She says she has feelings for me but why she doesn't care about me.

[Ruff1an]

I had a crush on my classmate for a while, and I decided to confess to her a while ago, and she said she has feelings towards me to some extent. She mentioned that she was in the process of liking me.

We called each other until 2 a.m., but that only happened once. When I ask her to call each other again, she rejects me all the time or makes excuses.

One time she said, "You will get over me soon; it's just a phase. All the boys who liked me before have all moved on because I am very dry." I assured her that I would never get over her and that I was different from other boys. She also said that she doesn't want relationship right now but I don't know if she said that genuinely or not.

I don't know why she doesn't seem interested at all now a days. She laughs and stays with other boys most of the time. It feels like she doesn't respect me anymore. I ask her to go on a date, and she rejects that too.
She never texts me first and always leaves me on seen.

My friends say that I look very desperate and needy toward her.
I have started to realize that too.
One time she said to me that she likes me when I don't try too hard.

Idk what I should do. She gives a lot of mixed signals. Should I start ignoring her and move on or continue to make efforts? Her friends say to me that she really appreciates my efforts, but I cannot see it. Till now she hasn't given me any effort. It's been a few days since I gave her less attention, but she doesn't seem to care.

[Wiseman2]

40 minutes ago, Ruff1an said:

. She mentioned that she was in the process of liking me.. she said, "You will get over me soon; it's just a phase. . She also said that she doesn't want relationship right now 

Do you see each other in classes? How old is she? She's being pretty clear about not wanting to date but is trying to be nice and not hurt your feelings.

She seems to be asking you to move on because she feels smothered. Please stop pursuing her. It's ok to have a crush but it's not ok to pester someone who asks you to move on.

Please talk to some trusted adults about it dating tips. Try to focus on being friendly at school and talk to other girls as well. 

[Ruff1an]

17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you see each other in classes? How old is she? She's being pretty clear about not wanting to date but is trying to be nice and not hurt your feelings.

She seems to be asking you to move on because she feels smothered. Please stop pursuing her. It's ok to have a crush but it's not ok to pester someone who asks you to move on.

Please talk to some trusted adults about it dating tips. Try to focus on being friendly at school and talk to other girls as well. 

We both are 17. She asked me to move on but I'm confused if she is playing hard to get or she genuinely wants me to move on.

[glows]

She doesn’t sound interested and is actually very turned off - from her behaviour and what she has said to you. What gives you the impression she’s interested? Is it what her friends say? She may be flattered but she doesn’t seem to have much respect for you because you cannot take No for an answer. She told you No and she doesn’t want to date you. She rejected you asking for a date and doesn’t reply to any of your texts/calls. That is a giant NO I am NOT interested.

Feeling flattered and liking attention is very different from wanting to date someone. She likes the attention because you’re acting very desperate and clingy but she doesn’t want to date you because she doesn’t respect you. 

Her friends are trying to be nice to you but they shouldn’t get involved because it’s clearly causing misunderstanding. It’s quite cruel to you. 

I think she is an attention seeker and likes attention from guys, period. She’s not interested in dating you at all. 

[ExpatInItaly]

She isn't into you, OP. 

So no, don't keep making an effort. She isn't interested the way you are and you are wasting your time on this girl. A girl who actually likes and respects you will be happy to go with you. 

This girl isn't her. 

[Ruff1an]

1 hour ago, glows said:

She doesn’t sound interested and is actually very turned off - from her behaviour and what she has said to you. What gives you the impression she’s interested? Is it what her friends say? She may be flattered but she doesn’t seem to have much respect for you because you cannot take No for an answer. She told you No and she doesn’t want to date you. She rejected you asking for a date and doesn’t reply to any of your texts/calls. That is a giant NO I am NOT interested.

Feeling flattered and liking attention is very different from wanting to date someone. She likes the attention because you’re acting very desperate and clingy but she doesn’t want to date you because she doesn’t respect you. 

Her friends are trying to be nice to you but they shouldn’t get involved because it’s clearly causing misunderstanding. It’s quite cruel to you. 

I think she is an attention seeker and likes attention from guys, period. She’s not interested in dating you at all. 

Thank you, I really needed to hear this, so I can finally move on. 

[Maldives]

"Idk what I should do."

 

Forget about her and let this one go. The goal should be to find a girl that's into you this one clearly isn't.

 

"She gives a lot of mixed signals"

 

Nope, it's pretty clear she's isn't interested. 

 

 

[Sony12]

People like who they like. Especially at a younger age ladies are attracted to guys who have confidence. They know how to talk to girls and they know that they know how to talk to girls. It's why a lot of young ladies are attracted to 'bad boy' types. Because bad boys often give off an I don't care attitude where the girls can talk to them if they want to but they don't care if they do or not. That's usually a lot more attractive to them than guys who get pretty needy around girls they like.

[BaileyB]

9 hours ago, Ruff1an said:

She gives a lot of mixed signals. 

I don’t think her signals are mixed at all.

If ever there is a discrepancy between someone’s words and actions, pay attention to her actions. Her actions are clearly telling you that she is not interested in dating you. Actually, her words are saying that too… it’s time to let the idea of this go. 

