I'm falling for a Muslim man

[GoodVibess]

I’m 23 and he’s 19, I have enjoyed talking to him we met on FB dating. He’s super chill and we mostly talk every night for a few hours. We have been talking for a month now and we are going on our first date next sunday. I really am starting to like him despite not having met yet. But the issue is he is Muslim and I’m a Christian. We have never discussed our religions throughly. However, I’m concerned he is love bombing me and will hurt my feelings eventually. I feel stuck because he is everything I want in a man. I will definitely meet him but I’m scared he won’t take me seriously. I want to talk to him about it, but unsure if it’s too soon. 

Thoughts?

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

I feel stuck because he is everything I want in a man

Slow down, Vibess. Way down. 

You have never met this man, and thus have no clue what he's really like. And no, talking on the phone or messaging is not the same as really getting to know someone. There is no way of knowing yet if he's everything you want. 

The religious difference might be relevant, but it depends on how devout you each are. That is something you two would need to chat about. I would be more wary that he's just 19 and not likely to be ready for some big commitment anyway. Go on your date, but keep your expectations in check. Don't get carried away. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

I’m 23 and he’s 19.. We have been talking for a month now and we are going on our first date next sunday. I really am starting to like him despite not having met yet. 

It this a distance situation?

Whenever someone won't meet in a timely manner it's a red flag. Could be a scammer, catfish, in another relationship, putting you on the back burner or just a time waster.

Wait until you meet to see what's up in person. Try not to get too attached to chatting. There's no need for heavy relationship talks until you meet. 

[GoodVibess]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It this a distance situation?

Whenever someone won't meet in a timely manner it's a red flag. Could be a scammer, catfish, in another relationship, putting you on the back burner or just a time waster.

Wait until you meet to see what's up in person. Try not to get too attached to chatting. There's no need for heavy relationship talks until you meet. 

We live an hour apart, the only reason we have delayed in meeting is because we both have been very busy with school. I actually always tend to meet quickly to not waste my time but this time I have been very busy. And I was the one who chose to do next sunday as well. 

[GoodVibess]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Slow down, Vibess. Way down. 

You have never met this man, and thus have no clue what he's really like. And no, talking on the phone or messaging is not the same as really getting to know someone. There is no way of knowing yet if he's everything you want. 

The religious difference might be relevant, but it depends on how devout you each are. That is something you two would need to chat about. I would be more wary that he's just 19 and not likely to be ready for some big commitment anyway. Go on your date, but keep your expectations in check. Don't get carried away. 

You’re right, I was hesitant at first due to our age difference. I just haven’t felt this excited to see anyone in a very long time. I do unfortunately get attached easily. 

[Alpacalia]

Agree with the sentiments that have already been echoed. It seems like you tend to dive right into things with new guys you meet.

It’s good for your safety as well as your emotional involvement to get to know someone slowly, through the sharing of regular conversations, events, etc. and not just spend hours and hours texting or talking on the phone.

Get to know him slowly, over time, and if there happens to be enough in common to move things forward, then do so.

Try not to build high expectations on anyone you barely know.

It's okay to be excited and feel a connection with someone. Not that it's a bad idea to discuss potential deal-breakers (such as religious and cultural differences). So go ahead and discuss it with him if you feel like it. It's not too soon.

Edited October 8, 2023 by Alpacalia

[glows]

Do you live in a conservative area? Ie where people don’t intermarry or are interfaith? I was born and raised in a culture where interfaith is very common and my childhood best friend is both Hindu and Catholic due to her parents being interfaith. Her children are also interfaith practicing both Hindu and Catholic faiths, although her husband is only Hindu. People don’t have the same hang ups and insecurities about dating a different faith or culture. 

Why do you say he is lovebombing you? It may be due to his youth and inexperience. He may be getting attached easily also and it’s common for young people this age. You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself but I would also echo the caution needed due to the 1 hour distance. How do you see this panning out? Do you both drive? 

Is he a 2nd year uni student and wouldn’t you be just graduated from uni by now at 23? What are your long term goals? At this age you’re looking for more independence and working on your education and career. Don’t ever expect someone else to make up for that. Carve out your own way and be very motivated to support yourself always.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, GoodVibess said:

We live an hour apart, the only reason we have delayed in meeting is because we both have been very busy with school. 

