Should I ask for her number or follow up even though she gave me her IG on the 1st date?

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, max3732 said:

. I never used the word "date" when I asked her. 

Why not? Do you just want to have more female friends or you didn't find her attractive? 

[max3732]

17 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

There is disagreement among folks (and really sharp folks) on this board.

But here's my take. You sensed there was little chemistry on this date.

With her I was on the fence... like I put in the OP I thought things went reasonably well.

This is no chemistry, in my book.  I myself would in 90 percent of the cases NOT go out on another date when I felt like you describe. But here's the important point. You felt the distance, you felt the gap in something between you two. You felt it. And yet you're ignoring it as if you felt all throughout like it was some fantastic date. You're ignoring you own internal signals. 

In other words, often when we feel "on the fence" the other person very often is also on the fence. I would say you both were ambivalent. I say don't ignore that "on the fence" feeling. That's telling you there isn't potential on another date. That's giving you a sense also of how SHE felt. And you're dismissing the signals. Your radar is good--now pay attention to it! I encourage you in particular to save a second date for someone you overwhelmingly want to see again. 

Because here we are, you feel disappointed about no second date with someone you were distinctly NOT all that in sync with on the first date. 

 

Your reply really made me think and you're right. Part of me really wants to find someone so I'm willing to overlook some of the signals like that.

17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not? Do you just want to have more female friends or you didn't find her attractive? 

I was nervous enough asking her and only had a minute when other people wouldn't overhear and didn't think about it. I just said something like "It's been fun playing with you. Can I have your number and we can play outside of class". She said "Sure. I'd be down for that" or something to that effect.

Then we were exchanging numbers in front of a bunch of people and I didn't want to say anything about it being a date.

I find her attractive, but don't know much about her aside from what I learned at the activity. We seemed to have pretty good chemistry though.

[Gaeta]

38 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Can I have your number and we can play outside of class". She said "Sure. I'd be down for that" or something to that effect.

Did you contact her since? You have something planned?

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, max3732 said:

 I just said something like "It's been fun playing with you. Can I have your number and we can play outside of class". I find her attractive, but don't know much about her 

If you have her number and find her attractive, set up a date. That's how you'll get to know her and get a better sense of the situation.

[max3732]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Did you contact her since? You have something planned?

Yes. When I suggested a time she said she couldn't do it then, but gave me a few alternative times and I picked one and she said she could do it. Immediately after she asked if her dad and brother could join us in the activity. She said it's up to me and she's fine either way. I don't know what to make of that. Am I better off saying yes or no? Normally I'd want to get to know her before meeting her family, but if she offering right away for me to do something with them is it insulting if I say no?

Maybe she wants to know what they think of me? I'm very confused.

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you have her number and find her attractive, set up a date. That's how you'll get to know her and get a better sense of the situation.

See above.

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, max3732 said:

 Immediately after she asked if her dad and brother could join us in the activity. 

Yikes! What is this activity she wants to bring her family along to? That's certainly not a date.  Have you suggested a real one-on-one go out for dinner,  drinks, whatever type of date? Does she believe this activity you suggested is some sort of family game night? Very strange. 

[Gaeta]

35 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Immediately after she asked if her dad and brother could join us in the activity

Well, it's the excuse you used to get her number 'to do that activity' so l don't think she understands you have another agenda. She really thinks this is all about the activity.

You can tell her you had in mind making it a date at the same time by taking her out to dinner. That should give you all the answers you need.

[max3732]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yikes! What is this activity she wants to bring her family along to? That's certainly not a date.  Have you suggested a real one-on-one go out for dinner,  drinks, whatever type of date? Does she believe this activity you suggested is some sort of family game night? Very strange. 

Tennis. She said he family plays so it might be fun if we all played, but would understand if I just want to play singles with her. 

[max3732]

Just to follow up I told her I'd prefer just the 2 of us and she's agreed. We'll see what happens

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, max3732 said:

Just to follow up I told her I'd prefer just the 2 of us and she's agreed. We'll see what happens

Is it just for tennis?

[max3732]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Is it just for tennis?

Just. Just the 2 of us. If things go well I was also going to invite her to get a bite to eat after. 

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Just. Just the 2 of us. If things go well I was also going to invite her to get a bite to eat after. 

Good Idea. This sounds more like a date. 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Just. Just the 2 of us. If things go well I was also going to invite her to get a bite to eat after. 

I'm looking forward to hear how it went 😊