[d0nnivain]

She's a 17 year old girl who loves attention.  She does not share your feelings so yes you need to move on.  Desperate is never a good look so cut that out now  

You can say hi to her in the halls at school but otherwise be aloof.  Find a different girl to date 

When someone tells you they are not interested, believe them.  Never assume they are lying hoping to get you to chase them to prove you are worthy.  Even if someone is actually doing that you don't want a person like that in your life

[stillafool]

From now on don't even look her way, say hi to her or acknowledge her presence at all.  Put your attention on another girl and forget this one exists.  She is using you to feed her ego but will never chose you for a boyfriend.  You're too nice to her and you need to stop looking at her as if she's some princess and treating her that way.  She's not.   She doesn't sound like she even deserves a boy like you.

[Ruff1an]

15 minutes ago, stillafool said:

From now on don't even look her way, say hi to her or acknowledge her presence at all.  Put your attention on another girl and forget this one exists.  She is using you to feed her ego but will never chose you for a boyfriend.  You're too nice to her and you need to stop looking at her as if she's some princess and treating her that way.  She's not.   She doesn't sound like she even deserves a boy like you.

Yea , we had went on a date/hangout before I confessed her, I paid everything for her and sad part is that she didn't even thank me. She even tryna dominate me now a days.

[BaileyB]

4 minutes ago, Ruff1an said:

Yea , we had went on a date/hangout before I confessed her, I paid everything for her and sad part is that she didn't even thank me.

Consider this a learning experience - invest your time and money in girls that want to date you and treat you well. 

[Ruff1an]

1 minute ago, BaileyB said:

Consider this a learning experience - invest your time and money in girls that want to date you and treat you well. 

Yup, I learned many things from this experience even though it was kind of hurtful to me.

[stillafool]

50 minutes ago, Ruff1an said:

Yup, I learned many things from this experience even though it was kind of hurtful to me.

That's okay.  We've all been there.  It's part of growing up.  Someone will break her heart too.

[Alpacalia]

Sorry that must've been a tough confession to make.

Don't invest all your energy in someone not sharing your interests. Remember, someone who genuinely wants to be with you won't repeatedly reject your company.

When you asked her out numerous times and she said no, it should've been pretty clear that she's not into the idea of dating you.

She might've tried to soften the blow by saying she has some feelings, but in reality, she's just not ready or interested in a romantic relationship right now. 

Try not to try to convince someone to be with you when they've already said no. 

Edited October 8, 2023 by Alpacalia

[glows]

3 hours ago, Ruff1an said:

Yea , we had went on a date/hangout before I confessed her, I paid everything for her and sad part is that she didn't even thank me. She even tryna dominate me now a days.

It’s good moving on. I agree not to pay her any more attention as it’s just feeding her ego. 

What do you mean trying to dominate you? No one can do that unless you let them. 

[Ruff1an]

9 hours ago, glows said:

It’s good moving on. I agree not to pay her any more attention as it’s just feeding her ego. 

What do you mean trying to dominate you? No one can do that unless you let them. 

By dominate i don't mean actual dominate. But she talks rudely and in salty way. I usually don't let other people try to dominate me and stuff but to her i had became really really soft.

[glows]

13 minutes ago, Ruff1an said:

By dominate i don't mean actual dominate. But she talks rudely and in salty way. I usually don't let other people try to dominate me and stuff but to her i had became really really soft.

Then yes - definitely avoid her and give her no attention whatsoever. Have firm boundaries about what you’ll put up with. Don’t enable other people’s issues and put up with rudeness.

[Ruff1an]

On 10/9/2023 at 9:07 AM, glows said:

Then yes - definitely avoid her and give her no attention whatsoever. Have firm boundaries about what you’ll put up with. Don’t enable other people’s issues and put up with rudeness.

Yes I'm trying to avoid her and move on and also trying to find other girls to talk to. But idk why I just can't seem to find other girls attractive. I just find her attractive and interesting, idk if this kind of feeling will fade away eventually. I guess i'm too attached.

[stillafool]

38 minutes ago, Ruff1an said:

Yes I'm trying to avoid her and move on and also trying to find other girls to talk to. But idk why I just can't seem to find other girls attractive. I just find her attractive and interesting, idk if this kind of feeling will fade away eventually. I guess i'm too attached.

This too is normal at first.  It will pass and you will see another girl you like.  Just stay away from and ignore the other one.

[smackie9]

You put her on the spot so she pasified you with what she said. She's not interested in you that way. She's 17 and more interested in how many guys she can get attention from. 

[glows]

3 hours ago, Ruff1an said:

Yes I'm trying to avoid her and move on and also trying to find other girls to talk to. But idk why I just can't seem to find other girls attractive. I just find her attractive and interesting, idk if this kind of feeling will fade away eventually. I guess i'm too attached.

Well. You’re basically rebounding here and looking for the next shiny thing (a rebound). Some people are into that but it usually causes a new kind of low like what you’re seeing - feeling down and disappointed in everyone else. I strongly suggest timing out from dating and focusing on yourself and getting your confidence and self esteem back up working on you. Your hobbies, interests, your goals and set yourself on a path you can be proud of. Looking for someone else to fill a void never works.