mark clemson Posted October 7, 2023 Share Posted October 7, 2023 11 hours ago, Anon1992 said: However, I feel I can never go back as in my eyes she will always be a lair, and someone who abused my judgement, and a person I could never trust again. Have I done the right thing? Should I continue to just ignore and take this as a lesson and carry on towards moving on without her? There is no "right thing" - there are only choices. If ending things with her is the right thing for you, then it's the right thing. IMO it's likely she is trying to get back together with you because things didn't work out with this other person. Oh well, that's the risk you take when you cheat on someone. You are probably having doubts because you're looking at the prospect of finding someone new and finding it more difficult than you might expect? Take the time to process things emotionally AND work on yourself to make yourself more attractive to potential new partners during that time. You have lost what was your "stable base" and it can be easy to feel lonely and/or insecure after that. However, reality is that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Although I'm not the most "anti-cheater" person out there (probably by a long shot) I do think I'd probably do exactly what you've done in your situation, with essentially the person having another BF. You could (if you feel it's necessary and note that I'm not recommending this) consider her a "plan B" if you have substantive trouble finding someone new. There are problems with that, but some folks who cheat do decide to stop doing it after going through the distress of a break up over it, etc. So she might be trustworthy now that she's experienced the repercussions of her actions. Hard to say for sure, but it's possible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anon1996 Posted October 8, 2023 Author Share Posted October 8, 2023 7 hours ago, mark clemson said: There is no "right thing" - there are only choices. If ending things with her is the right thing for you, then it's the right thing. IMO it's likely she is trying to get back together with you because things didn't work out with this other person. Oh well, that's the risk you take when you cheat on someone. You are probably having doubts because you're looking at the prospect of finding someone new and finding it more difficult than you might expect? Take the time to process things emotionally AND work on yourself to make yourself more attractive to potential new partners during that time. You have lost what was your "stable base" and it can be easy to feel lonely and/or insecure after that. However, reality is that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Although I'm not the most "anti-cheater" person out there (probably by a long shot) I do think I'd probably do exactly what you've done in your situation, with essentially the person having another BF. You could (if you feel it's necessary and note that I'm not recommending this) consider her a "plan B" if you have substantive trouble finding someone new. There are problems with that, but some folks who cheat do decide to stop doing it after going through the distress of a break up over it, etc. So she might be trustworthy now that she's experienced the repercussions of her actions. Hard to say for sure, but it's possible. Thank you ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2023 Share Posted October 9, 2023 Don't confuse her genuinely wanting you back with "the new guy dumped me and I hate being single so let's see if my ex will have me" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anon1996 Posted October 9, 2023 Author Share Posted October 9, 2023 53 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Don't confuse her genuinely wanting you back with "the new guy dumped me and I hate being single so let's see if my ex will have me" Lol that’s exactly what’s happened isn’t it! Thank you 🙏 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2023 Share Posted October 9, 2023 3 minutes ago, Anon1996 said: Lol that’s exactly what’s happened isn’t it! Thank you 🙏 I would bet the farm on it. It's time to be direct and tell her you don't want to get back together, and then cease all contact. Letting her continue to call and message you while you ignore her doesn't make any sense and serves no purpose. Perhaps you've been hanging on to that because it feels validating to have her try to chase you now, but really, there is no future with her anymore. Put a true end to all of it so you can finally move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anon1996 Posted October 9, 2023 Author Share Posted October 9, 2023 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: I would bet the farm on it. It's time to be direct and tell her you don't want to get back together, and then cease all contact. Letting her continue to call and message you while you ignore her doesn't make any sense and serves no purpose. Perhaps you've been hanging on to that because it feels validating to have her try to chase you now, but really, there is no future with her anymore. Put a true end to all of it so you can finally move on. Yep definitely the validation thing. I guess it feels like a kind of revenge to me, which in reality is unrealistic and stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2023 Share Posted October 9, 2023 32 minutes ago, Anon1996 said: Yep definitely the validation thing. I guess it feels like a kind of revenge to me, which in reality is unrealistic and stupid. And eventually, it will backfire when she gives up and goes silent - and you will be hurt all over again wondering where she went. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 9, 2023 Share Posted October 9, 2023 On 10/7/2023 at 8:29 AM, Anon1996 said: Have I done the right thing? Should I continue to just ignore and take this as a lesson and carry on towards moving on without her? Yes, you did do the right thing by moving on since she met someone else. No, you should not just ignore her calls because it makes you feel validated that she MAY want you back. That is childish and as Expat said it will backfire. You admit you still want her; but eventually she will meet another guy and stop all contact with you. You will be hurt all over again starting from square one. Block her if you aren't going back. If you want her, forgive her and talk. Basically, put on your big boy pants and make a decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anon1996 Posted October 9, 2023 Author Share Posted October 9, 2023 27 minutes ago, stillafool said: Yes, you did do the right thing by moving on since she met someone else. No, you should not just ignore her calls because it makes you feel validated that she MAY want you back. That is childish and as Expat said it will backfire. You admit you still want her; but eventually she will meet another guy and stop all contact with you. You will be hurt all over again starting from square one. Block her if you aren't going back. If you want her, forgive her and talk. Basically, put on your big boy pants and make a decision. Thank you. Big boy pants are now on! 🤙 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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