Married, but having emotions I can't get a hold off

[Sony12]

Yes if she ever was open to accepting any dating proposals the fact that there were multiple interactions without being asked likely would have made that interest subside a bit.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Finite said:

Was thinking of maybe asking the doorman to see if she was in and possibly have him call her down for something, maybe???

No. Definitely do not go this route. It's too invasive and I would not be happy if my doorman called me down to see some guy I hardly knew. 

 

[glows]

They sound like young kids retrieving rings and playing with toys. I don’t know that she had any particular interest in you as the interactions were truly so juvenile and superficial aside from the somewhat lengthy/personal conversation later on the last day you saw her. 

I am also curious why didn’t you ask her out then instead of ruminating like this over a young girl still a student - age gap still unknown. Is it possible you are aware it would be perceived as gross or inappropriate? Or just careful or didn’t think of dating her at the time? I guess I’m asking if you’re lonely and reminiscing over an attractive young woman but when it comes to reality you’re not actually doing anything to actively date her as you’re aware it’s not appropriate.

 

Edited September 6, 2023 by glows

[Alpacalia]

It's usually more appealing when you show an ongoing interest in someone and make an effort to deepen the connection. Sometimes, when you hold back, it might come across as being a bit cautious or worried about rejection, which can be misunderstood as being too intense instead of genuinely interested.

Hanging around could be interpreted as superficial, and it can come across creepy. I'm sure you're coming from a good place, but that might not be the message she is getting.

Edited September 6, 2023 by Alpacalia

[JTSW]

She gave you many hints that she was interested.

You had many opportunities to take the bait that she dangled in front of you, but you didn't.

I think this has been a missed chance here.

Also, you never answered when someone asked how much older you are compared to her.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Finite said:

 She hopped out first, saying she should get back to her friend, 

It seems like she was being fun friendly and polite. After all she lives there and the pool area is a social kind of place. However in all this not once did she tell you her last name, what apartment she's in,  her contact information etc.

In fact after your chat she found a polite way to excuse herself. And avoid you after that. Unfortunately it seems more like a crush from your end and many of these "signs", like leaving a towel, etc. don't really indicate interest.

Please do not ask the concierge to call her. That seems very creepy.  While you may think "there's nothing to lose", think again about being labeled in that building as sort of a guy who hunts down women who look good in swimsuits.

 

Edited September 6, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Sony12]

Also if I were you I wouldn't be using the complex pool scene as your self made dating site or bar. A lot of people who hang out at the pool in the complex they live are doing so just to hang out with the people they know and are already friends with.

The last thing they want are for strange men to make them feel uncomfortable at the location they like to hang out with their friends.

[BreakOnThrough]

If she were interested, there wouldn't be any question, and for the record, she knew you were interested, women have an uncanny ability to be part of a man's life if they want to be in it, and the way they go about doing so it always very obvious.

Edited September 6, 2023 by BreakOnThrough

[Finite]

First, I just want to say thanks for all the replies to this. Definitely has been helpful hearing both sides. Again, I'm gonna try to adrress everyone's responses as best I can.

1) Age gap; Yes, there is a 10 year age gap between us (we're both adults though, want to make that clear without giving away the actual ages of either of us)

2) Hesitation is asking for number during our interactions; The age thing did play a part, but mostly, without going in to too much detail about my personal life, I'm going through a bit of a transition phase of my life, and as such I've been trying to make myself more of a priority, in terms of well being and mental state. When I saw her, and kinda felt as if she was trying to get my attention, I took it as a good opportunity for "practice. Maybe the sounds bad, but in doing so, she piqued my interest. 

3) I would love nothing more than for an interaction again with her to be as natural as possible, perhaps that can't happen, I've accepted that. But, I'm an idea guy. I've never been one to leave things to chance. I'm old enough to understand that you need to make life happen, not wait around for it to happen to you.

Edited September 6, 2023 by Finite

[Sony12]

Well the best solution is to forget about this particular young lady and take what you learned from this particular situation and apply it to the next lady you become interested in. You two didn't exchange personal information nor did either of you show much interest in being around each other outside of the pool.

Also no offense but guys who start drooling over college girls in their bathing suits stick out like a sore thumb (especially when they are older than them).

Edited September 7, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[Gaeta]

22 minutes ago, Finite said:

Open to suggestions lol

I'm thinking post a note on her lobby billboard. 

[Alpacalia]

I like Gaeta's idea.

Too bad blockbuster wasn't still a thing. You could drop off a movie you think she’d like in the lobby with a friendly note.

Edited September 6, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Finite]

Ah, blockbuster, the good ole days. 
 

alright, so a note. The idea has crossed my brain. If I decide on this route, I think it should be pretty short and to the point. What do we think? Ladies, what would work on you?

[Sony12]

50 minutes ago, Finite said:

Ah, blockbuster, the good ole days. 
 

alright, so a note. The idea has crossed my brain. If I decide on this route, I think it should be pretty short and to the point. What do we think? Ladies, what would work on you?

To be honest I think you just need to join a dating site. Don't make these gals feel like they are being stalked in their own home.

Edited September 6, 2023 by Sony12

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Finite said:

alright, so a note. The idea has crossed my brain. If I decide on this route, I think it should be pretty short and to the point. What do we think? Ladies, what would work on you?

It would have to be visible to attract her attention.

Do you want to use her first name or not? You could end up with the wrong lady calling you lol.

Something short and sweet like would love to reconnect with you and you leave your name & number

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, VPNash said:

Is there still such a thing though?  I know there’s probably one on the resident portal online, but only residents have access to it?

