Feeling Like a Bad Mom.

[Stairway2777]

Today my anxiety/mental health was bad but I wanted to take my son out to have fun on Saturday. We went to a market in the morning. Listening skills weren't great but he's 4 so sometimes that happens. My mom asked if we could all go to the fair in the afternoon. I think the combination of the heat, the crowds, my head space and my son not listening got to me.

We were sitting, watching a street performance and a balloon he had popped. He was upset but I told him it would be okay and we could get him another one. He took the bits of balloon and threw them, almost hitting a family behind us. It wasn't on purpose (he didn't notice them). I apologized and told him not to throw it because he almost hit someone with it. He grabbed it and threw it again (not at anyone, just infront of us). I took my index finger and thwipped him in the back. About the force of a tap on the shoulder would be. And then he really started crying. I've never reacted like that with him. I've never even yelled at him before. And while I know I didn't physically hurt him, he was really upset. I apologized several times, said I was wrong and I'll do better. I just feel like I [ruined] his day and that I reacted in a way that I'm not proud of. And the fact that I did it in public too... I feel like I'm [ ] unstable.

Edited October 1, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[basil67]

I'm sorry that happened.  I want to reassure you that we all have bad parenting moments.  All we can do is be kind to ourselves while learning from the experience.  What would we do differently next time.   For what it's worth my 26 son is autistic and has an intellectual disability and despite all the knowledge I have about how he functions, I still have bad days.  

Thinking about your son, I bet his coping skills were not only affected by him being four, but also by the heat, crowds, noise and doing two things in one day.   Poor guy just got overwhelmed.   

Sending you hugs