Author Betty8 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: This is so true. My husband has a mate who I was OK with, but I couldn't stand his wife due to her endless complaining. It got to the point where he wanted them over for dinner, and I firmly stated my case but hubby pushed it and insisted I be there. Now, I have a very slow temper...and I've never yelled at my husband. But halfway though the night, I completely lost my s*** at her and tore strips off about her endless complaining. It was terrible for everybody. It wasn't cool that I was made to be in her presence, and it wasn't fair to her that she was put in the situation either. I worry that if your husband keeps trying to make this work, that you too may find yourself getting (quite reasonably!) upset at her and then the whole thing implodes. It's so unfortunate that they get together so often because it makes it much harder for you to deal with So sorry that happened 😬 Thank you. Yes I’m a very soft person, and I can count on my hand the number of times I’ve lost my s***, but when I went to her husbands birthday and she basically took the piss out of me, and lay on my partner and said are we ok Emma, it’s hard as he’s such a part of our family I know and in our kids lives, and it’s so painful to be left out isn’t it? With a smirk..! Then we just sat and says nothing as I knew I’d lose it and I think him the same, then I actually got upset later and left as I didn’t want to ruin her husbands birthday party and was suppressing my anger so much! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 17 minutes ago, basil67 said: This is so true. My husband has a mate who I was OK with, but I couldn't stand his wife due to her endless complaining. It got to the point where he wanted them over for dinner, and I firmly stated my case but hubby pushed it and insisted I be there. Now, I have a very slow temper...and I've never yelled at my husband. But halfway though the night, I completely lost my s*** at her and tore strips off about her endless complaining. It was terrible for everybody. It wasn't cool that I was made to be in her presence, and it wasn't fair to her that she was put in the situation either. I worry that if your husband keeps trying to make this work, that you too may find yourself getting (quite reasonably!) upset at her and then the whole thing implodes. It's so unfortunate that they get together so often because it makes it much harder for you to deal with She’s basically succeeded in excluding me from his friendship group tho as they always go to their house ☹️ Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 14 minutes ago, Denise8 said: Yes this. He bought a large house in the middle of a remote area, and so more space partly. If they go anywhere else he complains and they both just invite everyone back to theirs… she blanks me but then in front of him says oh are you coming back? 😂 I actually don’t think her husband knows what she does honestly, which is why I asked my partner if he’d told him but I think he’s worried she might fancy him as why else would you do this? and doesn’t say anything to rock their marriage. They have small kids and just to say I trust my partner completely. His father was lead singer in a band and always cheated on his mother, he’s not That man. Yes I do think they don’t like not being hosts. He refuses to go anywhere else as he says he likes being at home mainly or goes and complains He sounds like a wanker. I wonder what your partner sees in him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 1 minute ago, basil67 said: He sounds like a wanker. I wonder what your partner sees in him. Hmm he’s actually quite sweet as well as domineering. They shared a dear friend who died ten years ago and I think my partner got v down, with no family support his parent is a bit like that, and his ex stopping him see his daughter. So I think he was were with him, and this couple talk about their friends as their family. He gets his family to do a lot of jobs for him, various trades and pays them and he sells weed etc to his family . He’s alright, but I do think it’s all a bit off personally, but I put it down to it being an affluent town on the outskirts of London and many have never left and having lived and worked in London I just find it all quite lame honestly.. but I can see if you’d ever left and even if you had it’s a nice house a party house! I just don’t personally feel comfortable there, to be honest the husband had really made an effort I just don’t think he knows what his wife does or maybe he just thinks that it’s up the girls to sort it out… I’m at a loss honestly Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 (edited) Today she’s got her daughter to invite my partner to her birthday party, obviously I’m not invited but my partner wants me to go. The kids are sweet but, I’m going to ride my horse, then go to yoga and lunch with my friends. I’m going to get a bit tipsy and come home and put my pj’s on and part cook a roast for tomorrow! Edited October 14, 2023 by Denise8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 3 hours ago, basil67 said: He sounds like a wanker. I wonder what your partner sees in him. After a conversation today I think he’s admitted there’s a mutual attraction so there we have it 😩 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 28 minutes ago, Denise8 said: After a conversation today I think he’s admitted there’s a mutual attraction so there we have it 😩 What was the conversation about and what did your BF say? Did you ask him if he's attracted to his friends wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 I said that you told me when you met you fancied her and I believe she does you, and you don’t want to rock the boat and have this out there and is this what’s happened? He said he doesn’t know Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 2 minutes ago, Denise8 said: I said that you told me when you met you fancied her and I believe she does you, and you don’t want to rock the boat and have this out there and is this what’s happened? He said he doesn’t know He doesn't know if he fancies her or if she fancies him or if that's why he hangs out there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 Just now, Wiseman2 said: He doesn't know if he fancies her or if she fancies him or if that's why he hangs out there? He doesn’t know if that’s why she treats me like that Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He doesn't know if he fancies her or if she fancies him or if that's why he hangs out there? I don’t really care if they fancy each other and I think it’s brave to say, but when it affects your ability to be civil and have someone around or to stand up for your partner then I have a massive problem. Maybe I should leave then to it ! