What do you think is she into me or just friendly?

[LoveMeTender]

Sorry for the long post...

So, I’ve known this girl for a year and we are going at the same university and we have been in the same group of people at classes. As the time passed by I started developing feelings for her and started being more flirtatious towards her couple of months ago. I was giving her compliments through Instagram, when she posts some of her pictures, teasing her about some stuff from Uni etc.

She always seemed to respond positively and usually we continue texting about some other stuff, often about studying etc. Usually, I am the one who initiates conversation through texts (as it was summer break, we only texted) and she pretty much responds every time in less than 30 minutes, only couple of times it took her more than 5 hours.

Whenever we talk in person, she keeps eye contact longer than usual, she smiles whenever she sees me (smiling with her eyes), sometimes gives me hug. She stands pretty close to me when talking and when in classes, she sometimes comes close to me also. When I see her, I feel electricity throughout my body, can’t explain it, like I feel some kind of energy when we are together…

Sometimes she acts quite different, like avoiding eye contact at all cost, being quiet around me etc.

When we text, she often laughs, uses laughing smileys, she sometimes calls me when she need some help, like when she asked me to help her to get new phone.

So, after all the thinking, I decided to ask her out and go grab a drink. She said “Yes, absolutelyyy, but first I have to finish my studying”, so I told her to let me know when she is free so the ball was in her court now. And I thought that it might be some kind of indirect rejection because I think that if she really liked me she would find at least an hour or two to grab a drink. And I started to cool down on her.

But, a week later, she texted me telling me some info about her exam that she never just tells me like that, it’s usually that I ask her about it. And I decided not to bother her and let her study and didn’t text her for more than a week.

Then I asked her how studying is going and she was pretty enthusiastic in her replies. Then again she initiated two days later telling me how hard it is to study that subject etc and it gave me again some kind of hope as if I think about it, why would she think about me and text me about these kind of stuff if she didn’t like me? And what surprised me also is that she knew one info about me that

I didn’t tell her and I told only to our mutual friend which is one of her best girl friends. So, I guess they’ve been talking about me.

There are lots of stuff I didn’t mention, but I hope this gives you some insight. So what do you think, could she be into me or she is just being friendly? I’m probably waaaay overthinking this but those damn butterflies…

[mark clemson]

You should consider asking her out. If you do so, make it clear it's a date and YOU be the one to follow up if necessary to ensure it actually happens. Hopefully this will result in a relationship for you. It sounds to me like you two have been "beating around the bush" for a while now...

If you ask a woman out and she says she just wants to be friends - that is "being friendzoned" and is not where you want to be if you want a romantic relationship.

HOWEVER, if you become friends with a woman and she is available, that can sometimes be a GOOD place to be as she may be warmed up to the idea of potentially being in a relationship with you and so (if you want a relationship) you might as well take the next step and ask. It's possible that she'll say no and it will "spoil the friendship" - that's definitely a risk. But there are probably plenty of other folks you can be platonic friends with out there. How many "friends" who you want a romantic relationship with but can't have one does one really need?

[d0nnivain]

Do we have any info about her level of experience?  Did she date in HS?  Is she generally shy?  

You asked her to get a drink & you are right to be concerned that she did not accept enthusiastically.  Even if she was studying at the moment, if she was interested in you too I would have expected her to say "How about in hour or tomorrow? "  Her simply glossing over  the invitation but never bringing it up again while resuming her general friendliness tells me you were probably friend zoned.  

Since you have butterflies you are going to need to put some distance in here  & find somebody else to date.  

[basil67]

7 hours ago, LoveMeTender said:

Then again she initiated two days later telling me how hard it is to study that subject etc and it gave me again some kind of hope as if I think about it, why would she think about me and text me about these kind of stuff if she didn’t like me?

She'd text you this stuff because she likes you and you're part of the social group.   And she probably chats about this stuff with other friends in the social group too...but this doesn't necessarily translate into romantic feelings.  

All in all, I agree that if she was keen for to go for a drink with you, she would have made time to do it.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, LoveMeTender said:

S I decided to ask her out and go grab a drink. She said “Yes, absolutelyyy, but first I have to finish my studying”, 

It's good you worked up the courage to ask her out. Unfortunately anything but a "yes" is a "no".

She seems to enjoy your friendship and help so it seems she's leading you on a bit by not saying no directly. 

Try to step back. In the meantime date other girls.  It's fine to have a crush, but don't put all your eggs in one basket when people claim they're too busy.