I’d leave a small note with the concierge.

Leaving a note with the doorman was my second suggestion. I like that idea too. 

[Wiseman2]

Even if you devise all sorts of scenarios and ideas to run into her or leave a message for her, she really didn't seem that interested, sorry.

Please keep in mind she's going to not only be extremely busy, but surrounded by doctors and student-doctors.

Agree it would be a great idea to get a dating app into your dating portfolio rather than leaving it this random.

Get a good profile and pics on quality PAID dating apps. Paid apps tend to have more real people who at least have a credit card and many of the better apps require ID verification.

Paid apps tend to have more serious daters and there's more of a 50-50 male-female distribution (as opposed to free hookup apps which are up to 78% male and rife with escorts and scammers).

You can set your preferences as far as matching criteria, as well as age and distance. Try to stay no more than 8 or so years younger if you want more success.

While you could just hang around places like stores or pools or whatever talking your chances, you could also get involved in some groups and clubs, volunteer, get a fun part-time job and broaden your social horizons.

This way, you are sure to see people on a regular basis rather than the randomness of girl at the pool. 

Edited September 7, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
remove quote

[glows]

Personally the note on board would be bizarre and off putting if I saw one I knew was clearly directed towards me. I’m responding to you, OP, as you asked the members on the forum what they would think. You’re really hoping here that she’s even open to anything romantic or thinks of you in that manner. I can see how individuals yearning for a relationship or to find their person might find this flattering but it wouldn’t work for me. Sorry.

I still don’t see where you might have addressed WHY didn’t you ask her out when you had the chance at the pool. And were alone in private as her friend had left earlier. I can’t tell if you’re trolling the site looking for a debate like this or if you’re sincerely interested in dating anyone right now. Believe me - I know what transition periods are like. Out of curiosity are you married/separated? 

Edited September 6, 2023 by glows

[Alpacalia]

With all due respect, people meet in other avenues besides dating apps. It's been done for centuries. Worse things have happened on those sites.

This is a place where you have an apartment. Just leave a note with your phone number like suggested.

Keep going back is creepy. Showing interest isn't.

If you're not willing to do that then yes, something isn't adding up.

Edited September 6, 2023 by Alpacalia

[basil67]

A number on a message board is cute if the two of you had a fleeting connection and someone had to rush to a meeting or something.  But you met her multiple times and didn't ask her out.  Nor did she ask you out.

I also don't think she's interested in you romantically.  I think she sits somewhere between very friendly and attention seeking.

Edited September 7, 2023 by basil67

[Finite]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Personally the note on board would be bizarre and off putting if I saw one I knew was clearly directed towards me. I’m responding to you, OP, as you asked the members on the forum what they would think. You’re really hoping here that she’s even open to anything romantic or thinks of you in that manner. I can see how individuals yearning for a relationship or to find their person might find this flattering but it wouldn’t work for me. Sorry.

I still don’t see where you might have addressed WHY didn’t you ask her out when you had the chance at the pool. And were alone in private as her friend had left earlier. I can’t tell if you’re trolling the site looking for a debate like this or if you’re sincerely interested in dating anyone right now. Believe me - I know what transition periods are like. Out of curiosity are you married/separated? 

There is no board like that at this place. Nor would I go that route if there was one, that would be embarrassing on both ends. If something romantic happens, great, I'd just like to talk to her again, if it leads in that direction great. I'm really not jumping the gun here, as I said, I'm working on me, but, I'd like to explore this avenue.

I addressed why I didn't a few posts before. I'm absolutely not here to stir the pot, honestly I'm sorry it's escalated in such a manner, I was really just looking for some path to go to see her again. 

I'd rather not go into the personal details of me on this forum as I really don't know any of you, but, I'm working through things.

[Finite]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

With all due respect, people meet in other avenues besides dating apps. It's been done for centuries. Worse things have happened on those sites.

This is a place where you have an apartment. Just leave a note with your phone number like suggested.

Keep going back is creepy. Showing interest isn't.

If you're not willing to do that then yes, something isn't adding up.

I'm just not ready to go down that route yet with the dating apps.

Agreed, I'm really leaning toward either the note or really doing nothing at all. I'd love to casually bump into her, but I just sublet a place there, it's not my home base, so I'm not there all the time.

[Finite]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

A number on a message board is cute if the two of you had a fleeting connection and someone had to rush to a meeting or something.  But you met her multiple times and didn't ask her out.  Nor did she ask you out.

I also don't think she's interested in you romantically.  I think she sits somewhere between very friendly and attention seeking.

She may not be, that's a very real possibility, but how would I know? From my perspective, having experienced it, I'd say there's some level of interest, but an almost nervousness/shyness to her based on her body language when we did talk

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, Finite said:

 From my perspective, having experienced it, I'd say there's some level of interest, but an almost nervousness/shyness to her based on her body language when we did talk

Surely you're pulling my leg!   

Did you read your description of her?   Jumping around in the pool apparently to attract your attention, very friendly, asking if were coming back later?   This is not a nervous shy woman.  This is the kind of woman who's perfectly capable of either asking you out or dropping blatant hints.  Or adding you to her social media.  I mean, young people add virtual strangers to their social media.

If she did none of that, then she's not interested.

Edited September 7, 2023 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, Finite said:

I was really just looking for some path to go to see her again. 

I'd rather not go into the personal details of me on this forum .

That's fine. Keep working on yourself as you see fit. However if you're not ready for dating apps or dating, it's unclear why you want tips on how to bump into her.