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 2 hours ago, Denise8 said: it affects your ability to be civil and have someone around or to stand up for your partner then I have a massive problem. If your BF knows you dislike her because she was rude to you, ask him to stop bringing her up, encouraging you to be friends or hang out. It's not a problem at all if you avoid these people, unless you believe your BF has a crush on this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 3 hours ago, Denise8 said: After a conversation today I think he’s admitted there’s a mutual attraction so there we have it 😩 So if this is true, it changes a lot. Have they had sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted October 14, 2023 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 14, 2023 Thread closed following discussion with OP Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 16, 2023 Author Share Posted October 16, 2023 On 10/14/2023 at 3:02 PM, Weezy1973 said: So if this is true, it changes a lot. Have they had sex? Hi. No not at all. My partner would never do that. Most recently she saw him and offered to him to be our surrogate, donor as I’m not falling pregnant and she’s so fertile and so I think she’s just got a little flame for him and is a bit odd. My partner and I have discussed everything and I think he just struggles to trust women , he maybe was afraid I was trying to get in between his friends and him, and avoids confrontation. I think we’re ok, he’s not perfect but then neither am I. I don’t know what your thoughts are? x Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 6 hours ago, Betty8 said: Hi. No not at all. My partner would never do that. Most recently she saw him and offered to him to be our surrogate, donor as I’m not falling pregnant and she’s so fertile and so I think she’s just got a little flame for him and is a bit odd. Wow. This situation just seems to gather more interesting twists and turns as the thread carries on. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 16, 2023 Author Share Posted October 16, 2023 39 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Wow. This situation just seems to gather more interesting twists and turns as the thread carries on. Fml 🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 16, 2023 Author Share Posted October 16, 2023 On 10/14/2023 at 2:59 PM, Wiseman2 said: If your BF knows you dislike her because she was rude to you, ask him to stop bringing her up, encouraging you to be friends or hang out. It's not a problem at all if you avoid these people, unless you believe your BF has a crush on this woman. I don’t really mind if he does, I trust him, plus its his friends wife! Yh I’m swerving Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 Maybe you need to backtrack a little bit. You might start with dating like others your age do, instead of hanging out partying at a drug dealer's house. You know, going out to dinner, shows, spending time together in either of your homes. Getting to know each others' families. See if you and the man actually have what it takes to be in a serious committed relationship. If that's the case then gradually introduce your children and see if there is potential to form a blended family. If so, perhaps the next step would be to decide to live together, and then consider marriage if you both feel like that's the right step for you. After that perhaps try to conceive a child, though it will be challenging at your age. The woman you hate so much is your age peer, so if you and this man actually develop a serious, mature and lasting relationship, she certainly wouldn't be an appropriate surrogate. Not to mention that you hate her guts so virulently. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 12 hours ago, Betty8 said: he maybe was afraid I was trying to get in between his friends and him, and avoids confrontation Try to focus on this. He likes hanging out with these people and you don't. That's ok. Let him see his friends and you and your friends family and daughter can do other things. There's absolutely no reason you have to hang out with them. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 4 hours ago, Betty8 said: I don’t really mind if he does, I trust him, plus its his friends wife! Yh I’m swerving So you're cool with her now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 17, 2023 Author Share Posted October 17, 2023 6 hours ago, basil67 said: So you're cool with her now? No, I’d like to just avoid her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 17, 2023 Author Share Posted October 17, 2023 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Try to focus on this. He likes hanging out with these people and you don't. That's ok. Let him see his friends and you and your friends family and daughter can do other things. There's absolutely no reason you have to hang out with them. You’re right thank you 👍🏻😊 you are a wise man 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 17, 2023 Author Share Posted October 17, 2023 7 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: Maybe you need to backtrack a little bit. You might start with dating like others your age do, instead of hanging out partying at a drug dealer's house. You know, going out to dinner, shows, spending time together in either of your homes. Getting to know each others' families. See if you and the man actually have what it takes to be in a serious committed relationship. If that's the case then gradually introduce your children and see if there is potential to form a blended family. If so, perhaps the next step would be to decide to live together, and then consider marriage if you both feel like that's the right step for you. After that perhaps try to conceive a child, though it will be challenging at your age. The woman you hate so much is your age peer, so if you and this man actually develop a serious, mature and lasting relationship, she certainly wouldn't be an appropriate surrogate. Not to mention that you hate her guts so virulently. Good luck. We’ve done all that. My daughter didn’t meet him for a year. We are living together soon. Exactly this ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betty8 Posted October 17, 2023 Author Share Posted October 17, 2023 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Try to focus on this. He likes hanging out with these people and you don't. That's ok. Let him see his friends and you and your friends family and daughter can do other things. There's absolutely no reason you have to hang out with them. Just a shame as it’s only one of the hosts I’m not keen to see, I like the rest. X Link to post Share on other sites
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