to get out of there, wouldn't she have just grabbed her s*** and left? She knew I was hanging still, why would she leave her towel behind (That implies a return, she didn't know when I was leaving) And when I saw her come back from a distance, she didn't sit back down at her spot, she simply took her towel and left. 

To be honest I think you are looking a little too much into this. In all the interactions you have described so far it's been her hanging out by the pool with her friends and you have been the one who has gone up to them. Sure they may have attempted to flirt a bit but flirting doesn't often mean a whole lot (flirting is often just a way of being friendly).

As far as what she said when she left she obviously was getting a bit of a kick out of the interactions she was having with you and wanted to maintain the friendly vibes she had going with you. However it also doesn't indicate much more than that either. You have had several interactions with this group so far and they haven't shown any initiative other than just enjoying a little flirting at the pool. 

[basil67]

Reading your update, it sounds like you saw her multiple times.  Given you were vibing so well, is there any reason that you didn't ask her on a date?   

 

Edited September 6, 2023 by basil67