Edited October 3, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, LoveMeTender said:

 I thought that it might be some kind of indirect rejection because I think that if she really liked me she would find at least an hour or two to grab a drink. 

Whenever there's a "but" in a sentence, the truth is after the "but", everything before is just candy coating.

[glows]

She probably likes you on a human to human level and enjoys your company, feels comfortable around you but she senses that you probably have a crush and avoids eye contact because you are too intense in your gaze at times. 

Her conversations are about schoolwork and it’s giving the impression lately that she is avoiding any personal talk with you. Why do you think she’d ignore the question or not get back to you about going out/grabbing a drink? 

You both have a mutual friend - do you think this mutual friend let the cat out of the bag and there are ex issues and baggage or any drama in your life that she’d want to avoid or not get mixed up in? 

[LoveMeTender]

Thank you all for replies!

I would like to give an update on this situation. So, after her exams were over, which she finished successfully after I helped her (she asked for help) and I was hoping that she might mention that drink. But it never happened. What happened is that she asked me if I want to be in a same group for classes on University with her and her best girl friends (you can choose every year with who you want to be), which I accepted. So, she wants to spend more time with me because if we weren't in same group, we would see each other maybe couple minutes per day only. This way we spend like nearly whole day together.

As classes started, I noticed that her behavior towards me has changed compared to last year. She seems more relaxed and comfortable around me, talks with me much more, asks questions, seems genuinely happy to talk with me. Sometimes teases me about stuff that happened to me, whenever we laugh in group, she always looks at me first before looking at her best friends. Her besties also changed their behavior towards me, they seem much friendlier than before. When I tried to sit on some place else in classes, she asked me "Where are you going, why won't you sit with us?". She started opening up with me about some more personal stuff, things she would never tell me before I asked her out.

I am starting to think that she might be shy and wants first to get to know me better before going on a date (her ex boyfriend was her good friend from school). Or she is just friendly and does not want to have anything romantic with me haha. I would ask her out again but she goes out with her friend group every weekend and maybe it's better to try first to get asked to join them (no idea how to do it tho xD ) .

It would be much appreciated if anyone could give me some opinion on this development. Thanks!

[glows]

Things are a bit more complicated now, a don’t sh-t where you eat situation, Op. Now that you have to sit with and see her and her friends everyday for the the entire year (year?? Not semester?) the likelihood of things becoming uncomfortable and difficulty avoiding her if she says no has increased. Are you prepared to let your grades slide if you’re distracted and hurt? How easy is it to move out of this chosen group for uni and move to another group? If it’s no big deal and just a matter of registration in another group and no one would bat an eye then by all means, ask this woman out on a date again and try your luck.

Otherwise I wouldn’t bother. You tried and the ball is in her court. I would remain respectfully as a classmate only and if she wants to see more of you she’s got to make it known and make a move or indicate her interest. 

[LoveMeTender]

Thanks for reply, yup we will be in a same group for entire year, until June and its not possible to change group. I'm probably going to wait for some time, try to flirt with her more and gauge her reactions and probably at some point ask her out again. 

After all, she most likely knows how I feel about her so me asking her out again wouldn't be a shock for her, so I don't suppose it'll become too awkward for us to be in same group (if she is a normal person ofc lol). Not an easy situation, that's for sure, but without me accepting to be in a same group, chances would be minimal to none, now at least maybe there is some chance haha.

[glows]

2 hours ago, LoveMeTender said:

Thanks for reply, yup we will be in a same group for entire year, until June and its not possible to change group. I'm probably going to wait for some time, try to flirt with her more and gauge her reactions and probably at some point ask her out again. 

After all, she most likely knows how I feel about her so me asking her out again wouldn't be a shock for her, so I don't suppose it'll become too awkward for us to be in same group (if she is a normal person ofc lol). Not an easy situation, that's for sure, but without me accepting to be in a same group, chances would be minimal to none, now at least maybe there is some chance haha.

I agree. See how she behaves towards you and gauge that way. Hopefully you both are accepting and respectful of one another should it not work out. 

Edited October 29, 2023 by glows

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, LoveMeTender said:

  Or she is just friendly and does not want to have anything romantic with me haha. I would ask her out again but she goes out with her friend group every weekend.

It's ok to be friends and she and her friends seem to like you as a friend and part of their group.

Please start talking to and dating other women. There's no reason to put your life on hold for an unrequited crush. 

People make time for what they're interested in and if she's "busy" every weekend and turning down invitations and dates, it means she sees you as a good friend.