Unfortunately, it seems like the distance, reticence to meet, age difference and being "too busy" are the red flags rather than religion.

[BrinnM]

Not sure how his religion is a factor. You haven’t even discussed it, so it doesn’t seem to be something that dictates his everyday life. Just like your Christian beliefs don’t seem to hold you back. Meet up and see how it goes. Everybody is their own person, unless they’re super-religious, orthodox believers who don’t believe in pairing up with somebody who has a different faith. Doesn’t seem to be the case here though. 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, GoodVibess said:

I’m 23 and he’s 19, I have enjoyed talking to him we met on FB dating. He’s super chill and we mostly talk every night for a few hours. We have been talking for a month now and we are going on our first date next sunday. I really am starting to like him despite not having met yet. But the issue is he is Muslim and I’m a Christian. We have never discussed our religions throughly. However, I’m concerned he is love bombing me and will hurt my feelings eventually. I feel stuck because he is everything I want in a man. I will definitely meet him but I’m scared he won’t take me seriously. I want to talk to him about it, but unsure if it’s too soon. 

Thoughts?

Lovebombing: the action or practice of lavishing someone with attention or affection, especially in order to influence or manipulate them.    Is he actually lovebombing you?  Or are the two of you just mutually keen on each other?

If anything is going to get you hurt here, it's your belief that a man you barely know is everything you want.   While it's great to enjoy the journey, you MUST keep your feet on the ground and recognise that you don't yet know his flaws.   And that he doesn't know yours.   It's really only after a couple of years together that you can genuinely say that a person is everything you want in a man.  This is the very reason people have a relationship for years before committing to marriage

What do you mean about being scared he won't take you seriously....is it like he will think you're just joking around?

Would your family welcome a Muslim man as your partner? 

Edited October 8, 2023 by basil67

[Ami1uwant]

8 hours ago, GoodVibess said:

We live an hour apart, the only reason we have delayed in meeting is because we both have been very busy with school. I actually always tend to meet quickly to not waste my time but this time I have been very busy. And I was the one who chose to do next sunday as well. 

Where are you from? How is religion important to you?  These are important in relationships — it has nothing to do with him muslim. 
 

being in a relationship or marrying someone with different religion can split families.

I recall having conversations with a woman online who was Jewish. I asker her how religious she was and she said she wasn’t but she’d raise her children as Jewish.  To me that says religion is a much bigger deal in your life….I didn’t tell her that. I just nexted her.

some Muslim are conservative and feel women should be covered. While others it doesn’t matter.  Years ago I knew a coworker who was a converted Muslim female wearing the full conservative garb of hair snd head covered but face open and a long nun style garb covering her regular clothing. I’ve also know liberal Muslims.

 

 

[Gaeta]

Why didn't you ask the hard questions already? His answers might be a dealbreaker for you. You wasted precious time maybe getting attached to the wrong man.

I'm Catholic and my bf is muslim. On our very first conversation l saw on his profile he was Muslim so l jumped right into it and asked him questions: how seriously he observes his religion, what's his thought of women and what freedom women should have, was he in a relationship with a non'muslim woman before, how strict is he about food, is it ok to kiss if l eat pork, is he gonna eat and cook in my kitchen if l regulay cook pork, as a catholic woman will l be accepted in his family and community, will he accompany me in my family for Christmas and Easter.

C'mon girl ! Life isn't like in movies. Start asking questions!! 

[Alpacalia]

Realistically, this probably will not be too much of an issue given your ages.

He's 19 and you are 23 years old. Most likely you two are not looking to be too serious at these ages.

As a Christian, I think before you go too far in talking to him, you might want to talk about his faith and even considering the possibility of dating should have him share his Muslim faith to you and your Christian faith to him. You're probably aware there are some very basic differences between the two. But also there are some similarities even. Of course, the two of you don't have to agree on all things about religion for you to continue on dating but there should be enough common ground to move forward.

Not sure about the love bombing part and what exactly your fear is of him not taking you seriously. Are you concerned that he won't want to date you because of your differences in religion? To that end, I would say it is far to soon to even speculate. On the other hand if he is just regularly romanticizing your relationship then that is one thing.

Let us know how the date goes on Sunday!